Cherchez la femme

Cherchez la femme is a French phrase that literally translates to “find the woman.” It refers to the underlying (and yes, sexist) assumption that behind any problem, there is a woman who caused it.  It also means that if one is looking for a motive behind some questionable, irregular or dishonorable act a man may have committed, simply find the romantic connection somewhere.

This calls to mind the famous Prince Edward the VIII, the Duke of Windsor and one-time heir to the throne of England, who became smitten with American, twice-divorced Wallis Simpson. When he was forbidden by the British ministers of parliament from marrying a divorcee, he decided to abdicate — the reason being, of course, a woman. On December 11, 1936, in a broadcast to the nation and the British empire, he explained his decision to abdicate by delivering the now-famous speech: “I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burdens of responsibility and to discharge my duties as king as I would wish to do without the help and support of the woman I love.” After the broadcast, Prince Edward departed for Austria and lived overseas with Miss Simpson until his death in 1972. No other British monarch in history has voluntarily relinquished the throne.  Romantics claim that such was his love for Ms. Simpson, although pragmatists say Edward the VIII was simply foolish.

A similar incident occurred in our very own backyard during the Cory administration. One married cabinet member, pressured by many to uphold the moral standards of the government he served, voluntarily vacated his post because he was unable to cut off ties with his mistress.  His farewell speech to his staff and supporters was a direct quote from the Duke of Windsor’s very own broadcast. 

Similarly, and with as much fanfare, various heads of state and commanders in chief of the world’s superpowers, business tycoons and sundry celebrities have not been spared from the same phenomenon — getting themselves in scalding water because of, you guessed it, women.  Some of the most celebrated cases were: John F. Kennedy with Marilyn Monroe; Bill Clinton with the world’s most famous intern, Monica Lewinsky; Rudy Giuliani with his personal assistant Judith Nathan; Aristotle Onassis with Greek opera singer Maria Callas; Prince Charles with Camilla Parker-Bowles; Donald Trump with soap opera starlet Marla Maples (who were accosted on the ski slopes by first wife, Ivana Trump); Rupert Murdoch with someone less than half his age, Wendi Deng; Mick Jagger with countless women; and most recently, Brad Pitt in the Brangelina controversy.

Lately, the world has become privy to the controversy-filled personal life of French President Nicolas Sarkozy, who earlier captured the free world’s fascination because of his transparency policy — liberal access by the media into his governance and his personal life. The rest of the world has therefore been eyewitness to his divorce proceedings in progress, plus the backstage goings-on in his highly publicized life via intimate photos of him knotting a tie in his dressing room and the like. While citing mutual consent in the divorce petition from his wife of 10 years, Cecilia, it became apparent in the succeeding weeks that he had, in fact, been seeing Italian ex-supermodel, Carla Bruni.

Why is it that men who are unhappy in their respective relationships don’t cut clean from such entanglements before embarking on succeeding ones, creating an “overlap” of affairs, which then cause undue complications, not to mention scandals, in their lives? Or could it be that they are just bored and are therefore in search of some diversion? Or could it also be that there are women who, working with the knowledge that men are mostly powerless against their wiles, labor intensely to bait and reel them in? After contemplating the issue and repeatedly hearing the phrase cherchez la femme, whose origin, I am convinced, dates back to the middle ages when women were either guillotined, stoned to death, or burnt at the stake for adultery, I wonder why the term should remain confined as a reference strictly to male indiscretions in this post-feminist, post-modern age of ours. Women do it as well; they have been doing it since before the time of Jesus.

What immediately comes to mind as an example of how a woman with all her guile and wile can engineer a man’s horrific downfall is the Biblical account of Samson and Delilah. Samson, a Jewish hero, was a sort of strong man and protector of his bailiwick. It was suspected that the secret to his superhuman strength was his shoulder-length hair. The Philistines bribed Delilah, the town beauty, to lure Samson and then cut his hair while he was asleep.

During the First World War, there are documented accounts of the first alleged female spy, Mata Hari. She was a Dutch exotic dancer and a courtesan who was executed by firing squad after having been caught by the Germans on whom she was spying for the French. But not until after she had delivered some crucial information that led to German battle plans and troop movements being foiled. She accomplished this by latching on to a ranking officer in the German armed forces who willingly shared military secrets with her in bed.   

Still others whose personal turmoil largely centered on men were Ingrid Bergman, who in the early 1950s had an adulterous affair with film director Roberto Rossellini, while still married to Petter Lindstrom; then there was Ali McGraw whose high-profile love affair with Hollywood legend Steve McQueen while still married to Robert Evans rocked the world.

True, they both left their husbands and went on to marry their paramours, but not without the tumult and scandal that plagued their lives from then on. 

In more recent times the world has had to endure the toe-sucking photos of then-married Sarah Ferguson, better known as Fergie, the ex-Duchess of Windsor, who cavorted topless in the French Cote d’Azur with her Texan financial adviser, John Bryan. This predictably led to public outrage, her eventual divorce from Prince Andrew, and her expulsion from the British royal family circle.

In the younger Hollywood set, we have Meg Ryan who left her long-time husband, Dennis Quaid, for co-star Russell Crowe. And then there’s Kate Hudson who dumped her then husband, Chris Robinson, when she met and fell for Owen Wilson on a movie set.

All this fooling around leads me to think, isn’t it time we used the phrase cherchez l’homme as well, instead of just questioning the motivation of women’s reckless actions? There have been enough public crucifixions of erring men in our society, news of which are trumpeted and broadcasted loosely by scorned, vicious women, while stories of women who have committed indiscretions are passed around in hushed tones, if they are even acknowledged at all. Why do men not talk about such things? Is this because it is too ugly and too embarrassing for them to admit that their women can replace them with ease so they’d rather keep the matter out of the spotlight? Do they view it as a challenge to their masculinity, a sledgehammer to their ego, or a castration of sorts? Do women not talk about it because we are ashamed of our own gender when it does happen?

Men are rarely as sacred as they probably would like to be seen. Yet women can be just as bad as men; there are no gender-specific transgressions. Men and women are equals in the sense that we sin against each other in pretty much the same ways.

But passing judgment is not my intention; the reasons for other people’s actions, other people’s choices are theirs alone. Yet that of which we dare not speak must be named, and shall be named.  Cherchez l’homme: find the man. When something untoward happens in a woman’s life, be not afraid to say cherchez l’homme.

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