Book review: Finding happiness after divorce

MANILA, Philippines — Since divorce has been a hot topic on the news these days, it is refreshing to read a book written by a divorcee on how to live an empowered life after separation.

“Time Hangs by a Thread,” written by Maruja Moragas and translated into English for the Filipino audience by Dr. Avic Caparas, is a memoir that begins with a cancer diagnosis. Moragas insists that physical pain is a load much easier to bear than the pain of divorce. She uses her struggle with cancer as a way to frame the past (and more devastating) crisis of her husband leaving her for his career.

Complete opposite

The beginnings of her family, the circumstances that brought her husband to leave her, the struggle to get back on her feet after the divorce, and the task of raising three boys into responsible young men all by herself, weave a story that opens the door into the mind of the author and helps readers to understand the reasons for the choices she made in her life. This part is crucial because she did the complete opposite of what is expected of divorced women in western countries — even with divorce papers in her hands, she continued to honor her marriage in the Church, which she believes is not breakable by any piece of legislation.

Moragas received her share of criticism for the way of life she chose: Why she did not try to move on, find a new husband, live happily ever after? 

With good motives, some of her family and friends who did not understand, tried to set her up with single or divorced men, hoping for a spark. Some men, knowing she was divorced, tried to invite her on a date. But Moragas knew what she must do: She continued to live as a married woman, adamant in her decision that even if her husband would not be true to his vows, she would be.

A reminder

Times have changed; people seek pleasure and run away from pain, as if all pain is a terrible thing. This book grounds us by being a reminder that pain and sorrow can be good for us, too. They build us up to become stronger individuals, men and women who can face difficulties with courage. 

After reading this book, one realizes that divorce is an easy way out of pain. Instead of helping one another and coming out better for it, husbands and wives find in divorce an escape button: press it and out you go, away from possible humiliation and also possible opportunities for growth.

At the throes of her illness, Moragas examines the life she had led after deciding to honor the marriage that her husband had left cold at her feet. Three grown sons, all successful; two are married, one studying to be a doctor; a grandchild on the way. They are grateful for never having to introduce to anyone a probable "mom's boyfriend," and for having the chance to proudly say "our mother stayed." 

Moragas herself is grateful for a simpler life: no second marriages, second families, second in-laws, second homes. She found for her sons father figures in their maternal and paternal grandfathers. She kept her family ties strong with her parents-in-law who continued to love their family despite the rift with her husband.

Offering another way

The book does not condemn people who are divorced; rather, it offers another way of living that leads to happiness. Everyone wants to be happy — that is perhaps why divorce looks attractive: it gives people license to run away from one relationship and get into another one. But Moragas' way has kept her family together despite the divorce. 

By standing up for the truth of her marriage, she avoided the mess of seeking happiness in the wrong places. Instead, her convictions led her to bank her happiness on what could really be a source of joy: her sons, her parents, her in-laws, her closest friends, her faith, and fulfilling her call in life.

As close as a “How to Be Happy After Divorce” as a memoir could get, the book does not assume one lands into a crisis of similar scope unarmed; Moragas takes her time recalling family stories and happy memories (family members she looked up to, childhood summers spent away from the city, a love for music, bike rides and boat rides with her husband...) because she asserts that these are the ones that help a person to survive. 

"Pabaon" can be our Filipino term for it: something true, good, and beautiful from which to draw when things go from bad to worse. The lesson is that times of crisis come, but people are never really unequipped to face them.

Points of wisdom

Let this book add some points of wisdom to the divorce debates currently trending. What makes it relevant is that it is offering a different point of view — one from a woman who has gone through all the stomach churning loops of divorce's roller coaster ride and survived. 

What she did was simply stand up for the truth: that her marriage is valid, unbroken by a civic document. “Time Hangs by a Thread” is a reminder that the truth will always be empowering, and more effective than any license or law. 

“Time Hangs by a Thread” is available in all Fully Booked outlets nationwide.