Fathers & sons defined
June 11, 2003 | 12:00am
Fatherhood has often been depicted in movies and on TV, offering people a glimpse into the different aspects of fatherhood. But these never truly defined what is perhaps the most important role a man will ever have to play.
As we honor fathers this month, who can better answer all our questions on the matter than dads themselves? They, whose lives must always strike a balance between being the breadwinner and head of their families, to being the successful career men and industry idols they are.
We have also directed the same questions to their sons who will be, or already are, fathers themselves.
DOLPHY: Being a father means responsibility to my kids, giving them a proper education and teaching them to be good citizens and to become closer to the Lord. Dapat makapwa tao ka’t may pakikisama sa iba. And of course, love your job.
EPI: Being the son means being true to your father’s legacy. Your father worked so hard for the family so your obligation is to continue what he’s started as best you can. Being the son, you should set the best example because what you do reflects on what your father is.
What was your experience in raising your son? In being the son?
DOLPHY: Independent naman sina Eric at Epi. Puwede mong pakawalan at mabubuhay, but they always know that I’m there anytime they need me, that I will be there for them.
EPI: There are advantages and disadvantages. The advantages are the ease in penetrating the business, people listen to you because you have a name and people give you the same respect that they do your dad. I grew up knowing that my dad was the king (of comedy) and so I felt like a prince. On the disadvantages, you’ll always be in the shadow (of your father). It’s hard to make a name for yourself and hard to tell people "Hey, I’m this person," because they compare you. It’s hard to cope sometimes because my dad is legendary.
Can you cite a specific moment or event that was your defining moment as a dad? As a son?
DOLPHY: Noong grumaduate rin siya, proud na proud ako when he became Athlete of the Year.
EPI: When I won my first award. My dad announced the winner for Best Supporting Actor and when he announced it, he said, "I’m so proud of you." That moment always echoes in my head. It’s always an inspiration. Hearing that phrase has been one of my goals as a son.
Your son/father is prominent in his own right, what are your feelings about this?
DOLPHY: Basta’t iingatan niya at hindi siya magbabago. Fifty-nine years na ako sa business na ’to and I’m still here. Jolly good fellow naman si Epi. Siya ang nagbubuhay sa party at walang kakabakaba. Nice to work with at okay naman ang feedback, winning awards pa!
EPI: I’m very proud of my dad’s achievements, it’s something the family is proud of. As the son, I’m part of his victory whenever he wins an award.
Do you think you have prepared them (or they have prepared you) for what they are experiencing now?
DOLPHY: Nagkulang ako doon. Minsan nasa abroad, may trabaho, but I’m trying to make it up to them. I think it made them stronger.
EPI: My father’s not the type of person to tell you what you should do. He lets you choose your destiny, but when it becomes bad, he pulls you to a corner. He was a really big inspiration. I learned the craft from him. His personal principles prepared me to face life. In spite of his achievements, he’s always been humble and a true man for others.
What advice or lasting impressions would you like to give to other fathers/sons who may find themselves in your position?
DOLPHY: May pamilya ka, panindigan mo. Obligasyon mo as a father to give love and advice para sa ikabubuti ng pamilya. Kung ako’y nagkulang huwag silang ganoon. Nandoon palagi ang obligasyon ko sa kanila at wala akong anak na nagreklamo. Charity begins at home.
EPI: Listen to your father because he has gone through the path you’re taking now and that’s the reason why he’s telling you what to do. They stumbled just like you. They want to give you the life they didn’t have. It’s the son’s part to listen or, at least, grasp his father’s advice for his own good."
JOE: Being a father is a vocation because whatever one does, it is an offering to God, and when you choose to be a father, you must seek perfection in that role because your children are a gift from God. On a daily basis, being a father is all about relationships with God, society, and family, and like all things, you take care of relationships to ensure they work right.
BERNIE: At the top of my head, it certainly would mean obedience. Obedience was never demanded by a father, it was the proper thing to do as a son.
What was your experience in raising your son? In being the son?
JOE: I enjoyed every moment of it, and if I had to do it all over again, I will do the same things and have the same eight children. They are a (source of) joy. They are part of my life.
I remember those days in Pasay City when we responded to fires and at that time, Pasay always had a fire. I had a Kombi camper and everyone would get into it.
We cooked Papa Piccolino soup for those made homeless by the fire in those big five-gallon cans used for cooking oil, and the children would open several packets and pour the contents into the water. In the house, the children would always assemble packages of relief goods that we distributed.
My wife’s mother, Doña Victoria Araneta, was the founder of White Cross along with Doña Mercedes McMicking, and they took care of orphans and abandoned children.
In our house, my wife Marivic had this tradition every Christmas of having a short program for the children and giving out goodies. This exposure, I believe, had a profound influence on my son Joey, who in his quiet, low-profile way, maintains a number of charities, many of which I learned from my friends.
I remember one time my youngest, Michelle, had 500 pails of goodies that she bought with her meager savings, which she herself distributed to residents of Smokey Mountain. She even asked her cousins to pitch in and help her.
All this immersion in the realities of poverty in our society helped mold my children that they must make a contribution to society. And they started early.
When Bernie and John joined the Youth for Understanding program and were sent abroad, they worked as bartenders and waiters so that they could earn their living allowance. We as their parents, of course, worried, but they turned out the better for it.
I was a disciplinarian with my sons and daughters. I tell you, it’s tough to balance all the responsibilities of home and society, and I am thankful my wife has been understanding and supportive because I championed all sorts of causes such as clean elections, good government, helping the poor and those who seek justice, among others.
