Women power: Why 'Big Deal,' 'Atlas of the Heart' are great summer reads

MANILA, Philippines — Did you know that there are 87 emotions that make us human? Naming and exploring these different emotions is what Brené Brown’s book "Atlas of the Heart" is all about. 

Brené’s TED talk on “The Power of Vulnerability”  is one of the most viewed talks in the world, as she's also a #1 New York Times bestselling author. In this Atlas, she gives us the language to describe the breadth of human experience, and how having an accurate vocabulary gives us the power of understanding and moving forward with purpose.  

On average, people can only identify three emotions as they are feeling them: happiness, sadness, and anger.  Brené says this is not enough.  What is the difference between jealousy and envy?  Between compassion and sympathy? Anxiety and worry? 

Are we guilty or are we ashamed?  Are we angry or are we resentful? Knowing the nuances of each, as well as being honest and precise about what we are really feeling helps us move through them. It also helps us know ourselves better, and enhance our relationships.

These 87 emotions are organized into 13 experiences, each labeled as a destination such as: “Places We Go When We Compare,” “Places When the Heart is Open” or “Places We Go When we Feel Wronged”.

With candor and integrity, Brené tells us that her study of emotions are a product of her own “imperfect” life, if there ever was a perfect one. Growing up in a dysfunctional but high-performing family, she reveals that she is resentful, a recovered alcoholic, a committed swimmer, a former waitress, a perfectionist and prone to comparison, among other things. Most people, especially in her realm of popular celebrity will scramble to hide this. Yet her “weaknesses” have been the cornerstone of her work and her contribution to our shared humanity.  

The beautiful and hefty hardcover, striking enough to belong on  a coffee table, intersperses each emotion with art and graphics that bring the point home.  

Like an Atlas, it maps out our journey through the emotions we have and the language we use to express them. 

This book may be read cover to cover, but I find it most useful to refer to it as I’m wandering through its “places”. When I am feeling that I am entering a “Place We Go When We Compare”, I read through Comparison, Admiration, Reverence, Envy, Jealousy, and Resentment. 

In this same space, Brené introduces us to two German words:  Schadenfreude and Freudenfreude. Schadenfreude simply means "pleasure or joy derived from someone else’s suffering or misfortune.” And Freudenfreude is its opposite, “it’s the enjoyment of another’s success.”  If we are truly honest with ourselves, we have experienced both.

“If we want to find the way back to ourselves and one another, we need language, and the grounded confidence to both tell our stories and to be stewards of the stories that we hear.”

The only ingredient needed for this Atlas to help us find our way is the difficult task of honesty – with ourselves.  Denying what we are truly feeling in order to avoid the discomfort of facing it is actually denying ourselves the possibility of change and growth.

Are you brave enough to journey through your own heart? 

Why vulnerability is the new superpower

"Big Deal," "Atlas of the Heart’s" Asian baby sister, is an anthology of Filipina Millennial/GenZ essays, stories, poems, photographs, and paintings.  

The product of a 25-year-old friendship and authentic conversation between Yanna Garcia and Katya Lichauco, "Big Deal" is a collection of bravery and competence through words and original art. It is so titled because it was based on the hurtful experiences that young women have had to face – harassment, abuse, depression, self-harm, and violence, including rape. These topics have always been avoided and deemed inappropriate.  

Most of us have been taught to shrug them off, suffer in silence, and deceive ourselves by telling ourselves “it’s not that big of a deal.” "Big Deal" honors these stories and experiences—and tells its writers and readers that their stories matter.  That what they have suffered through IS a big deal.  

As a student at the Ateneo de Manila, Katya compiled a series of essays for her thesis, titled "One Woman." It is about Filipina womanhood. She struggled to find material for her work, as even in the Filipina Women’s section in the library were written from a Western perspective.

Her interest in the topic evolved into her current work as author and managing editor at bookshelf.ph, where she spearheads a series titled "Fearless Filipinas." Yanna, a graduate of Psychology and Sociology from Santa Clara University, works with Gang Badoy at Rock Ed, a volunteer group providing alternative education for underprivileged areas. She is also the Programs Director and a Peer Counselor for Project: Steady Asia, a mental health initiative on creative arts therapy for adults and teenagers. She is also one of the founders of Hallyu Wednesdays, which pioneers a fandom-based approach to mental wellness. 

