She doesn't know who her daughter's father is

Dear Nanay,

I think it was yesterday that I discovered your column in The Philippine STAR. I liked your advice to the guy who thinks that the girl only loves him because he’s generous. It’s like you did not crush his hope that maybe the girl also likes him.

I also need advice about my daughter. She’s turning five this October and I’m only 24 years old. I had her when I was in college. The thing is, I don’t know who her father is. I had a boyfriend and a fling at that time. I never told anyone that I don’t know who the father is, not even my mom. She doesn’t look like either of those guys, so I still don’t have any idea. I don’t want to tell her that her “father” did not accept her. I don’t want her to hate anyone. I just want her to be happy with what she has — me. I’m confused.

Thanks in advance.

 A

Dear A,

I think you have two problems: finding out who the father is and what to tell your daughter.

If you really want to find out who the father is, there are ways. All it would take is a DNA test. Of course I do not know what your relationship is with the two men from your past and whether or not they would submit to a DNA test. But all I am saying is that it is possible.

However, the bigger problem might be what to tell your daughter.

As a rule, do not lie. I would really stick to the truth. Maybe you can only reveal the parts of the truth that she is ready for, but it should be the truth nonetheless. Mahirap magsinungaling. (It’s hard when you lie.) Mabibisto ka din. (The truth will come out.) And when that happens, you never know how your daughter will react.

It is also very difficult to weave a complete story if you are lying. And children are very good at “cross examination” and asking “probing questions.” So it’s better to play safe.

Perhaps you can just tell her that you and her father don’t see each other anymore and that you have lost touch. That may not be the complete truth, but it will probably be enough for a five-year-old.

Just be ready because she will surely keep asking more and more questions. Eventually, she may need to know the whole truth but only you will be able to tell when she is emotionally ready.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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A Reader Gets Help

Dear Nanay,

I was the sender of the letter “Losing Precious Photos.” Thank you so much for posting my letter in print. I already received one e-mail from someone who can help me. I already e-mailed him and I hope he can help me with my problem. I hope there is a silver lining in all of this. Thanks, Nanay, and God bless you, your family and your business, my beloved National Book Store. I am a big fan of your bookstore and I’m a book lover. Thanks so much, Nanay!

The girl of Laguna

Dear Girl,

You’re most welcome. 

I am glad someone has volunteered to help you and I sincerely hope everything turns out for the better.

And thank you for being a book lover.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.