The sound of success

DEAR NANAY,

I’m writing in reaction to the letter of “L” regarding her hearing-impaired daughter who is graduating from college this April.

I am a 53-year-old lawyer and a certified public accountant and presently a senior official holding a responsible and sensitive position in a government institution. I have been diagnosed with Large Vestibular Aqueduct Syndrome (LVAS) resulting in severe to profound hearing loss in both my left and right ears. I already had profound hearing loss in my right ear before hearing in both my ears completely collapsed in January 2005. Before that fateful day, I had opportunities for career advancement in the agency I’m working with. And then it struck, and the whole world seemed to collapse around me. To say that I was completely devastated is an understatement. Like L’s daughter, I wanted to die.

I considered disability retirement and had to forego to a large extent my love for dancing and singing. I was a very active member of the agency’s choir and also of a professional dance group at that time. I went on leave for several months and with steroid treatment recovered partially my hearing but only enough to allow me to wear hearing aids. My doctor was pushing for a cochlear implant — one ear at a time, but I decided against it in the hope that by some miracle my hearing will be restored. So for now, I have to be content with wearing hearing aids in both my ears.  I was told though that ultimately, I will lose my hearing completely.

I was fortunate that, despite my disability, the appointing power still believed in my competence and capability and promoted me to the position I currently hold. The past four years have been a difficult and an arduous journey. There were times I wanted to give up as I suffered humiliation, frustration and depression due to my condition. The stress and heavy workload, which come with my position, did not help either. But I managed to cope and did my best to perform my tasks, devoting precious time to and focus on my work beyond what is normally required.

I’ve often been told that I am quite an extraordinary and special person because, despite my disability, I manage to excel in most of the things that I do. My often retort was, “I’d rather not be special or extraordinary; I just want to have my hearing back.” But when I think about it, yes, indeed, maybe I’m extraordinary and I’ve been blessed that, in spite of my misfortune, I can still make a difference in the lives of others.

So to “L,” all is not lost for your daughter. If she has the capability, as I think she has, and the drive to succeed, she can make a life for herself. After all, she is one extraordinary person. There is always hope for people like her daughter in this world.

C

Dear C,

The letter from “L” about her daughter suffering from hearing loss has probably generated more mail than any of our other previous letters.

There have been people who wanted to help and others who are asking for help. But your letter has been one of the most inspiring. It gives hope to those who feel desperate. Confidence to those who feel lost. And most of all, it shows that with determination and hard work, regardless of what challenges lie ahead of us, we can do anything!

Congratulations on your accomplishments. Your story is truly uplifting.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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Is it wrong to love an older woman?

Dear Nanay,

I am a senior analyst in a non-profit organization. Because I want to improve my skill and broaden my knowledge, I have decided to resign from this job and study full time. I mentioned this to my superior months before my planned departure so I could have time to turn over my duties and responsibilities to the new analyst. Soon after I told my boss about my resignation, I also started to spend more non-work related time with my co-workers knowing that I wouldn’t have that much time to bond with them after I left the company.

I got particularly close to one of my co-workers who is nine years my senior. I liked her before, but I decided against courting her because I knew that one of our co-workers is already making the moves on her. But now that we spend a lot of time just the two of us, I feel that she sincerely seeks and enjoys my company. Now that she has clarified that she and our colleague are just friends, I’m starting to develop feelings for her once again.

My question is, will I pursue a romantic relationship with her now even if in one month I will leave the company, even if one of my colleagues seems to have feelings for her although she already said they are just friends, and even if I’m nine years younger than her? I don’t want to get into a relationship with her if I know it’s bound to fall apart anyway.

I hope you can help me, Nanay.

JR

Dear JR,

Let me tell you what I think about your questions one by one.

With regard to the fact that you are leaving the company, I don’t think that should matter. It might even do you some good. Kung minsan hindi naman maganda kung magkasama na kayo (sometimes it is not good that you are together) 24 hours a day. Sometimes it is better for you to keep part of your lives separate from each other.

With regard to your colleague, if the girl you are interested in has already said that she is not interested in him, then I don’t think you should let his feelings stand in your way. If they are already dating, then that is a different story. But as long as they have no commitment to each other, then she is free to choose whomever she wants to be with.

And as far as the age difference is concerned, there are many men today who are dating women who are significantly older. I don’t think age is that big a factor anymore. Nine years is not that big a gap. If you both think that you can overcome whatever challenges you might face because of the difference, then I say go for it!

Sincerely,

Nanay

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