How not to become the ‘rebound’ guy
Dear Nanay,
It’s me again. I wrote to you before regarding my dream girl being in love with someone else (in the January 28, 2008 issue). You advised me to find another girl or wait until she becomes single again. Well, I just learned that she and her boyfriend broke up recently. It was the guy who initiated the breakup. I do still sincerely love her and I feel that this is the chance that you told me about, but I’m afraid that I might become the “rebound” guy. When do you think is the right time to reveal my true feelings to her?
Mark
Dear Mark,
Pag-asa mo na! Biro lang. (Now’s your chance! Joke only.)
But seriously, if you are afraid of being the “rebound” guy, I think you should just wait till things have settled down. You have to give her the time and space she needs to sort out her feelings and resolve her emotions. Just be a good friend to her and take things slowly.
If you rush too quickly, you don’t know what will happen. As you said, she might say “yes” but you might be the “rebound” guy. Or she might really like you but say “no,” because she is not emotionally ready for another relationship. So maybe you can give her a little more attention but not too much. Don’t make her feel uncomfortable. Basta friends lang kayo muna. (Just be friends with her first.)
When she is no longer so emotional, then you can slowly make ligaw (court her). Take your time. There’s no rush. Observe her and give her a chance to develop feelings for you also. Kapag nagpakita ng signal … iyon na! Iyon na ang pag-asa mo talaga! (Once she gives you a signal … that’s it! That’s really your chance!)
Good luck.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Reasons Not To Rush Into Marriage
Dear Nanay,
I am a nursing student who will be graduating next year from a prestigious university here in Manila. I have a boyfriend who is older but did not finish college and is currently a data encoder for a distribution company. My father does not want us together because he says that “he is not good enough for you” because he has no future and no career. He also says that he has “higher aspirations” for me and that I can do so much better. But I really love him and after I graduate we want to get married. I think I am old enough to make my own decisions but it will mean going against what my father wants and he might not forgive me. Should I follow my heart or my father?
AC
Dear AC,
You have to understand that your father only has your best interests in mind. When you have your own children you will understand how it feels to be a parent and to only want the best for your children.
My advice would be to concentrate on your studies first before thinking of getting married. You still have one year of studies to go. After that you will need to pass the board exams. Marami ka pang kailangan gawin bago mo puwedeng pag-isipan ang kasal. (You still have many things to do before you can even think about marriage.)
Getting married is only your decision to make — not your father’s. But it is not a decision that you should take lightly. Are you ready to have a family? Are you ready to live on your own? Are you ready to support children? Hindi basta-basta dapat nagpapakasal. (You don’t get married just like that.) It is not that simple. It is not just love. You have to consider your finances, your maturity and the timing also.
Finish what you have to — school, board exams, etc. Magtrabaho ka muna. (Get a job first.) Who knows? You might meet someone else or you might find later that he is not the right one for you. Don’t rush. You are still so young. If you feel after you have found a job and are settled down that you still love your boyfriend, then go ahead.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.
