The artful uses of a tarpaulin

Weeks, even months after the election of found objects, there will still be use for a tarpaulin rescued from the debris of the Maytime polls. Some may try to stretch it and perhaps bounce up and down on it, but that would make it a trampoline, which general material it is not suited for. On the other hand, the tarpaulin is a prized possession, especially for people with pushcarts, who either earn a living buying newspapers and bottles and scrap metal, or else live outright in the cart, in which case the tarp serves as handy shield against the elements, both driving rain and dizzying sun.

One can only imagine the bonanza tarp collectors had after the elections, restocking and hoarding after preparation for the monsoon months. It’s true that hanging a tarpaulin indiscriminately on a fence already festooned with buntings and other campaign posters, would invite random passersby to unhook the tarp in order to stash it away for future, more productive use.

So the wide and wholesome and concerned smile will be tucked away folded in the shadows for a time, or else resurface as a curtain or partition in a barong-barong staring at the elements and traffic, the candidate’s smile intact.

Others equally resourceful may use the tarpaulin as a welcome banner in their home or abode, particularly if the candidate’s number on the ballot is the same as the house’s number, a kind of mutual advertorial.

A tarpaulin, if made of sturdy material, can be used as a streamer to be tied on an upper floor window sill, and from which a daredevil or hobbyist can rappel down to ground level, perhaps wearing a Spider-Man costume to further amuse onlookers and promenaders.

Tarps could also be found on the sides of trucks, behind buses, on the roofs of pedicabs. But after the democratic exercise, they could still serve their purpose as conversation piece or election souvenir, the candidate’s demeanor admittedly somewhat faded, the city’s grime altering the face’s complexion. The Philippines makes history with the election of the first black tarpaulin!

While flyers can literally fly by being made into paper airplanes, tarpaulins can have more utilitarian purposes, regardless of the political inclinations of the candidate.

Offhand it can serve, piecemeal, as an air vent cover when one cannot afford an air-conditioner, keeping the wind and mosquitoes out and the room bearably silent. During the monsoon, however, this air vent cover should be reinforced with proper cardboard or correctly sized illustration board, maybe even newspaper to soak up puddles of rain.

Or else, cut up into pieces, the tarp can be used as lining for the cat’s litter box, under the newspapers and sand. A regular sized tarp, for example, can be good for around three or four changes of the litter. This subtle change could also give the cat occasion to reflect, maybe even have a favorable effect on its toilet habits.

For those wanting to experiment with kinky sex, try unfolding the tarp like a bedspread, on which forbidden pleasures can immediately follow, with the candidate’s face as witness to the proceedings and acrobatic positions.

Notice then how the expression changes through the varied grunts and groans and otherworldly sounds emanating from the sexual congress, aside from the creaking of the bed and the friction of skin on tarp, and how the room turns absolutely purple with horns blaring at the point of climax.

Or maybe the tarpaulin can simply be hung above the bed, as a kind of cheerleading memento à la psychological Viagra. Mind over matter can give the gift of levitation.

For the more conventional, the tarp can be used as tablecloth or cover for turo-turo counters, the better to wipe any spilled coffee or vinegar off the plastic which has a distinct factory smell that can in fact whet the appetite. The plate can be positioned right on the candidate’s face, the matching shapes better than any placemat.

It can also be used as shower curtain for a narrow shower stall, say, in the hot springs in Los Baños, where the gathering steam and droplets of sweat approximate the candidate’s expression during the automated counting and transmission of votes.

In the barrios the tarps are recycled into partitions or dividers in homes, between the sala and the dining room, or between the dining room and the kitchen.

Among fishermen the ample material can come in handy when covering the buckets of newly caught fish at dawn, while the bañeras are being transported from port to marketplace. It helps keep out the flies and other insects, and preserve the cold of the ice during transit.

For the vagabonds and homeless, aside from serving as a portable sleeping mat on the sidewalk the tarp can, when things get rougher, become a shawl or jacket to wrap around oneself in the chill of the night.

For farmers it can be used as a roadside mat on which to spread the palay or coffee beans to dry under the sun.

As for pedicab drivers, the tarp is a well-designed plastic protection from rain, as well gives the driver some privacy during lax hours when he or she chooses to nap in the cab.

In the election of found objects, the tarpaulin is a most reusable post-campaign material.