‘Tszujing’ with Queer Eye’s Thom and Kyan

It was Beatle-mania all over again. When Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’s grooming guru Kyan Douglas entered the lobby of Greenbelt 3, a wave of deafening screams split the air – occasionally waning to allow Douglas to share his influential grooming tips, but ripping through the chi-chi mall anew whenever Queer Eye’s resident sex symbol would do anything remotely provocative – like peeling off his jacket, complaining about feeling "hot."

(Earlier, design doctor Thom Filicia presided over a warmly received but decidedly more sedate public meeting at Alabang Town Center, packed with interior decorators, press and design fans.)

Facing hordes of screaming young girls is an unusual scenario for any man, much less a gay one. But if gay men can have straight female icons, why can’t straight girls have gay male icons?

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is the reality-TV phenomenon that has added "tszujing" (tweaking or finessing something to make it more fun and fabulous) to the global lexicon. As Filicia noted, "I was told that the show is such a hit in the Philippines that on Monday night you can hear crickets in the streets because everyone’s home watching Queer Eye."

No exaggeration there, as the makeover show has become the surrogate father to many straight Filipino men: I know local rock stars who have learned the proper way to shave from Kyan ("follow the natural grain of your face"). Guitar hero and NU 107 deejay Francis "Brew" Reyes has been known to sign off with: "I have to go home now and watch Queer Eye." One of my sister’s long-haired hippie mountaineer friends whipped out his wilderness survival kit and it contained: a nose-hair trimmer, tweezers and a nail file.

So popular is the show that the heads of the Ayala Malls and Stores Specialists, Inc. were inspired to bring Douglas and Filicia to Manila.

Queer Eye has definitely touched a nerve in the Filipino psyche. Perhaps it’s the wit and humor of the show – Carson’s quick way with a catty comment and Thom’s design genius. Perhaps it’s the considerable chemistry of the Fab Five (which none of the show’s many spin-offs share, unfortunately). Or perhaps it’s just so damn fun watching a hapless straight male get the Cinderella treatment – a new look, a new house, a new lifestyle – that it makes us all believe in fairy tales, even for just an hour every week.

Here, Thom and Kyan answer your most pressing and personal questions:

Who are your dream makeovers?

KYAN: I enjoy making over average guys. Celebrities have lots of money for personal stylists, and the average guy doesn’t have that. As for people we’d like to meet more than make over: Brad Pitt and Jude Law. For girls, Angelina Jolie and Mariska Hargitay.

How would you make over President Bush?

THOM: His style is okay, but his policies, however... (both Kyan and Thom bristle)

T: I’m sure the ranch is fab, but his style is really American, he really embraces that aesthetic. He does it well, though, with style.

Who are your style icons?

K: Tom Ford. I really admire his designs, he’s a fun guy to be around, and he’s real cute.

T: Fat Albert makes me feel real good, especially during bathing-suit season.

What is your design philosophy?

T: It’s very personal. It’s all about the people who live in it. Whether it’s a restaurant or a house, it should fundamentally speak about the personality of the food or the people who live there.

What’s your favorite part of the house?

T: I can’t live without bars in houses. (He meant cocktail bars, not steel bars on the windows.)

Do you follow up on the men you make over on the show?

K: It’s more stalking than checking out. We follow up on certain episodes, and some did better than others. Jeff Toll, the mail carrier and taxidermist (and David Bowie lookalike), was all over it.

T: We did a Christmas episode and a Thanksgiving episode on it. When we checked up on Adam Z. he was dieting, he had decorated his baby’s room, he was doing all the back-waxing and grooming. We said, "Oh, my God, I hope we didn’t turn him gay."

Thom, do you believe in feng shui?

T: I do believe in feng shui. As with anything else, I read the books, think about it, interpret and make sense of it. You have to make it your own. I try to be very thoughtful about what I’m doing.

Kyan, what are your rules about hair coloring on Filipinos?

K: There are no rules on coloring. You can always tell when someone’s trying too hard and not being themselves. For guys, I’m more for their natural hair color.

What’s the worst grooming sin a guy can commit?

K: Hair coming out of the ears, the nose – hair shouldn’t be coming out of holes in our body.

T: For me, style always has to be age-appropriate.

What’s your favorite male body part?

T: Eyes, for men and women. It gives you a lot of information about the person. Eyes are really windows into the soul.

K: I love that little muscle crease right here (points to his hip).

T: Oh, you are dirty.

Have the Fab Five ever had crushes on each other?

K: Working together every day, we became closer as friends and brothers.

T: You don’t get crushes on your brother. Well, I don’t know about you, Kyan, you’re from the South...

Thom, what are your tips for houses with kids?

T: Be careful of sharp corners. I learned that the hard way growing up.

It’s good to give kids lessons that your house is not a museum. Like if you have a nice couch, you should tell them "You can sit but not play on that." It’s good to give children a code like this because it teaches them responsibility.

What are the best traits you’ve observed in Filipinos?

K: Filipinos have tremendous personal style. Every woman has impeccable makeup, hair and clothes – it’s unbelievable. The entire population has a sense of style. It’s very impressive.

T: The fusion of different ethnicities makes for a very attractive mix. Filipinos have a beautiful heritage.

Kyan, what’s the most common style no-no straight guys commit?

K: I find that most guys wear too much fragrance. Fragrance is a lot more effective when it’s subtle, when you have to lean in close to smell it. I want to see you before I smell you.

How long does it take you to get ready before you go out in the morning?

K: It depends. I’m a jeans-and-T-shirt kind of guy. For going out with friends, about 15 to 20 minutes. For going on dates, meetings, and coming out to see our Filipino fans, it took me 45 minutes.

How would you make over President Arroyo?

T: For her I would recommend building a house on wheels, so in case she gets hit with another scandal, she can peel out in a bad situation.

What’s the best car for a gay man?

K: Saab and Volvo have really embraced the gay lifestyle. Tom drives a Range Rover.

T: The Volkswagen Beetle, Mercedes-Benz and Jaguar.

What do you look for in a man?

T: Interest. Like, Are you interested in me?

K: From Thom’s boyfriend I can say he likes someone who’s outgoing and talks a lot.

T: I like long walks in the park... diamonds. No, seriously, someone who makes me laugh and who I can have fun with.

What do you like to do in your spare time?

K: Jai plays video games. I like movies, photography, yoga, and camping.

T: Downhill skiing. I have a boat and I love to entertain, prepare cocktails. A drink’s a lot easier to prepare than food!

Thom, what’s was your most challenging design on the show?

T: The circus guy. Kyan learned to juggle from him. We made over his RV (recreational vehicle), which is different from a mobile home, apparently. It was a very small space...

K: It was filthy and disgusting, and Tom made it look amazing, like a yacht.

T: My inspiration was an expensive boat.

What have you learned from the straight guys you’ve made over on the show?

K: When you grow up gay, you know you’re different. You have a feeling of being alienated. I learned that it’s okay to be gay. Just because they’re straight, doesn’t mean we can’t share a sense of brotherhood and love.

How do you feel about being gay role models?

K: Being a role model feels awkward. We’re just grateful that the gay population has been very supportive of the show.

T: We didn’t set out to make a difference, it just sort of happened organically, and we’ve gotten very positive reactions from both gays and straights.

What’s next for the Queer Eye guys?

T: We’re going to the moon. Gays in space! I’m going to build a space station with a disco, and you’re all invited.