Actually...

Have you ever paused to wonder how we sometimes say things that are either useless or oftentimes don’t make any sense at all? I do. I stay up all night thinking about it. I get really amused how most of us say things without really knowing what we’re talking about. We have all these clichés and we just let it slide everyday. But if you really analyze them, they usually: (1) make no sense; (2) are no longer relevant; (3) or imply something bad about ourselves. And frankly, I don’t get it why we still use all these phrases. I still use them, I know.

An example is the phrase, "selling like hotcakes." You hear people say that all the time when they talk about something that’s really selling well.

Guy: How’s your hotdog business?

Girl: Oh, the hotdogs are selling like hotcakes!

To quote Scooby Doo, "Huh?!" In this day and age, if you’re in the hotcake business, chances are you’re probably not doing that great. I don’t see people lining up for hotcakes in this country, do you? But they’re lining up for a Jollibee burger. One might argue, "Well, how about Pancake House? They are doing well." Well, their slogan these days is about offering more than just hotcakes or pancakes. And I’ll bet that’s the reason why they are doing well. Because if not, chances are their net profit chart will be as "flat as a pancake." So maybe we should really think twice before we use this expression. Maybe we should say, "They’re selling like Microsoft software." Or maybe "they’re selling like fake DVDs." That should make more sense.

Another phrase is, "the long and short of it," which we hear a lot in business talk. (The boss usually says, "Well, the long and short of it is that we need to have tighter controls with respect to our overhead expenses.") What the…?!! I don’t think a thing or a situation can be two opposing things at the same time. A thing is either long or short, and it can’t be both at the same time. If it was in between long and short, then it would be just "medium." I don’t know how that will sound, though. The medium of it is that we need to cut down on overhead costs.

Sounds awkward, but makes more sense than "the long and short of it," don’t you agree? So, whenever you hear someone say this expression, cut him short right away and say, "So what is it – long or short? Make up your mind, buster."

Right now, "actually" is probably the most abused word, especially by showbiz people who want to sound deep or articulate.

Interviewer: So, kayo na nga ba talaga?

Starlet: Actually...

What kind of a stupid answer is that? How can you actually have a one-word sentence like "Actually"? As far as I know, and please correct me if I’m wrong, the word "actually" doesn’t mean "yes" nor does it mean "no." But that’s how a lot of people seem to be using it now. Also, "actually" is now being used as replacement for the phrase "I agree."

Talk show host: "Medyo kailangang pag-isipan ng Senate itong VAT on professionals."

Starlet: "Actually."

Again, may I say, "What the….?!!" From my understanding, the word " actually" should be a prelude to describing how a situation truly is. Such as "Actually, we’re not lovers – we’re just friends" (which is, of course, another showbiz cliché, but that’s another article altogether).

Another irritating phrase is, "to be honest." We normally say this when we’re in a tight situation and we are demanded to give a straight answer.

Client: "Don’t beat around the bush. What’s the lowest price you can give me?"

Seller: "Well, to be honest, I can go as low as P15,000."

I have my misgivings with this phrase since it kinda implies that in your previous statements, you’ve been lying all along. And that’s a scary thought.

When people say these expressions, we know darn well what they are trying to say anyway, so we don’t have to fret about it too much. But I’m only trying to drive home a point: We normally don’t say what we really mean.

Haven’t you notice that we Pinoys are especially good at this. Whenever we are confronted with a touchy situation, and we are afraid that we might hurt someone – or we are afraid that we will expose some of our weaknesses or shortcomings, we have a tendency to sugarcoat our expressions.

Friend: "Hey, come to my party tonight, OK?"

You: "I’ll try." (When actually, what you want to say is "No.")

It’s really hard, especially since Pinoys have the tendency to always take things personally. But here’s the deal – if we continue to sugarcoat our statements, chances are no one will take us seriously. In this ever-changing world where borders are being ignored and we get to interact more easily with people from other countries, we really have to pay more attention with what we say. We can’t say "I’ll try" anymore, especially when we know that we really won’t try. And we can’t say to people "Siguro, puwede" when we know that there’s really no chance.

Of course, we also have to consider "tact." For example, if someone asks you what you think of a party he just hosted and you think the party sucked, don’t be brutal in saying, "Man, that was the worst party I ever attended." You could say it like this, "You know what, I think you should’ve just put the tables together rather than separated them so there would have been more interaction among the guests. But otherwise, thanks so much for inviting me. I always wanted to see your place." Sure, you may have sugarcoated it, but your sugarcoating did not compromise what you really wanted to say, nor did it compromise the truth.

So in the end of the day, the key things are truth and tact. Always keep that in mind. And you know what, to be honest, that’s all you need to get your message across. Actually.

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Thanks for your letters — you may write me at nepomucenor@mtv-asia.com.