Seeing where my children are now, that gives me a lot of fulfillment.
BERNIE: We were brought up to speak our minds, share our thoughts, share our feelings. Dad always wanted consensus. Everyone had a say, sometimes way too much of it. At some point in time it did get out of hand. Yes indeed! We were a democratic family; we all had our chance to vote freely and openly. Oh, and yes, he enjoyed counting each of our votes.
Can you cite a specific moment or event that was your defining moment as a dad? As a son?
JOE: It’s a limiting term to say "moment" – we are defined by the sum of what we have done. There were the vacations to La Union for the beach, and also to Baguio for the two months of summer vacation. One achievement I am proud of is getting a handicap of 9 at golf. I once played 54 holes in one day and made two holes-in-one and I never told anyone at the club because for sure they would ask for a blowout.
As for the moments, there are so many, and for each child, there is always something special that connects me with him or her. Even if they never developed the practice of mano, Bernie, John, all the girls and occasionally Joey, have this practice of kissing, even in public, to show their love and respect. And you know, this is seldom done and even with my parents I was embarrassed to do this.
BERNIE: Twenty years ago when we had our first baby, that was a defining moment. But a more defining one was in December 2001 when I became a grandfather, and who else would become great-granddaddy?
Your son/father is prominent in his own right – what are your feelings about this?
JOE: No other word but PROUD. Proud of them because they have worked hard to get to where they are. As you know, Joey took over the presidency of RFM and he was responsible for the success of Cosmos. Joey acquired Cosmos and made it into a strong number two behind Coca Cola. There were a lot of mixed emotions when we sold Cosmos to San Miguel Corporation.
Bernie is the son who is closest to me in terms of having a heart for the people. He not only shares my vision to uplift the lives of our agricultural workers, majority of whom are poor, he is now also implementing it in Swift Foods, of which he is president.
In Swift, we are undergoing a transformation that we hope will be the model for Philippine business. Each employee, contract grower, feed miller, dressing plant and hatchery operator is part of a team that shares a win-win vision for equitable profitability and global competitiveness, and is bound together by a deep spirituality and concern for the entire community.
John is the architect of Selecta’s success. His background in marketing helped propel Selecta to market leadership in ice cream, taking on the market leader and making the brand one of the icons of the Philippines. Now, everywhere Filipinos go, they are proud to say that Selecta is a Filipino product.
All the five girls are entrepreneurs and they are also successful, and I encourage all my children in what they do.
BERNIE: I am proud of what he has achieved and accomplished. Material gains did not interest him. He continues to derive the greatest satisfaction and fulfillment when he is of service to the country.
Do you think you have prepared them for what they are experiencing now?
JOE: Yes, because I believe we have built a solid foundation for them. They have imbibed our vision for a better Philippines and our values of integrity, hard work, honesty, and concern for the problems of our people and country. Most importantly, God is at the center of their lives. They, and now their own children, are already part of the process and they have understood, adopted, and are carrying on with our vision and mission.
BERNIE: Absolutely! He prepared us to be tough individuals and I mean very tough emotionally! Passionate and committed in anything we get our hands into.
What advice or lasting impressions would you like to give to other fathers/sons who may find themselves in your position?
JOE: You should set the example in the values that you uphold, and be a role model. You should play an active role in your community, and get your family actively involved in community affairs and in national issues, and in this way help empower the members of your community.
BERNIE: Value the good things. Value the blessings. Nobody, neither myself nor my parents are perfect. Learn how to accept and manage your weaknesses and build on the strengths. Life is beautiful.
JOAQUI: Being a father means you are responsible for whatever you have created. This means teaching your son the proper values in life for him to be able to distinguish right from wrong, for him to be decent. A father means that you will always be there for your son, whether they be good or bad times.
LUIGI: It is a window to what being a father is.
What was your experience in raising your son? In being the son?
JOAQUI: It was a fun experience raising Luigi since we were both into sports, so that meant spending a lot of time with each other.
LUIGI: We have common interests and areas but I am still charting my own path.
Can you cite a specific moment or event that was your defining moment as a dad? As a son?
JOAQUI: My defining moment as a dad was when I saw Luigi being born (I was in the OR) and I couldn’t help but think to myself: "Wow, that’s half of me." I guess that’s the reason there’s such a strong bond between a father and a son.
LUIGI: Making my collegiate basketball team. I wanted to follow in his footsteps.
Your son/father is prominent in his own right. What are your feelings about this?
JOAQUI: I feel great because he excels in what he does. Apart from being hard- working, he is also gifted.
LUIGI: I’m very proud to be his son because of who he is as a person. There will be expectations placed on me, but I have to find my own niche.
Do you think you have prepared them for what they are experiencing now?
JOAQUI: I would like to believe so. I remember telling him once, "You will like your job only if you enjoy what you are doing. Don’t treat it like work." This has worked well for him. I guess this holds true for all of us.
LUIGI: Yes, my father has prepared me well and also given me enough leeway to grow.
What advice or lasting impressions would you like to give to other fathers/sons who may find themselves in your position?
JOAQUI: Be loving as a father, but also firm. Also, discipline is a must for all fathers since this teaches the child the proper values which he needs as he grows. And go ahead, spank your child if he’s been a naughty boy. It’s good for him.
LUIGI: It is nice to have a supportive father you can look up to, but you have to be your own man for any son to truly succeed.
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