‘In spite of’ versus ‘because of’
July 19, 2004 | 12:00am
Have you ever experienced the "I-can-watch-this-a-million-times" syndrome? You know, that inexplicable feeling where you watch a show or a movie and you tell yourself, "Boy, I can watch this every day!" I have. And I can’t explain it. It’s like an addiction. When I was a kid, I watched Superman around 10 times. Then Star Wars came along and I watched that around 15 times. Then the Back to the Future trilogy came into the picture. I watched that around 20 times I think. For some reason, I like watching movies that I have already watched.
Embarrassing as it may sound, the movie that holds the all-time record in my list is Sound of Music. When I was a kid, I probably watched it 50 times. I kid you not. And then I watched it a couple of more times when I was an adult, most recently last month. It’s the ultimate feel-good movie. Reminds me of my childhood years and days of innocence – concepts that unfortunately seem so distant and antiquated in this day and age.
Anyway, up until two and half years ago, I always thought that I was the only one who had this syndrome. I didn’t realize others had it, too. My wife Teemy is one of them. In fact, she beats me when it comes to this syndrome. When she really likes a movie, she can watch it twice in a row. I can never do that. When I watch a movie and I like it, I may watch it again, say, a year after? But not twice in a row, and certainly not thrice in a row. Teemy loves doing it. And here’s the clincher: She often wants me to watch with her. And, being the committed husband that I am (sucker!), I do.
In the first few months of our marriage, I had to deal with Hercules (the Disney movie). Ask me any song in that movie and I can sing it. Then I endured The Ring. Man, that was tough. Seeing Sadako for four straight hours is not a pleasant experience. One time, after watching the movie, I woke up in the middle of the night and I looked at Teemy, who was lying beside me sleeping in a white night gown on, and with her long black hair covering her face. I freaked out, man. I jumped out of bed and shouted, "Whoa!!!" It took awhile before I could get back to my senses.
Then The Ring (American version) came out. I went through the same nightmare, only this time there were no English subtitles in my dream.
Most recently, we watched a double dose of that Sean Penn movie I Am Sam. That’s the flavor of the month. So far, we’ve watched it 10 times I think. It doesn’t hold the world record yet but it’s getting there.
The great thing about watching a movie over and over again is you finally get to figure out what the characters are saying. More often than not, when you watch a movie for the first time, you won’t be able to catch all the dialogue. But having watched I Am Sam repeatedly, I was finally able to catch some real good exchanges between characters – lines that somehow change my perspective on things, particularly on business.
There was a scene in the movie where the neighbor of Sam named Annie is testifying on his behalf, insisting to the family court judge that Sam is fit to have custody of his daughter Lucy. The state took Lucy away from Sam because they felt Sam couldn’t possibly be a good father to her. In the scene, the neighbor is asked by the lawyer (played by Michelle Pfeiffer), "So do you think that Sam is fit to take care of Lucy?" Annie answers, "Yes, I do." The lawyer asks, "Why do you say that?" And Annie replies, "Well look at Lucy – she is strong, and has empathy for people, all kinds of people. I know that most of you will say, ‘Wow, she’s so smart in spite of her father.’ But I think Lucy is smart because of her father."
The first time I saw that scene, I didn’t catch what Annie said. But after watching it several times, I realized the wonderful message behind it. And again, it’s very applicable in our every day lives, especially in business.
Oftentimes, in our daily business dealings, we often see things in the negative. So we normally have a tendency to say "in spite of" rather than "because of." We often say, "in spite of our lack of time and resources, we were able to pull it off and meet our budget" – not realizing that you probably were able to pull it off, precisely because the pressure was on.
When I was in law school, I would often say, "Wow, in spite of the fact that the professor was a terror, we passed the subject" – not realizing that maybe, the reason why I passed the subject in the first place was because I worked so hard, because I knew the teacher was a terror. When we achieve something in spite of all the obstacles, we often say, "Wow, we were able to finish the project, in spite of all the challenges." We may not know it, but maybe the reason why we had the resolve to finish the project was precisely because of the challenges. In the most recent NBA Finals, people were saying, "Wow, the Detroit Pistons beat the Los Angeles Lakers in spite of the fact that they didn’t have superstars." I see it differently. I think the reason the Pistons won to begin with was because they didn’t have superstars with superstar egos.
