From a distance

To My Dearest Baba,

It could have been better if you were here. Mount Bromo, at the crack of dawn, was simply surreal. The smell of sulfur permeated the air because active volcanoes surrounded the area. At once I felt one of them was going to erupt because viscous fumes billowed from its mouth. The cloud of smoke that the volcano emitted resembled a giant phantom that nonchalantly danced in midair.

I closed my eyes and played again on my mind our recent trip to Palau in Micronesia where we happily danced sans the music in our suite at the Palau Pacific Resort as we shared many other moments of bliss. You could have been with me on this trip to Surabaya, the capital of East Java in Indonesia. Only, you have to carve your future far away from home, far away from me. But as we said before we parted ways, neither time nor distance could separate us. I will hold on to that pact until I see you home again.

When you left for Jeddah almost a month ago to fulfill your two-year contract as a nurse in one of the hospitals there, Manila was drenched in rain. And I was drenched in tears. What’s with goodbye that makes people cry? Somehow, however, I was consoled when you said, albeit with the cracking sound of your voice, that you would always remember me with fond memories.

Believe me when I say that I will never take it against you for leaving the Philippines, thereby leaving me and our dreams, because that is one opportunity that neither I nor the country can give you. Life in the Philippines seems to become harder and harder each day, what with the uncertainties in the political landscape that gives our economy a dreadful roller-coaster ride. It’s enough for me to know that if you had the opportunity to better your career in Manila, you could have not thought of working abroad.

It is not wrong to think of one’s self, Baba. You’re young. You have your dreams. Thank you for making me a part of your dreams. I have to tell you, however, that no matter what, I am not yet ready to leave our country. This is not because I am afraid to get out of my comfort zone but because I still believe that there’s still future for this country. And I know I’ll make it here. Not there. But here.

I am not saying that there will come a time that the more than 7.5 million overseas Filipino workers will come back to the Philippines to have a good paying job in their native land. I’m just trying to point out that I am still optimistic that the system will work somehow, someday. Call me foolish for this wishful thinking but I still dream for the dawning of a new day for our country. I know it would take a great miracle for this to happen. Nevertheless, I believe in miracles the way we believe that we will survive and salvage our relationship despite the distance.

Two years from now, you told me on the phone the other day, you would be further carving your future in London. I admire you for your will to better your life. Two years from now, you asked me, that I should also be there; that I should follow wherever you are. I am afraid I cannot follow you. Not today. Not in the distant future. Not yet.

I may not earn as much as you do but I am very happy with where I am now, with what I do, with what I have. Not being able to follow you does not mean I love you less. It’s just that we are left with options of whether to go or to stay. I have always chosen to stay. I will save money so I can visit you once a year. And thank you for promising me that you, too, will take time off from wherever part of the world you are in to visit me even for a short period of time.

I will not complain if we continue this affair albeit long distance. My friend Luis told me that more than 90 percent of across-the-miles-relationships do not last. It is up to us if we want to be part of that statistics. A long-distance affair lasts because partners choose for it to survive. If the time comes, however, that you want to let go of our rekindled relationship because of someone else who’s more than willing to jump off the ship to be where you are, please let me know. I will never take it against you. Only those who truly love can give true freedom.

Meanwhile, let us content ourselves in loving each other from a distance. After all, distance is not a deterrent between us. Why would it be when love gives wings to the desires of our hearts?

Please take care of yourself. I may not be physically present to put toothpaste in your toothbrush every single day or comb your hair before we both go to sleep but always remember that my love for you is far bigger than what you think.

I will go to bed now. I will see you in my dreams.

Sincerely,

Your Baba

(For your new beginnings, please e-mail me at bumbaki@yahoo.com. You may also snail mail me at R. Oca Jr. corner Railroad Streets, Port Area, Manila.)