Change the holiday patterns

It’s here... the holiday season making itself felt: gift and party planning, traffic, shopping. Between the worry of bingeing and toxic overindulging eating/drinking patterns, and the expenses of the holiday gift list, we move into automatic pilot as we meet Christmas head-on. We find ourselves falling back into old patterns of behavior in the “Christmas trap” of giving obligatory gifts that reflect our status and relationships in life, parties to attend, being nice and generous lest you be called a grouch. Then a part of us begins to feel resentment arise; others feel a deep depression — as a sense of indifference masks the aloneness within.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Somewhere between avoiding the stress of the period, the feelings of alienation and isolation (especially for those with no families who feel alone) are a middle path that one can take. On this path is mindfulness and awareness to try to appreciate the holiday season by breaking old behavioral patterns and replacing these with new ones.

Break old patterns. Create new rituals and all that come with it. You may not need another new Christmas or New Year dress, not need that extra heaping of ham or lechon, or even need to send off that recycled gift to a person you don’t particularly like. Add a new twist to the usual traditional Noche Buena or any holiday party by bringing in untraditional food. Move the party outside, sit on the floor, create a theme, add a wish tree then discuss all your wishes for the coming year after dinner. Just do something different. If you are feeling alone, you may even go off on a retreat to join a spiritual community. What is essential is that a sense of “family” or “community” is strengthened, and not just the fulfillment of a social or family obligation. Likewise, this sense of community is extended to include the “spiritual” community one can connect to.

Shift the emphasis. The season is to remember the spirit of life. For Christians, it is the coming of the Man-God who embodied the perfection of Love. Jesus is born to root the spirit of Christ in the world... to give testament to the higher worlds and the purified state of the soul. For the non-Christians, the season is a reminder of the Winter Solstice, the longest night of the earth. This is a time when people move into inner reflection to think about the year that was and the potential of the year that can be. You may want to infuse the holidays with thoughtfulness and a connection to the natural world. It is about reconnecting to a rhythm that’s not about society or culture, rather, a connection to the Earth and experiencing the meaning of “being” a human being. The emphasis of both is the awakening of the inner spirit and not the celebration of the outside materialism. Perhaps this holiday period, we can be mindful to shift the emphasis to focus on an intention such as developing the inner meaning from the outer experiences of holiday celebrations.

Rethink generosity and choose wisely. Gift giving is a must, as the social dictum states. But try to add a deeper experience for yourself as you watch your ego when you give gifts. Generosity can also be a trap when we give for show. More than just giving material gifts, rethink the true essence of generosity — also giving your time, talents and energies that are empathic, compassionate and understanding. Consider gifts of social value that help foundations and charities. Choose the people you really want to give gifts to. Choose the parties you will attend. Be doubly aware of the choices you make. Let go of the “shoulds” and see if you can figure out what truly makes you happy. If you want to host a dinner, ask yourself why. When you have to buy this overly expensive gift for your loved one, ask yourself why does it have to be that expensive? When you send off a check to charity because a social event or group requests for it, ask yourself why you are doing it. Once you know your motives, you can make choices from the soul level and will feel at peace with yourself.

Slow the pace. Embrace the sights, sounds, tastes, experiences that the holiday season brings without the harried, harassed energies. Things are as they are because they are such. If you are caught in traffic, then let it be. If you bought the wrong gift, then you can always delay the giving and find the replacement. If planning the menu for the party is too stressful, look to a good caterer. Breathe in and experience the depths of the moments and make sure you take time off for yourself no matter how hectic the pace may get. Take a step back and force yourself to slow down. This will allow for a richer and deeper experience of the season.