The ‘Don’t Look At Me’ Syndrome

One of the intangible benefits of marrying late is that I got the chance to have a lot of practice dealing with kids – particularly, with nephews – before I actually have my own. I truly believe that it in this day and age where Internet gaming, Harry Potter and Dragonball Z are the ultimate influences of the "young and the always restless," you need to reach some level of maturity before you can have the patience to handle those little rascals.

In the ’90s, my sister Cecile had two cute and cuddly little boys – Nico and Carlo. Well, they were cute then. When they got older, they became Lennox Lewis and Mike Tyson. Man, they were always fighting! Well, I guess that’s how boys are. But geez, they just won’t quit! We always have to keep them apart. A vase breaks…my sister shouts, "Nico, what did you do?!" Nico answers, "Don’t look at me – it was Carlo!" Carlo replies, "Hey, don’t look at me! It was kuya!" And boom – it’s Round 1, folks! And this goes on every day – day in, day out.

These days, I have to deal with another pair of "heavyweight fighters" – the nephews of my wife who stay with us during the week. The older one, the massive, wrestler-looking, 88-pound-seven-year-old Mico – and the other – the cat-quick, lightning-fast, always pilyo, always scheming, policeman-bellied, three-year-old Marcus. Like Nico and Carlo, these two are always trying to rip each other apart, clawing and battling for every toy, every piece of food, or every computer game disc. And as constant as the Senate bickerings, a thing in my house will get broken and my wife would scream, "Mico, what did you do na naman?!!" And Mico would answer, "Don’t look at me, it was Marcus!" And Marcus would deny vehemently, "Hey, don’t look at me, it was kuya!!"

Sigh…..One’s thing for sure. If God does bless us with kids, I pray I don’t end up with two consecutive boys. They’re impossible, I tell you. Makes me appreciate my mom. She had five! (Plus two girls!) But don’t get me wrong, okay? I love these four boys dearly. They certainly make life more interesting. But sometimes, I just wonder how two people could come out of the same womb and be mortal enemies almost every day of their lives. Drives me nuts!

‘He Did It’

If you notice, one thing that these two pairs of "rugrats" have in common is their instinctive response to every accusation hurled at them – "Hey, don’t look at me, he did it!" No fail. The moment you raise something, there’s almost an automatic force that raises the hand of each kid with a finger pointing to the other.

While I find that somewhat amusing and, to a certain extent, cute, I find it tragic that most of us carry this "instinct," albeit, in a subtle way, when we move into the corporate world.

I’ve seen it all before. During tight situations, like when our company is facing a crisis, whenever the boss calls a meeting to "investigate" the matter, we often find ourselves trying desperately to wiggle out of the hot seat. And why not? We’re only human. We’re only doing something that is consistent with our human instinct of self-preservation. We fear that if somehow the crisis could be traced to something we failed to do or a screw up that we committed, we’ll be out of work. And so, the natural thing to do is to distract the boss, raise another issue, and make it appear that someone else is to blame.

Boss: So who came up with this press release that was not supposed to come out yet? Didn’t I tell you to keep this confidential?!!

Staff: Sir, I heard that there’s been a lot of unauthorized personnel coming here in the office. I bet a competitor was able to come in and fax the press release to our media friends. I say, let’s fire the security guard!

Ok, so maybe I am exaggerating. But admit it – it does happen, right? Sometimes you’re happily working, diligently doing your job and then all of a sudden an issue comes up and before you know it, you’re being held accountable for losing a multi-million dollar deal – or for the murder of John F. Kennedy. And you say, "Hey, wait a minute! I’m just a patsy!" Or sometimes there’s an exchange of e-mails within your company and you weren’t sent a copy. Then all of a sudden, when a meeting is called, everyone is looking at you like you were Jack the Ripper. And everyone points at you and shouts in unison, "Don’t look at us – he did it."

We sometimes call it the "crab mentality" of Pinoys. We always blame other people for our own miseries. But you know, sometimes, humility is the best policy. I really find it admirable when a person, confronted with a sticky situation which could have been anyone’s fault, stands up and says, "Well, I must admit, had I been more on the ball, we could have avoided this. I apologize. I’ll just make sure that the situation is controlled and I’ll handle the crisis management. "A person with this much courage is rare – and I would tip my hat to him.

Recently, we had an intern whom we hired in MTV. He was a very effective guy – a self-starter and very entrepreneurial. He did things on his own and didn’t need much supervision. But one time, there was a big boo-boo in a print ad we released. It’s a good thing that the newspaper was a friend of ours and they notified us of the mistake. Naturally, I wasn’t too happy with this and I confronted my staff. Our intern told me, "Rod, it’s my mistake, 100 percent. I should have proofread it more. I proofread it twice and didn’t see the mistake. I apologize. I will handle it and correct it." This intern of ours has since left us (he’s gone to the States for greener pastures). But to this day, I consider him the best intern we’ve ever had – only because he was man enough to accept responsibility and correct his mistake right away.

All of us are human. We all make mistakes. That’s a given. But it takes a superhuman character to accept fault and immediately rectify it. Most of us either shun away from responsibility or, if we admit fault, we don’t act on it right away. But let this be a challenge to all of you.

And if this article affected you positively and eventually gives you more courage to accept your faults – hey, don’t look at me – you have yourself to pat!

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Thanks for your e-mails – you may e-mail me at nepomucenor@mtv-asia.com.