The case of the incredible shrinking starlets

Ithought about eating less bread, and then I decided that I wasn’t going to do that,” Tina Fey tells New York magazine about her preparations leading to the Emmys. The 30 Rock star was wise not to indulge in the Hollywood diet (which probably consists of air and lemon-infused water). She looked radiant — if not exactly well-dressed — next to the painfully thin actresses who make toothpicks look in need of an eating disorder.

Kelly Osbourne and Glee’s Lea Michele, who seemed to be at a healthy weight in previous appearances, suddenly seem gaunt. And plenty other actresses appear to be shrinking into thin air. What’s up, Young Hollywood?

The clothes seemed particularly heinous this time around, with plenty of ill-placed, high-cut, panty-baring slits, more sequins than a drag queen revival (sans the camp fabulousness) and more ruffles and marshmallow poufs than there should be outside of an ’80s wedding.

Claire Danes

C: She’s the Benjamin Button child of Cate Blanchett and Cameron Diaz. Blame it on the frosted makeup lit up by an otherwise okay strobe-light dress.

B: She’s got the TV pedigree (My So-Called Life), the hot husband (Hugh Dancy) and such pretty locks (oh, that hair). What more can a girl ask for?

Elisabeth Moss

C: Her subtly chic choice is an outstanding statement.

B: Since the Mad Men star’s recent split from SNL’s Fred Armisen a mere 10 months after they tied the knot, it’s nice to see Moss looking happy. The best revenge really is looking good ... in Donna Karan.

Lea Michele

CELINE: More yawn than glee, of all people why is she trying to channel Jen Garner?

BEA: If your gown has more ruffles than a parade float, it’s time to step away from the dress.

Sofia Vergara

C: Every inch a hot tamale!

B: That dress looks like it was stolen off the back rack of the Miss Universe pageant — the rack reserved for the matronly judges who don’t know any better.

Anna Paquin

C: At least she’s out of the cookie cutter but her shoes are enough to make the designer roll in his chic grave.

B: That strangely fitted McQueen dress is about as ill-advised as marrying your co-star.

Christina Hendricks

C: This could have been better in many ways: the color is unfortunate, the awkward shredded details are confusing and the bias has a bipolar disorder. With that said, she is still hot. Damn woman!

B: Zac Posen, is it really so hard to dress the lovely Joan Holloway? Is the Mad Men actress’s rubenesque figure too much of a challenge? It’s unfortunate that Hendricks seems to be swallowed up by her red carpet missteps, but we can revel in the fact that lavender seems to suit the redhead’s beauty.

January Jones

C: Rihanna goes to the prom as Barbia!

B: It’s Versace by way of cutup cocktail napkins. I love it.

Kelly Osbourne

C: Her makeover is on its way to homerun status ... I love how she still keeps some grit and rock intact.

B: We like her at any size but the suddenly pin-thin celeb, who lost the weight on Dancing with the Stars, seems to have dropped a drastic amount of weight. Her dress? Passable. Maybe a little more than passable. I give it a B.

Tina Fey

C: I’m convinced she’s playing a joke on us with her really depressing red carpet choices. Is it really that hard?

B: “I think there should be some kind of jumpsuit, like an orange jumpsuit, that you can just wear that just signifies that I’m out,” Tina Fey said a month ago. “I’m not trying this year. I’m a non-combatant in fashion.” Too bad. She may be wearing Oscar de la Renta, but it still looks like she fashioned it herself from a cape purchased at a Harry Potter store.

Keri Russell

C: This is not the beach and didn’t Valentino say that when wearing a gown, no ankles!

B: Perfection. Everyone take notes.

Rose Byrne

C: No damages on the red carpet!

B: This is what Kim Kardashian was hoping to achieve and missed by a mile.

Emily Blunt

C: An English rose isn’t always pink.

B: Girlfriend is slumming it at the Emmys with her TV-star husband John Krasinski. Next to the garish attire of some of her TV peers (cough, Vergara, cough), the Oscar-nominated actress looks positively luminous.

Kim Kardashian

C: She looks like J. Lo after the makeover. We all know where this is headed. Plus, she’s Armenian, not Latina!

B: That Markesa (typo, but I’m keeping it) dress is klassy with a K.

Jayma Mays

C: A classic red carpet look that doesn’t try too hard.

B: The Glee star dresses like a frump on the show, but the actress let out her inner sex-pot with kohl-lined eye makeup, tousled hair and a fringed dress that shows off her figure.

Mindy Kaling

C: Another great comedian that decided to use her dress as material.

B: She’s such a great, funny actress. That said, The Office star looks like she got lost on the way to the Emmys, got waylaid at the Betsey Johnson clearance rack and ended up at the prom.

Rita Wilson

C: Someone forgot that the Power ’80s is over!

B: Save the Prada for another occasion, sister. Wilson looks like she ran into a chandelier, dusted herself off, turned to her concerned husband (Tom Hanks, natch) and said, “Let’s go, honey,” while Hanks sputtered, “But, honey, you’re wearing the dining room light fixture.”

Susan Sarandon and Eva Amurri

C: I can’t believe it’s almost been more than two decades since Bull Durham, and she manages to look even better! Her daughter, still in fashion-zygote stage, should take notes!

B: I’d buy whatever this mother-daughter team is selling.

Heidi Klum

C: Times must be tough ... her old red carpet dress was chopped off by a Project Runway contestant.

B: Auff with her head. That ’do isn’t doing her any favors. Neither is that tacky rosette-covered dress. Tsk, tsk, Marchesa.