Yanna and Katya take us through the lives and perspectives of  young women like them, but from many walks of life. We read about the discrimination against women who are still childless and unmarried by choice, as well as comments on girls’ appearances and bodies. We are told of the familiar weight of expectations, fitting into predefined roles, and being forced to live in someone else’s narrative. We hear about domestic abuse, sexual harassment, manipulation, and living with despair. Things heretofore left unsaid, sadly strangely familiar, and which resonate in a parallel way with the reader.  

Growing up in sheltered all-girls schools,  these experiences were not part of the conversation. It was only later on, navigating college and professional life, that sharing their experiences within the safe space of friendship led to the awareness that a vocabulary existed for these. And that they, like many others, were not alone in their experience. They decided that it was time to spark conversations about  women’s issues and mental health.

Katya said,  “We wanted to give the contributors a safe space, to help unburden them through writing  and art therapy, while assuring them that they would take care of their individual stories. It wasn’t hard to find people --  it seemed like every woman had a story to share.  We reached out to artists, writers, even if they don’t call themselves such --  anyone willing to participate in this project, and it grew organically.”

Yanna said, “We want these pieces to come from a place of love --  to  share and read difficult stories but from the perspective of wanting to learn more and not feel alone.  We wanted to address sensitive subjects – through carefully selected stories,  not to bash or accuse, but to witness, to  heal and to help. The sad reality is that most women if not all can relate in some way – corporate stories, tinder stories, harassment stories --  even if the details are different, the feeling is the same – in a way, they spoke for me, at a time when I didn’t have the words.”

Now this new generation of Filipinas are empowered by a vocabulary and an openness that previous generations struggled to find. Knowing that this experience has a name – and finding the courage to tell  their stories --  empowers and allows them to reclaim their narratives -- turning pain into power.  

How was the book received, especially by an  insular and often judgmental Philippine audience?

Katya said, “A lot comes from ignorance, because the language doesn’t -- or didn’t -- exist for them. But Big Deal has received a warm welcome.  Parents who read our book know how to start conversations with their daughters, or their sons.  Men who read it have had  a realization of what women experience, and many didn’t realize how they may contribute to that or take it for granted.” 

Yanna said, “We subscribe to this culture of silence --  but we believe there is a way to speak your mind without being disrespectful.  It may be hurtful, but truth can be painful. Sadly, in our society,  the victim usually carries the shame – she is blamed for her own victimhood --  abuse, sexual harassment, even rape.  Especially rape.”  

This should change, both women emphasized, “The stories were shared in a safe way --  protecting both the storyteller and being mindful of the privacy of the characters in the stories --  but daring to venture on untrodden ground. We constantly asked ourselves -- how far can we push without pushing too far?”  

Their parents initially feared that putting their names out there in the form of Big Deal would have unforeseen repercussions that both Yanna and Katya may not have been prepared for.  But both were insistent in their sense of mission.  Yanna says, “We come from a protected place so we should be louder than other people Really -- the only time you can be brave is when you’re scared. These women were brave and trusted us with their stories.  We believe this is a cause worth championing. We must be louder; not just about women’s rights and the message that Big Deal stands for, but also with regards to where we stand politically. This culture of silence also applies here - sometimes, we are too afraid to speak, but we need to be braver. We must, especially come elections in May.  ”

Katya said, ”In some cases, people  know both the victim and the abuser  --  so people are hesitant to ‘be involved’. [But we believe that when faced with an injustice,] there’s a special place in hell for neutral people --  we’re not okay being neutral about these issues . Not saying anything is a stance. And the only way we can take this beyond women’s Month is to elect leaders that care about the well-being of women and children.  [Leaders we can get behind to slowly change the toxic environment that allows these situations to exist.]”

Yanna and Katya both believe that this upcoming national election is so crucial. “We have the chance to bring forth concrete change and elect a government that values everything that women can bring to the table. It is our hope that having representation through leaders who support women’s rights, there will be a ripple effect on the rest of our culture and society." 

“Being vulnerable is hard. That’s why it’s brave.”

"Big Deal" is the first volume in a series. Future volumes will tell the stories of  women in other age groups.

"Atlas of the Heart" is available in Fully Booked. Meanwhile, "Big Deal" is available as an e-book and softcover on bookshelf.ph. It will be coming soon as an audiobook. The proceeds from "Big Deal’s" first print was donated to CRIBS Foundation, a residential facility for abandoned or surrendered babies, as well as sexually abused young girls in Manila. The succeeding proceeds will be donated to other various charity organizations.