'There's really no right or wrong way to mourn'
I was not privileged to have known President Corazon Aquino on a personal basis but my respect and admiration for her increased after the 1990 earthquake that devastated Baguio, Nueva Ecija and Pangasinan when she saw the wisdom of creating a team of psychiatrists and psychologists to help in the psychosocial rehabilitation of the earthquake survivors. I was tasked as the coordinator for Cabanatuan, Nueva Ecija and our team rendered service to this area with funds provided for by Malacañang and also partly by the ABS-CBN Foundation for one year.
In my Cabanatuan experience, I had seen individual disaster survivors cope and mourn for their departed loved ones who died during the earthquake. With the demise of our “icon for democracy,” I wonder how long and through what means the Filipino nation will mourn for President Cory. How will Pinoys cope and grieve with this great loss. This is history in the making and we are indeed lucky to be part of it.
A few days prior to the demise of President Cory, there were already text messages circulating to tie yellow ribbons in car antennas as a tribute to her. I received such a text message from Lorna Baloy, a co-Theresian alumna. When President Aquino died, the outpouring of condolences for the Aquino family had indeed been overwhelming. Even Pope Benedict XVI at the Vatican was praying for President Cory.
President Cory’s death had indeed rekindled the Pinoy’s nationalism and right there and then had brought about a spontaneous people power kind of funeral march. Pinoys from all walks of life just had to participate in their own little way in paying last respects for their deceased leader. Media had documented old and young people, rich and poor, lining the streets with placards, flags, yellow ribbons, almost all clad in yellow, waiting patiently just to catch a glimpse of this historic funeral. Some opted to join the funeral march to her place of final rest despite the rains and long walk. Those who could not be there physically were glued to their radios and television sets from start to finish. Pinoy mourners sacrificed standing or walking in the rain for hours. This really was unbelievable! There was just a need for them to be bodily present there. This was the start of the nation’s mourning process.
Losing a loved leader is very painful. After this significant loss, all of us most likely experienced all kinds of difficult and overwhelming emotions, such as sadness, shock, anger, and guilt. I felt guilty and sad having been unable to line up at La Salle Greenhills for President Cory’s wake since I then had flu-like symptoms. For the Aquino family, those particularly close to President Cory and even a simple “Juan dela Cruz,” they may all similarly feel like the sadness will never go away. Why? Because great leaders like President Cory are rare nowadays in this world of corruption. I would like to stress that yes, these feelings can be quite frightening and overwhelming but remember they are normal reactions to a great loss. Keep in mind that accepting these feelings as part of the mourning process and allowing ourselves to feel what we feel is necessary for healing.
There is really no right or wrong way to grieve or mourn — but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. All of us can get through this process. We need to grieve and mourn individually and as a nation in order to heal and enrich our lives.
Mourning is said to be a personal and highly individual experience. How we grieve depends on many factors, including our character and coping style, our life experiences, our religiosity, and the nature of the loss. The mourning process takes time. Healing occurs gradually; it can never be forced or hurried. There is no actual “normal” timetable for mourning. Some people may say that they feel better in weeks or months. The grieving time usually lasts for a year but it actually may differ from person to person. For some, the mourning process can even be measured in years.
It is not true that the emotional pain of a grieving person will go away a lot faster if one ignores it. We need to face this grief and actively deal with it. One way is by keeping the fire of nationalism, which President Cory’s death rekindled in us. We do not need to pretend that we are strong in the face of the loss of our icon and mother of democracy and truth. We need to express our feelings of sadness since what we are feeling is indeed a normal reaction. Remember, crying is definitely not a sign of weakness. It is in fact a normal response to sadness.
Farewell to the Great Lady in Yellow!
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A fundraising dinner titled “June in September” will take place on Sept. 1 at the Forbes Pavilion, Forbes Park, Makati. Proceeds from the affair will go to the chemo treatment of cancer patients. Call 554-8470 for details.
(For questions on love, looks and relationships, please e-mail me at nina.halilijao@gmail.com or send your letters to Rm. 508 Richmonde Plaza, Lourdes Street cor. San Miguel Avenue, Pasig City.)
