A very personal graduation story

(Second of two parts)

One of my favorite authors James Agee wrote: “In every child who is born, under no matter what circumstances, and of no matter what parents, the potentiality of the human race is born again.”

The continuation of Michelle’s commencement address follows:

 “I remember what the late Prof. Randy Pausch, famous for his last lecture, said: ‘We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.’ School was indeed my saving grace because whatever happened, life here was consistent. In school, I learned how to play the hand and deal with my situation the best way that I could. There were supportive and compassionate teachers who were responsible for that. The concern, the loving gestures.   My mom, whom I love dearly, tried to make life as stable, secure, and consistent as she could. Poveda made it easier for her to provide us that, no matter what happened. And for that, I will always be grateful.

“My early years in the home that was this school made it easier for me to accept my situation. This place was filled with sympathetic and caring teachers who went out of their way to do more than just teach. I think I became a teacher because of that.

“So the first lesson learned: A kind word, a loving gesture, an expression of concern can make the difference in someone’s life. It really did in mine. I think our world could really do with more kindness, don’t you think? I have always tried to take that to heart.

“Which brings me to my next story. One day, during my second year in high school, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and given three months to live. By the time it was discovered the cancer had spread almost everywhere. I went to school the following day, dazed and devastated. As the long day dragged on, I kept the pain of the news I just heard the night before to myself, feeling that the less I spoke of it, the less real it would be. I know you do a lot of that these days; we keep many things to ourselves. It surely ate me up. Our guidance counselor approached me that day and asked me why my eyes looked sad. And I spoke for the first time and the pain grew less and the reality set in. I learned so much about compassion and sensitivity in this place. To the teacher who reached out to me that painful day, you know who you are, know that you taught me a valuable lesson that day. The eyes are truly the windows to one’s soul and to this day, I continue to be sensitive to that. I took away with me valuable lessons of empathy and compassion that day, and again, I am truly grateful.

“My dad passed away less than a week after he was diagnosed and the suddenness shook us all. The day after he passed away, as I lay at home trying to avoid the events of the day, my classmates sat in school unable to concentrate on anything. You see, we were a family here in school. What happened to one, happened to all. And we learned that very early. Sisters. That’s what we were before being classmates. I never had any sisters, just three older brothers so the gift of sisterhood this place gave me was priceless. I am not sure who pleaded with whom that day. You all know what the consequences of cutting classes would be. But by the end of the morning, the whole batch was getting into two tourist buses to go to my dad’s wake and be with me, with the school’s blessing, of course. I don’t think Mang Baguio would have let the whole batch out through the gates without the permission of the principal. Thank you, Ms. Basas. That was what got me up from bed and face the reality of my dad’s death. There was a sea of orange uniforms when I got to the church that day, a comforting sight I will never forget.

“So another lesson learned : Treasure the friends you make here and will continue to make throughout your life, for true friendships are truly priceless. The same girls I sat with on a similar day like this 17 years ago are still my most special of friends. That is indeed a great gift.

“And now, the final story in this little storytelling session we are having….During our senior year, as we took the scary entrance tests and filled out the endless application forms, I was convinced I wanted to study Economics. The truth was, I felt pressured to have to come up with something. I thought the world expected me to know exactly what I was going to do with my life. My dad was an economist, my brothers were all in finance; my mother was a lawyer. I felt I needed to do something grand, too.  

“The year I spent in UP was the year I learned to honor myself. Economics just didn’t feel right. I was caught up in a sea of expectations. I felt the pressure to succeed. I was juggling messages of expectations and obligations and was not happy with myself.

 “I left for college in the States and pursued a degree in Psychology and loved it. I spent the following years really getting to know myself, loving myself, and listening to what Michelle wanted to do. I was truly a student of human nature and I loved learning about people. It felt right deep down inside.

“You don’t have to know today exactly what you want to do with your life, dear graduates. I didn’t know it yet then. I know I may be letting my former teachers down by saying I didn’t have it all together as it probably seemed. 

“When I work with my teenage coaching clients in my life coaching practice, I feel their pressure to conform and belong and realize how much harder it is today. I guess one of my messages to you today would be — set aside what society expects, what your peers expect, what your parents demand. Set aside first the messages that this culture sends through advertising and entertainment about how you should behave. Think about what feels right deep down in your heart and in your gut and follow that. And the only way to know how to listen to your gut is to know yourself and love yourself.  

“So another lesson learned: When you’re doing the work you’re meant to do, it feels right and every day is a bonus, regardless of what you’re getting paid.

 “It’s true. And how do you know when you’re doing something right? It feels right. Every right decision I’ve made has come from my gut and a whole lot of prayer. And every wrong decision I’ve ever made was a result of my not listening to the greater voice out there. Yes, we don’t just talk to God. If there’s one thing I realized all these years, amid the trials and adversities I have been blessed with, He wants to talk to us, too. We just have to learn to listen. I left Poveda with the firm knowledge that God was with me always. That surely got me through many things in my life and it continues to do so.

“The first summer I was home from school, I went back here to Poveda to visit, and as fate would have it, Ms. Maruxa Pita needed help with what was then the simple beginnings of the Makabata Foundation. There I met Zaldy, a hearing-impaired boy who could not speak. I was assigned to teach him the alphabet and his numbers. It was an unforgettable summer spent with Zaldy and the children who had so much less than we did but had such a tremendous thirst for learning, far more powerful than all of ours combined. Once again, these walls gave me a precious, precious gift. Here, in one of the classrooms on the first floor which is now the registrar’s office, I found my passion. I began my life as a teacher.

“I remember listening to my own college commencement speaker, the great Oprah Winfrey and took her words to heart: ‘So, I say to you,’ she said, ‘forget about the fast lane. If you really want to fly, just harness your power to your passion. Honor your calling. Everybody has one. Trust your heart and success will come to you. So, how do you define success?’ She goes on and says: ‘Let me tell you, money’s pretty nice. I’m not going to stand up here and tell you that it’s not about money, ‘cause money is nice. I like money. It’s good for buying things,’ she said.

“But having a lot of money does not automatically make you a successful person. What is truly important, I have realized, is that you want your work to be meaningful. Because meaning is what brings the real richness to your life. What you really want is to be surrounded by people you trust and treasure and by people who cherish you. That’s when you’re really rich. 

“My experience those two summers during the beginnings of Makabata Foundation taught me what it was to give back and be grateful. It taught me valuable lessons about giving. We are all interdependent. We are a part of something larger, greater than us. Our actions affect the person next to us, whether we like it or not. There is so much to be done. It does not have to be anything grand — down the street, the person sitting next to you, around the world. It’s your choice and it’s never too late to start. Dedicate your life to something, even something simple and believe me, it gives it so much more meaning and direction

“So another lesson learned: Always be grateful. There is always something to be grateful for. To be truly content, we need to be grateful and to be happy, you have to give something back.  

“And so our storytelling session ends today. I wish we had picture books to make it more interesting. But I’m sure you are seated there today with lots of thoughts and pictures in your head. I plead to you to look around and be grateful for the people here today. If you walked away today, with even just one lesson learned, I would have been successful. If there’s one other lesson I can impart to you today, it is this: cherish your family and friends. Cherish the people within these four walls today. Nothing — not money, power, or fame — can replace your family and friends or bring them back once they are gone. And no one can ever take away the footprints that they have left and will continue to leave in your hearts. Congratulations, class of 2009!”

Michelle’s text to me after my emotional text to her at 3 a.m. the day after I read her speech simply said: “Thanks for your really nice message, Mom. If there wasn’t a YOU, there wouldn’t be a ME.”

That did not just make my day….it is going to make my life.

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