‘Nothing’

One time I was having dinner with my father and we had an animated conversation about the magic and beauty of…logic. We’re kind of a nerdy family, you know. In the past, my father wouldn’t ask us questions like, "So, what happened in school today?" Rather he would ask, "Did you know that if you cut off a cockroach’s head, it could live for a couple of days?" or "Did you know that Hitler wasn’t German?" So when he started talking about the wonders and intricacies of logic, it didn’t really surprise me. In fact, my brothers and I girded up for a long discussion (and thus, a long dinner) so when he started his speech, my mom started making popcorn.

"You know," he said, "people’s use of logic is beautiful – but sometimes people can use it in a rather skewed and perverted way. In fact, through logic, I had a friend who was able to prove that siopao is greater than God."

"Siopao? Why siopao?" I asked.

"Well, I guess he couldn’t think of a better thing at that moment. We all know that siopao is something, right? And something is always greater than nothing, right?"

"Ok, so?" I said.

"But nothing is greater than God, right?" my father asked. "Of course," I answered.

"So," he concluded, "since siopao is something, and something is greater than nothing, and nothing is greater than God, therefore, logically, siopao is greater than God."

I thought for a while, undecided if I should laugh or gobble a handful of popcorn. After gathering my wits, I asked my dad, "Well, if siopao is greater than God, shouldn’t we begin our prayers with ‘Dear Siopao’ instead of ‘Dear God?"

Silence. Then, my father turned on the TV. I think he didn’t speak to me for a week.

Anyway, I was thinking about this "dining room story" the other day because I was pondering on the word "nothing." I keep on hearing this word "nothing," especially from my wife. Whenever I see her a bit bothered and I ask her what’s wrong, she has one constant answer, "Nothing!"

It’s weird. I think it’s a universal rule for women. All guys I know experience the same thing with their partner. I think Webster was wrong when he defined "nothing" as the "absence of something." In the dictionary, there should be a male definition and a female definition of the word "nothing." It’s a pretty tricky word.

And a very powerful word, too. Imagine what this seemingly innocent and passive word has done in recent months. President Bush declared in the UN, "Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. I am sure of it. Saddam, what do you have to say about this?"

Saddam answered, "Nothing!"

Boom! In three weeks, his regime was reduced to – that’s right – nothing! Imagine that. Never underestimate a word!

Nothing Is Something

Going back to the "Siopao is greater than God" argument – I must say that there is something deeper in that story. Of course, the whole argument is hinged on the function of the word "nothing." If you think about it, it’s really not a brilliant logical dissertation – it’s more of a play of words, an abuse the definition or function of the word "nothing."

But really, if you think about it, "nothing" is an important word. If anything, apart from it being a word to describe the absence of something (and apart from it’s relevance in a woman’s vocabulary when she is ticked off) – "nothing" is the attitude that we should have about ourselves.

I have a theory that 90 percent of the problems we have in this world could be attributed to ego or our love of self. You don’t have to look far to prove this theory. Observe your own office. A lot of corporate squabblings and conflicts are really caused by people getting angry because they feel they were somehow "bypassed" or they were "not duly informed" or they were "not given due recognition." All these feelings are brought about by our love for self. In such instances, we feel our dignity, our person, our reputation, our standing in the company has been violated. Then we make a big fuss out of it and one thing leads to another – and before you know it, the company is composed of one big bunch of crybabies pointing to each other and saying, "It’s his fault! It’s her fault." It reminds you of our sandbox days, doesn’t it?

Well, if more of us think of ourselves as "nothing," I think this will be a much better world. And this is not a new theory. The Good Book instructs us to live that way – that is, after all the good work you have done, all the wonderful things you have achieved, your attitude should really be, "I am a useless servant; I have just done what I am expected to do; I am nothing."

Because that’s what we really are. We’re all nothing. None of us will ever outlive the world. We’re really just passing through. Dust in the wind. Look at the world’s most powerful people 50 years ago. They used to control the world. And now they are fertilizing plants. Life on earth is a passing thing. We just have to make the most out of it – doing the right thing with the right attitude, of course.

And the right attitude is to really consider yourself as nothing. And don’t feel too bad for considering yourself "nothing." You may not be greater than God for being "nothing," but hey, He died for you. That certainly makes you something, even if in reality, you are nothing. But you are certainly greater than siopao.

So cheer up! And the next time you meet someone and you greet him, "Hey, wassup?" And the guy goes, "Nothing much." Say to him, "Wow, you the man!!! You’re greater than siopao, buddy!"

Then give him a hug and walk away.

He’ll think you’re loony, but hey, at least you’ll make someone’s life more interesting. And that’s certainly something!

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Thanks for your letters, folks! You may e-mail me at rodnepo@yahoo.com.