It’s tragic that we often see things in "in spite of" mode rather than the "because of" mode. We say, "In spite of the bad economy, small businesses are thriving." But really, if we think about it, perhaps the reason why small businesses are thriving is precisely because the economy is bad. People tend to work harder during these bad times. People these days cannot survive solely on their salaries so they are forced to find creative ways to augment their income, usually by coming up with innovative and creative small business ideas.
In my dealings with various companies, I often hear corporate executives say, "Times are tough, so we decreased our advertising budget. But in spite of our trimming down operational costs, we’re still in the red."
What some of them probably don’t realize is that they are still in the red precisely because they decreased their ad-spend. Lesser ad-spend means lesser exposure, and lesser exposure means fewer people are aware of your product. And we all know that a lack of awareness among people means less business.
There’s a principle in advertising that states it is precisely during difficult times that you have to advertise more. When people have less money, they will tend to spend their money on products and services that are familiar with them first (before they go out and experiment on other products). And advertising breeds familiarity.
To sum up, what I am really trying to say is this: We all have the ability to see things differently. Some people see life as "in spite of," which generally brings about a "tolerating and suffering attitude" on the circumstances surrounding our lives. But others see life as "because of." Meaning, they live life precisely because it poses challenges. When you look at Lance Armstrong, the five-time Tour de France winner, you might be tempted to say, "Imagine, he had cancer before, but in spite of that, he won five times." But I bet if you ask him about it, he’d probably say, "It’s because I had to deal with cancer, that I am able to compete and excel in the Tour."
Ultimately, the way we live our lives does not depend on the circumstances around us. It’s how we see things. Look around you. What do you see? Do you see your family and children? When you see them, do you say, "In spite of these hard times, I am able to somehow support them"? Or do you say, "Because of my family, I work hard"? Those are two different ways of looking at the same situation. But we all know what’s the better way of looking at things, right?
So, go ahead. List down the different circumstances in your life, and check out which circumstance in your life you consider as "in spite of." Then shift your attitude and think of them as "because of." You’d be amazed how different your attitude in life will be and how things will change in your life.
Thanks for your letters! You may e-mail me at rodnepo@yahoo.com.
Embarrassing as it may sound, the movie that holds the all-time record in my list is Sound of Music. When I was a kid, I probably watched it 50 times. I kid you not. And then I watched it a couple of more times when I was an adult, most recently last month. It’s the ultimate feel-good movie. Reminds me of my childhood years and days of innocence – concepts that unfortunately seem so distant and antiquated in this day and age.
Anyway, up until two and half years ago, I always thought that I was the only one who had this syndrome. I didn’t realize others had it, too. My wife Teemy is one of them. In fact, she beats me when it comes to this syndrome. When she really likes a movie, she can watch it twice in a row. I can never do that. When I watch a movie and I like it, I may watch it again, say, a year after? But not twice in a row, and certainly not thrice in a row. Teemy loves doing it. And here’s the clincher: She often wants me to watch with her. And, being the committed husband that I am (sucker!), I do.
In the first few months of our marriage, I had to deal with Hercules (the Disney movie). Ask me any song in that movie and I can sing it. Then I endured The Ring. Man, that was tough. Seeing Sadako for four straight hours is not a pleasant experience. One time, after watching the movie, I woke up in the middle of the night and I looked at Teemy, who was lying beside me sleeping in a white night gown on, and with her long black hair covering her face. I freaked out, man. I jumped out of bed and shouted, "Whoa!!!" It took awhile before I could get back to my senses.
Then The Ring (American version) came out. I went through the same nightmare, only this time there were no English subtitles in my dream.
Most recently, we watched a double dose of that Sean Penn movie I Am Sam. That’s the flavor of the month. So far, we’ve watched it 10 times I think. It doesn’t hold the world record yet but it’s getting there.
