Can do

Despite the ‘60s feminist movement, a male catering to the opposite sex is no longer viewed as patronizing. But in spite of this, doting men are harder to find than a president capable of elevating the plight of our country.

I consider myself fortunate to have been raised in a family with “can do” men who are readily available for assistance of any sort. From extending a guiding grip in crossing the street, to carrying packages, to lighting cigarettes from way across the table, to abandoning previous engagements in order to lend an ear to a troubled sibling, they know that the words “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it” can instantly take the edge off any woman’s distress.

Now that we are preoccupied with very different lives and responsibilities and live halfway across the globe from each other, I have forgotten how heartwarming it is to hear a man say, “Akong bahala.”(“I’ll take care of it.”) These words, when uttered by a man, have become a scarce commodity. The modern woman instantly becomes a little defensive when hearing such words.

But personally, I think there is nothing as comforting to hear. My friends say that I simply have been spoiled by my father and brothers. There is some truth to that, but it’s really a “chicken or the egg” situation.

Here, then, is the “chicken or egg” question: Do women automatically respond in kind and cater to chivalrous, generous and nurturing men or do men become solicitous because women act subservient?

Personally, I think that a woman probably has to pay for such privileged treatment — and boy, was I right! I was recently aboard a ship where 50 percent of the crew of 1,000 is Filipino and in the service industry, especially in the cruise industry where passenger satisfaction translates to revenue, there is nothing more important than the “can do” attitude. I have spoken to our kababayans — our modern-day heroes — who have left home to sustain their families financially, inadvertently propping up our economy. They all concur that the one thing that has secured their tenure in this highly competitive profession is the “can do” attitude. I bumped into such men around the ship on an hourly basis, in their starched uniforms with shiny brass buttons stuck on their epaulets, aching to be of service. Did I just die and get catapulted to heaven?

Thirty-year-old Ian Bautista, the ship’s IT technician who has been with the cruise industry for five contracts (each contract is six months long) says, “We’re here to help every passenger; there is nothing we cannot do for them. If their request is something out of our area of expertise, we endorse it to someone qualified — immediately! Hindi ho pwede yung ‘hindi kaya’ dapat parating ‘kaya.’”

Guest relations officer Charlie Salazar’s standing tagline is, “Please let me know if there’s something I can help you with.” And he means it!

Ariel Macala, the ship’s cellar master who has been in the industry for 11 years, says, “We can do anything; we do everything to give the guests the best vacation of their lives.”

I asked head bartender of 10 years Inocencio Gabuyo if he ever gets tired of upholding the “can do” attitude and he answered, “I’ve never thought about it that way; it’s part of my job, part of me. It’s just always there in my head.”

When asked how often homesickness gets in the way of a job well-done, assistant sommelier Redentor Rint, who has served nine years in the cruise industry, said: “It’s always there; we miss our families, but we’ve been able to do it and we do it well.”

It’s a die-hard work ethic that these OFWs possess, and which has sustained them through bouts of homesickness and separation anxiety. It is often desperate financial need that drives these men overseas in search of fortune, but many who did not adopt the “can do” attitude have tried and failed.

I asked all of them if, upon returning home to their wives and families, they sustain the same attitude. They answered that sure, they do. And their wives, in turn, pamper them. 

So I asked them the same “chicken or egg” question: Are they subservient because you cater to them or is it the other way around? Inocencio Gabuyo’s answer was, “Does it really matter?”

Not willing to be silenced just yet, I badgered them some more and asked if it sometimes works the other way around — if having to uphold the “can do” attitude on the job exhausts them, making them cranky and impatient with their own families. They all gave me a clear and firm “No.” Their wives should be so lucky!

Gone are the days when Filipino men fetched water for their intended and serenaded them atop balconies.  Nowadays, it is cause for a woman to jump for joy if a man as much as opens the door for her or offers to pay the dinner tab. I’m not saying that those were better days — definitely not, because women didn’t have a voice or a vote back then. We are perfectly fine where we are in time and place; all I’m saying is, wouldn’t it be nice?

Here in the home country, culture dictates that the Filipino man must be pampered by maids and babied by his mother. A wife who doesn’t oblige him is considered unfit. But when he is thousands of miles away from home, sailing on the high seas, toiling to serve total strangers with the widest of smiles and the most enthusiastic of spirits, he finds the biggest treasure any man could ever discover: generosity of self.

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Thank you for your letters. You may reach me at cecilelilles@yahoo.com or visit my blog at www.fourtyfied.blogspot.com.