The one-man army
March 31, 2003 | 12:00am
When a young Prince Charming unwittingly falls into the claws of the matrimonial illusion, he is no longer expected to fulfill the responsibilities of a husband. No sir, the young Charming (who will soon be less charming) is expected to fulfill the responsibilities of the wife as well. The age of the hunter-gatherer or homemaker is long gone. In its place is the age of hunter-gatherer AND homemaker. Hence the line, "I pronounce you, man and wife." Animal husbandry meets Androgynous Housebandry.
It’s almost an initiation into bisexuality. Former Charmings are now tending to the home as well as working their nine to fives. Men now have to multi-task their way to a happy, workable marriage. The kitchen is no longer the wife’s queendom, but the man’s battle ground. Many an egg has been spilt in futile hopes of cooking ourselves breakfast. But men learn (not quickly, but eventually) the skills which were formerly attributed to women alone.
Men can change diapers, clean living rooms, throw house parties – and due to a rather nifty invention known as the microwave – can serve up a very tasty TV dinner.
But this hardly empowers the modern man. What ensues is a maelstrom of tasks and duties that have to be juggled with one hand in the air, and the other on the panic button. Society requires a lot from the former Charmings of the world, and a huge chunk of it is staging a little production on the theater known as life.
With a cast and crew of one!
The modern man is expected to be Don Corleone, the strong-willed mafia icon played by Marlon Brando in Mario Puzo’s The Godfather. The ultimate provider. The gentle giant who’s willing to take a bullet for the family.
The modern man is also expected to be Giovani Cassanova. Of course the womanizing side of this philandering Italian could be lived well without (especially with respect to your wife). Even after a hard day’s work, young Charming is still expected to perform in the bedroom. Round after round after exhausting round. Knowing the Kama Sutra like the back of your hand is no longer just a plus – it’s the whole bloody equation.
Oddly enough, the modern man is also expected to be gay. Though sleeping around with other men is a little bit beyond the bar, a loving husband is required to have a personal connection with his feminine side. To not be would brand you as an insensitive, an egocentric, and (as usual) a chauvinist. Men have to be in tune with women’s needs. Men have to be willing to sit through a Hugh Grant movie and have a hanky ready when Richard Gere makes his profession of love. Men have to let go of their masculine tendencies and realize that there are more important things than the stock market, CNN and the NBA playoffs – like shopping.
Not surprisingly, the modern man is expected to be Richard Gomez. Men are required to have a "supposedly" great physique, great bone structure and a face that women want to wake up next to in the morning. Not everyone is very keen on Richard so substitutions are applied in a case-to-case basis: George Clooney, Piolo Pascual, Brad Pitt, Martin Nievera or Tony Blair (yes, sex appeal does exist in politics). Though women like to claim that aesthetics mean very little in the matrimonial ball park – just watch how their eyes seem to fall into a hypnotized gaze when you see the next Bench billboard.
And not to forget, the modern man is expected to be Bill Gates. Reasonably enough, it is impossible to juxtapose any physical attractiveness with a walking bank account with glasses. But nonetheless, a top priority in the long list of traits that exude the perfect husband is – need we even mention – wealth. Nothing beats financial stability.
In recent decades, man has been burdened with the responsibilities that used to be fit for a dozen. Marriage is a package deal where you’re definitely biting off more than you can chew: father-figure, breadwinner, lover, friend and homemaker; not to mention the other odd jobs like chauffeur and butler, scapegoat and accountant. The list goes on and on. If husbandry was a blue-collar job, then all men would be rich. Every man is now his own one-man army.
Women claim their plight is just as harsh, heightened by the weight of labor and menopausal woes. But one tends to forget that they were once damsels in distress, rescued only by men who were once Prince Charmings.
It’s almost an initiation into bisexuality. Former Charmings are now tending to the home as well as working their nine to fives. Men now have to multi-task their way to a happy, workable marriage. The kitchen is no longer the wife’s queendom, but the man’s battle ground. Many an egg has been spilt in futile hopes of cooking ourselves breakfast. But men learn (not quickly, but eventually) the skills which were formerly attributed to women alone.
Men can change diapers, clean living rooms, throw house parties – and due to a rather nifty invention known as the microwave – can serve up a very tasty TV dinner.
But this hardly empowers the modern man. What ensues is a maelstrom of tasks and duties that have to be juggled with one hand in the air, and the other on the panic button. Society requires a lot from the former Charmings of the world, and a huge chunk of it is staging a little production on the theater known as life.
With a cast and crew of one!
The modern man is expected to be Don Corleone, the strong-willed mafia icon played by Marlon Brando in Mario Puzo’s The Godfather. The ultimate provider. The gentle giant who’s willing to take a bullet for the family.
The modern man is also expected to be Giovani Cassanova. Of course the womanizing side of this philandering Italian could be lived well without (especially with respect to your wife). Even after a hard day’s work, young Charming is still expected to perform in the bedroom. Round after round after exhausting round. Knowing the Kama Sutra like the back of your hand is no longer just a plus – it’s the whole bloody equation.
Oddly enough, the modern man is also expected to be gay. Though sleeping around with other men is a little bit beyond the bar, a loving husband is required to have a personal connection with his feminine side. To not be would brand you as an insensitive, an egocentric, and (as usual) a chauvinist. Men have to be in tune with women’s needs. Men have to be willing to sit through a Hugh Grant movie and have a hanky ready when Richard Gere makes his profession of love. Men have to let go of their masculine tendencies and realize that there are more important things than the stock market, CNN and the NBA playoffs – like shopping.
Not surprisingly, the modern man is expected to be Richard Gomez. Men are required to have a "supposedly" great physique, great bone structure and a face that women want to wake up next to in the morning. Not everyone is very keen on Richard so substitutions are applied in a case-to-case basis: George Clooney, Piolo Pascual, Brad Pitt, Martin Nievera or Tony Blair (yes, sex appeal does exist in politics). Though women like to claim that aesthetics mean very little in the matrimonial ball park – just watch how their eyes seem to fall into a hypnotized gaze when you see the next Bench billboard.
And not to forget, the modern man is expected to be Bill Gates. Reasonably enough, it is impossible to juxtapose any physical attractiveness with a walking bank account with glasses. But nonetheless, a top priority in the long list of traits that exude the perfect husband is – need we even mention – wealth. Nothing beats financial stability.
In recent decades, man has been burdened with the responsibilities that used to be fit for a dozen. Marriage is a package deal where you’re definitely biting off more than you can chew: father-figure, breadwinner, lover, friend and homemaker; not to mention the other odd jobs like chauffeur and butler, scapegoat and accountant. The list goes on and on. If husbandry was a blue-collar job, then all men would be rich. Every man is now his own one-man army.
Women claim their plight is just as harsh, heightened by the weight of labor and menopausal woes. But one tends to forget that they were once damsels in distress, rescued only by men who were once Prince Charmings.
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