When a boyfriend is not serious about life or career
Dear Nanay,
I am in a happy relationship right now with my boyfriend, whom I have been with for four years. I have no major complaints. We are very compatible, he is thoughtful, sweet, loyal, and if we have arguments we talk about it and resolve the problem immediately. But I feel he doesn’t have plans for us in the future or he is not thinking about it yet. We are both 27 now and I feel that my chances of having a baby will be slimmer as I get older. I’ve tried to mention this to him, as well as my parents and his parents; even his lolo mentions it to him but he doesn’t seem responsive. He tells me he has plans for us but he doesn’t have the right career opportunity to support a family financially. I earn twice what he does, but it was never a problem before.
I feel he is not serious about his life and career. He is just a happy-go-lucky person. I feel that if he really has plans and dreams for us in the future, he will work hard for it. I don’t want to pressure him, but sometimes I am thinking of breaking up with him to make him realize that he needs to grow up. But I don’t want to leave him. How long should I wait?
Ms. Confused
Dear Ms. Confused,
If he is happy-go-lucky person, then maybe you will just have to accept him for the way he is. He may change. But then again, he might not. Perhaps you have to decide if you can see yourself with this man for the rest of your life.
With regards to having a baby … you are only 27. You are still so young! Today, it seems like everyone is getting married later and later. Parang halos lahat na kasal na napupuntahan ko (It seems that, in almost all the weddings I go to), the bride and groom are in their thirties. And as long as you take care of yourself and stay healthy, I do not think you will have a problem having a baby. So relax, you still have plenty of time.
The only other suggestion I can make is for you to talk to your boyfriend with regards to his career plans. What are his goals? Where does he want to be before he is ready to commit to a family? But you also have to realize that unlike you, he may not have concrete career plans. Are you ready to accept that? You said you earn more than him. Are you ready to be the primary breadwinner in your family? If you are, then tell him that you will be the one to support the family. Pero baka mahihirapan ka (But you might encounter difficulty) if he wants to be the breadwinner but he is not doing anything about it.
Remember, you should not rush or force a marriage. The timing has to be correct. Be patient. If you really love him, then I think you should give him a little more time.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Readers Help ‘L’
Dear Nanay,
I just read your article that talked about a certain “L” who has a hearing problem. My brother also had a hearing problem and we went to two or three doctors who also said that there was nothing we could do. Finally we found a doctor who was able to help him. I agree that your reader should get a second or third opinion. I am also including the contact information of the doctor who helped my brother and hopefully he can help your reader also.
Angie
Dear angie,
Thank you very much for your letter. We actually received a number of responses from people who were willing to help or to refer doctors. Needless to say, we will forward all your e-mails to “L.”
Thank you all very much for offering your kind help.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.