The great thing about watching a movie over and over again is you finally get to figure out what the characters are saying. More often than not, when you watch a movie for the first time, you won’t be able to catch all the dialogue. But having watched I Am Sam repeatedly, I was finally able to catch some real good exchanges between characters – lines that somehow change my perspective on things, particularly on business.
There was a scene in the movie where the neighbor of Sam named Annie is testifying on his behalf, insisting to the family court judge that Sam is fit to have custody of his daughter Lucy. The state took Lucy away from Sam because they felt Sam couldn’t possibly be a good father to her. In the scene, the neighbor is asked by the lawyer (played by Michelle Pfeiffer), "So do you think that Sam is fit to take care of Lucy?" Annie answers, "Yes, I do." The lawyer asks, "Why do you say that?" And Annie replies, "Well look at Lucy – she is strong, and has empathy for people, all kinds of people. I know that most of you will say, ‘Wow, she’s so smart in spite of her father.’ But I think Lucy is smart because of her father."
The first time I saw that scene, I didn’t catch what Annie said. But after watching it several times, I realized the wonderful message behind it. And again, it’s very applicable in our every day lives, especially in business.
Oftentimes, in our daily business dealings, we often see things in the negative. So we normally have a tendency to say "in spite of" rather than "because of." We often say, "in spite of our lack of time and resources, we were able to pull it off and meet our budget" – not realizing that you probably were able to pull it off, precisely because the pressure was on.
When I was in law school, I would often say, "Wow, in spite of the fact that the professor was a terror, we passed the subject" – not realizing that maybe, the reason why I passed the subject in the first place was because I worked so hard, because I knew the teacher was a terror. When we achieve something in spite of all the obstacles, we often say, "Wow, we were able to finish the project, in spite of all the challenges." We may not know it, but maybe the reason why we had the resolve to finish the project was precisely because of the challenges. In the most recent NBA Finals, people were saying, "Wow, the Detroit Pistons beat the Los Angeles Lakers in spite of the fact that they didn’t have superstars." I see it differently. I think the reason the Pistons won to begin with was because they didn’t have superstars with superstar egos.
It’s tragic that we often see things in "in spite of" mode rather than the "because of" mode. We say, "In spite of the bad economy, small businesses are thriving." But really, if we think about it, perhaps the reason why small businesses are thriving is precisely because the economy is bad. People tend to work harder during these bad times. People these days cannot survive solely on their salaries so they are forced to find creative ways to augment their income, usually by coming up with innovative and creative small business ideas.
In my dealings with various companies, I often hear corporate executives say, "Times are tough, so we decreased our advertising budget. But in spite of our trimming down operational costs, we’re still in the red."
What some of them probably don’t realize is that they are still in the red precisely because they decreased their ad-spend. Lesser ad-spend means lesser exposure, and lesser exposure means fewer people are aware of your product. And we all know that a lack of awareness among people means less business.
There’s a principle in advertising that states it is precisely during difficult times that you have to advertise more. When people have less money, they will tend to spend their money on products and services that are familiar with them first (before they go out and experiment on other products). And advertising breeds familiarity.
To sum up, what I am really trying to say is this: We all have the ability to see things differently. Some people see life as "in spite of," which generally brings about a "tolerating and suffering attitude" on the circumstances surrounding our lives. But others see life as "because of." Meaning, they live life precisely because it poses challenges. When you look at Lance Armstrong, the five-time Tour de France winner, you might be tempted to say, "Imagine, he had cancer before, but in spite of that, he won five times." But I bet if you ask him about it, he’d probably say, "It’s because I had to deal with cancer, that I am able to compete and excel in the Tour."
Ultimately, the way we live our lives does not depend on the circumstances around us. It’s how we see things. Look around you. What do you see? Do you see your family and children? When you see them, do you say, "In spite of these hard times, I am able to somehow support them"? Or do you say, "Because of my family, I work hard"? Those are two different ways of looking at the same situation. But we all know what’s the better way of looking at things, right?
So, go ahead. List down the different circumstances in your life, and check out which circumstance in your life you consider as "in spite of." Then shift your attitude and think of them as "because of." You’d be amazed how different your attitude in life will be and how things will change in your life.
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