A closer look at bullying

It is important to listen and learn to be accepting of the bullying victim. Reassure the victim that you are on her side. If it is your child who has been bullied, inform her of your plan to go to school authorities to work on a plan to make the school a safer place for her.

Bullying is the act of intimidating, harassing or dominating another person who is perceived by the bully as somebody weaker. It can be seen among children, adolescents and even in adults in communities and schools. 

When my son was in kindergarten in a Quezon City Catholic school, he came home on two occasions with his white polo shirt dirtied with mud. He was apparently being bullied by a taller classmate who pushed him around. I told my son that he should not be afraid of this classmate and to report immediately to his teacher each time intimidation starts. I stressed to my son that he should not resort to violence like hitting back because physical aggression is not only prohibited in school, is not an acceptable behavior and will further aggravate the situation. To increase his self-confidence so that the bigger classmate will stop harassing him, I decided to enroll him in an arnis class where he learned the principles and discipline of self-defense. I, of course, reported the two incidents to the school authorities to make them aware of the bullying. I praised my son for his continued good behavior in school and for his outstanding academic performance, which even gave him the chance to experience being a peer teacher. Encouraging the development of leadership skills helped increase my son’s self-confidence.

In my clinical practice, there are now more cases of children and adolescents being referred for evaluation and therapy. A recent case is that of a nine-year-old boy, a special child diagnosed with a pervasive developmental disorder. He was allegedly being bullied by classmates. After two incidents of hitting his classmates, the school decided to expel him for the safety of the other students. It is unfortunate though that the fact of his being a bullying victim was not taken into consideration when the school decided on his expulsion.

This boy’s already poor self-esteem because of his mental disorder was further shattered by his expulsion. I stressed to the mother that the impulsive violent outbursts in this child due to his mental disorder precipitated by bullying can be controlled with medication. He is now in another school with a smaller teacher-pupil ratio and so far, there has been no report of aggressive behavior.

Another case is that of a nine-year-old girl who was referred to me for anger management. To help her cope, she was transferred to another school. She claimed that she was repeatedly being shamed by a male classmate, which in her perception was an attempt to put her down because she was a better student than him. When the bullying became too overwhelming for her, she decided to “fight back” by posting on her blog a photo of this male classmate, which she altered by adding a ribbon on his head. This posting was printed out by another classmate and unfortunately was seen by a teacher before she decided to delete the altered photo. Unfortunately, again, like in the first case I cited, the school immediately made a decision without even calling in the parents and without investigating further the events in school.

The school decided to give this girl, who was initially a bullying victim, a failing mark for conduct for one episode of cyber bullying brought to the school administration’s attention by the teacher and not by the male classmate. This decision caused this girl to lose her honor standing in class. She had been at the top of her class at the onset of her schooling and because of this incident, the parents decided to pull her out of this school.

In these two cases of bullying by classmates in two co-ed elementary schools, the resulting aggressive behavior by bullying Victim 1 and the cyber bullying by bullying Victim 2 were immediately acted upon by the school authorities for the safety of their students but the injustice done to these two victims by the initial perpetrators of bullying remain unpunished and continue to cause harm to their shattered ego. What is clear in these two cases is that fighting back is not the solution to bullying and there are less aggressive outbursts in the smaller pupil-teacher ratio classroom setting.

How often does bullying happen?

Based on statistics of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, “close to half of all children will experience school bullying at some point while they are at primary or secondary school.” At least 10 percent of children are bullied regularly.

Online GMA News in 2011 reported that Plan Philippines conducted an initial baseline study on violence against children (VAC) in public schools entitled “Toward a Child-Friendly Education Environment.” The subjects included 2,442 children from 58 public schools in Masbate, Northern Samar and the Camotes Islands in Cebu; as well as parents and other community representatives, school personnel and guidance counselors. This study showed the following:

1. At least five out of 10 children in Grades 1-3, seven out of 10 in Grades 4-6 and six out of 10 in high school have experienced some kind of violence in school.

2. Verbal abuse is the most prevalent form of violence experienced by children in all school levels. This includes being ridiculed and teased, being shouted at and being cursed or spoken to with harsh words.

3. Children’s peers, more than the adults, are the perpetrators of violence in schools.

4. Male children are more likely to experience physical violence than females.

5. Physical and verbal forms of violence are accepted by the children as part of discipline and seen as appropriate when inflicted within certain parameters.

6. Children generally prefer a more positive form of discipline such as being talked to and corrected or guided/counseled in response to offenses or violations made in school.

7. Experiences of violence usually result in low self-esteem, fear, anger and helplessness among children.

8. Family background and personal circumstances, influence of peers and media, lack of awareness about children’s rights, fear, inability of authority figures to respond to cases and lack of policies are some of the factors cited as contributing to incidences of violence in schools.

9. Children and adults recommend awareness raising and capacity building activities for parents, teachers and children, clear policies, and collaborative measures that involve all stakeholders including community leaders as measures to address VAC in schools.

What are the effects of bullying?

Bullying may damage one’s self-image, can lead to absenteeism, chronic depression, decline in functioning and even in suicide. What is alarming is when children and even adults being bullied in social networks end up taking their own lives.

Bullying can even be done by SMS as what my two sisters and I had experienced, which caused so much distress in one of my sisters who subsequently developed a heart attack. My sister had to be placed in the Intensive Care Unit for this. I told her to change her SIM card to prevent further emotional distress.

Who is the bully?

A study conducted by The Center for Adolescent Studies at Indiana University compared bullying children and non-bullying children on their home environment and personal behaviors. Here are the important findings about bullies:

1. They watch more violent TV shows at home.

2. They misbehave at home more frequently.

3. They spend less time with adults at home. 

4. At home, when they are disciplined, they face more forceful parental discipline.

5. Bullies have fewer positive adult role models. 

6. Likewise, bullies have fewer positive peer influences. 

7. Bullies also get into more fights.        

This study also identified children who were “high-scale bullies” based on behaviors such as hitting, hurting and humiliating other children. Following observations resulted from the analysis of the family and social environment of high-scale bullies indicated that:

1. 36 percent of them came from single-parent homes.

2. Another 32 percent had step-parents.

3. They had easier access to guns.

4. They had more exposure to gang activities.  

What are the signs that a person

is being bullied?

1. Social isolation or withdrawal.

2. Feeling sad.

3. Anticipatory fear/anxiety of returning to the place where bullying has occurred.

4. Decline in previous level of functioning.

5. Low self-regard.

6. Bruises, abrasions and other marks.

How can we help a bullying victim?

It is important to listen and learn to be accepting of the bullying victim. Reassure the victim that you are on his/her side. If it is your child who has been bullied, inform him/her of your plan to go to school authorities to work on a plan to make the school a safer place for him/her. Assigning a school buddy for your child may be an option to lessen the chances of being bullied again. Having a teacher-mentor provides a “secure base” where the child can return to in times of distress or intimidation. Being always within the company of true friends also lessens the opportunity of the bully to pick on the victim.

Of course the child bully also needs to be helped by a professional because the circle of violence needs to be stopped in order to prevent him/her from evolving into a future juvenile delinquent and an adult sociopath. 

(For questions on love, looks and relationships, e-mail me at nina.halilijao@gmail.com.)