Proud and perfect

I have scars in my legs that have remained my trademark. I am not bothered by them even if sometimes my friends tease me that my legs are like “alkansya” because of coin-shaped marks all over them. When I wake up in the morning, even if the sun is already up, I still see stars in my legs. I have become enamored with treating those permanent marks like crowns of my own humanity.

Those scars remind me every day of the many challenges I encountered when I was growing up. Each scar has its own story to tell. I could have chosen to view them as my ultimate source of insecurity and could have applied remedy by dermabrasion. But it is in that imperfection that I found the perfect moment to embrace who I am, and what I am made of. My scars are not the summation of me. I can even saunter happily under the sun, meander in the beach in my swimming trunks and still feel perfect with my polka-dotted legs. If others are bothered by that, that’s not my problem anymore. I have the vision to see the good in me and the good in others. I am happy that way. Period.

Finding real bliss amidst imperfection is highlighted in When I Look in the Mirror, the first portraits book by ace lady photographer Sara Black which she did in partnership with Dove. In the pages of this tome can be found the beautiful photographs and stories of 46 women who have facial features that are not perfect according to the beauty barometer of others. These unique facial features include crooked teeth, gap in between teeth, huge moles, a spray and sprig of freckles, criss-crossing scars, bulging forehead, dark skin, curly hair, big ears and birth marks.

Instead of hiding those imperfections, these women — Aimee Marcos, Ana Pulido, Andrea de Guzman, Arriane Marzan, Becca Rodriguez, Bianca Salonga, Camille Pilar, Caroline Rüeggs, Charette Regala, Cris Villonco, Dindi de Leon, Erich Gonzales, Erica Paredes, Fely Chingcuanco, Gina Choy, Gina Flores, Giselle Ordoñez, Guada Reyes, Ina Vergel de Dios, Jeane Percullo, Jinky Gallago, Jo Bautista, Joanne Consunji, Johanna Garcia, Karen Vizcarra, Karla Vizcarra, Kate Torralba, Kaye de Guzman, KC Nina Pusing, Lexi Schulze, Lindsay Ang, Maan Hontiveros, Marga Valdes, Mia Fuentes, Marilen Faustino-Montenegro, Nicole Limos, Nicole Mercado, Nita Hontiveros-Lichauco, Olive Hernandez, Presh Ng, Rachel Kairuz, Timi Gomez, Tina Geronimo, Tippi Ocampo and Wilma Doesn’t — flaunt them with style, with confidence. They have embraced and celebrated their imperfections. And with this acceptance comes real joy — the kind that is not dictated upon by the norms of others but by the standards of one self. After all, real beauty is felt by the person herself. Whatever compliments she gets from others are just a reflection of how she really feels inside.

“There’s beauty in everything. It’s all just a matter of perspective. Imperfections to me are both enigmatic and alluring. Whether you are born with it or it was a matter of happenstance, facial imperfections serve as markers, perhaps even milestones, to a life lived... And it couldn’t be in a more apparent place, so close to you that when you look in the mirror there it is, a reminder, a keepsake, or if it’s far in your past, a whisper,” Sara wrote in the Afterword of her book.

I agree with Sara completely. When I look in the mirror I see laugh lines, not wrinkles. Those lines remind me, too, of how much joy I have received and how much happiness I have put in the lives of others.

Embracing imperfection is like finding your strength, finding the opportunities in your adversities. It is never fearing to fail because by doing so makes it hard for you to succeed.

Men and women will never find the secret fountain of youth not because it is tightly hidden but because there’s no such thing. No matter how much we search, all our efforts will go in vain. That’s life. And because it is life, it follows a natural order — birth, then death. According to an author, in between life and death is a long dash. Yes — a long dash. And what matters most is how you fill in the long dash of life.

Will that dash include remorse for having imperfect legs, an imperfect face, an imperfect day? Or will that dash include happy memories of acceptance of everything imperfect in this world?

I refuse to be eaten alive by regrets and resentments. Instead of feeling the blues when it rains, I always find the moment to be happy by watching a hesitant raindrop wending its way down a windowpane.

All of us are flawed. And that’s perfectly okay.

(Thank you for your letters. For your new beginnings, please e-mail me at bumbaki@yahoo.com or my.new.beginnings@gmail.com. You may also snail mail me at The Philippine Star, c/o Allure Section, R. Oca Jr. corner Railroad Streets, Port Area, Manila. Have a blessed Sunday!)