Forbidden Love
August 16, 2004 | 12:00am
Dear Dr. Nina,
First of all, please bear with me for my story is a bit long. I am an engineer who has been working outside the Philippines for several years now. While I enjoy the benefits of my job, I am always alone and lonely. One late morning while in the office not doing much, I went into one of the chat websites and I met a guy who was thousands of miles away. He is a black American named Josh. I never thought that I would fall in love with a person that I had never seen before. He was very sweet and smart and I enjoyed his company. A year passed and our "online relationship" went sour. I helped him a lot financially before, but I noticed that when I stopped helping him, he became rude to me and his behavior changed. It was very painful and I felt he was using me, but I loved him too much to let him go, we continued with our "virtual relationship" but it was already on and off because we had too many differences and we clashed all the time.
One Saturday night, I was praying intensely and I asked God to give me a sign that He wanted this guy to be with me. I said if I could see a black guy the next day, which is very rare to see in the country where I am now, then His answer is yes. I fell asleep with tears in my eyes. The next morning, I felt light and relieved that finally I would let go and I let God’s will make my destiny. I went to church that day.
To my big surprise, the priest who celebrated the Mass was a black guy and I suddenly remembered my prayers. I felt overjoyed and elated that after the Mass I went to see him and asked for his blessings, which I do not normally do. I did not know that instance would change my life forever. To make it short, the priest and I became close, and he became my best friend and confidante. I must admit that I enjoyed talking to him and we called each other every day. One Friday, I called him and I told him that I was not working that day and the following day, he asked me if he could come to my apartment and just spend the day with me. We met in front of the church, and we spent the whole day in my place. We cooked, we watched video tapes, we played video games, we talked and we laughed and I was very happy. While playing video games, we went physical over excitement every time one defeated the other one, and he bent down to kiss me on my forehead when I won the round. I felt something very strange envelop my whole being at that moment. I knew he did not mean any harm. He is already a Reverend Father, and he is one year younger than me. With him, I completely forgot about Josh.
He was very nice, and we enjoyed that day. Our feelings for each other were very strong and very frightening. I saw the tears rolling down his cheeks and I cried so hard when he held me in his arms. I felt like heaven and hell struck us at that moment. When he left, I felt a great deal of guilt on how on earth could I disrespect a man of God . I barely slept that night. It was a battle between right and wrong, right because I knew I finally found the person and wrong because he is a priest. We did not talk for many days after that.
After a week, I decided to call him to apologize for what happened, but his number was busy. I was using my landline and I heard my mobile phone ringing and when I picked it up, it was a missed call and it was his number. We did not call each other back. One morning, I decided to go out and take some photographs of some nice spots here in this country and while walking towards the gate of my apartment, I saw him waiting for me. He said he was not the same man after what happened to us before. We kissed each other and for the first time in my life, I did not think that it was wrong. However, we did not cross the boundary, although we knew we already violated his sacred vows.
I am very confused now, and I do not know what to do. He said he felt very guilty and almost could not face the altar every time he officiated at Mass, but at the same time he felt a joy in his heart that he never felt before. I feel the same way. Please help me, I am in a total mess now.
Lady Engineer
Dear Lady Engineer,
You’re right in letting Josh go since he is definitely just after the financial assistance you were handing over to him. Yes, you really have messed up your love life by falling in love with a man who has vowed a life of celibacy. Yes, yours is a forbidden love. Tell me, will you be happy in case you decide to carry on with this relationship? Will you be able to cope with the stigma of being a mistress of a priest? If your answer is yes, then you must be really madly in love with him to go against all odds. In case you choose this scenario, please take into consideration the future of the product of this forbidden love. Will your children be strong enough to face the stigma of being fathered by a priest?
If you feel some guilt about your feelings with this priest, then your first option is to stop seeing this priest before things get more complicated with a possible pregnancy. You must then be firm about your decision to break away from your priest-lover and cut all communications with him. If possible, move to a place far away from him so that chances of accidentally meeting each other and rekindling this taboo relationship would be impossible. It may be difficult at first but you’ll see that you will be able to live through the loss of your forbidden love. Don’t lose hope. You can still meet a person who will love you and will be able to openly declare his love for you in the society you live in.
You know, if this priest is really in love with you and as you said that he had expressed his guilt about your relationship, he should gather the strength to leave his priesthood and accept the fact that he is a human being who cannot live a celibate life. Then the two of you can get married and start a family that will not be looked down upon by your community.
First of all, please bear with me for my story is a bit long. I am an engineer who has been working outside the Philippines for several years now. While I enjoy the benefits of my job, I am always alone and lonely. One late morning while in the office not doing much, I went into one of the chat websites and I met a guy who was thousands of miles away. He is a black American named Josh. I never thought that I would fall in love with a person that I had never seen before. He was very sweet and smart and I enjoyed his company. A year passed and our "online relationship" went sour. I helped him a lot financially before, but I noticed that when I stopped helping him, he became rude to me and his behavior changed. It was very painful and I felt he was using me, but I loved him too much to let him go, we continued with our "virtual relationship" but it was already on and off because we had too many differences and we clashed all the time.
One Saturday night, I was praying intensely and I asked God to give me a sign that He wanted this guy to be with me. I said if I could see a black guy the next day, which is very rare to see in the country where I am now, then His answer is yes. I fell asleep with tears in my eyes. The next morning, I felt light and relieved that finally I would let go and I let God’s will make my destiny. I went to church that day.
To my big surprise, the priest who celebrated the Mass was a black guy and I suddenly remembered my prayers. I felt overjoyed and elated that after the Mass I went to see him and asked for his blessings, which I do not normally do. I did not know that instance would change my life forever. To make it short, the priest and I became close, and he became my best friend and confidante. I must admit that I enjoyed talking to him and we called each other every day. One Friday, I called him and I told him that I was not working that day and the following day, he asked me if he could come to my apartment and just spend the day with me. We met in front of the church, and we spent the whole day in my place. We cooked, we watched video tapes, we played video games, we talked and we laughed and I was very happy. While playing video games, we went physical over excitement every time one defeated the other one, and he bent down to kiss me on my forehead when I won the round. I felt something very strange envelop my whole being at that moment. I knew he did not mean any harm. He is already a Reverend Father, and he is one year younger than me. With him, I completely forgot about Josh.
He was very nice, and we enjoyed that day. Our feelings for each other were very strong and very frightening. I saw the tears rolling down his cheeks and I cried so hard when he held me in his arms. I felt like heaven and hell struck us at that moment. When he left, I felt a great deal of guilt on how on earth could I disrespect a man of God . I barely slept that night. It was a battle between right and wrong, right because I knew I finally found the person and wrong because he is a priest. We did not talk for many days after that.
After a week, I decided to call him to apologize for what happened, but his number was busy. I was using my landline and I heard my mobile phone ringing and when I picked it up, it was a missed call and it was his number. We did not call each other back. One morning, I decided to go out and take some photographs of some nice spots here in this country and while walking towards the gate of my apartment, I saw him waiting for me. He said he was not the same man after what happened to us before. We kissed each other and for the first time in my life, I did not think that it was wrong. However, we did not cross the boundary, although we knew we already violated his sacred vows.
I am very confused now, and I do not know what to do. He said he felt very guilty and almost could not face the altar every time he officiated at Mass, but at the same time he felt a joy in his heart that he never felt before. I feel the same way. Please help me, I am in a total mess now.
Lady Engineer
You’re right in letting Josh go since he is definitely just after the financial assistance you were handing over to him. Yes, you really have messed up your love life by falling in love with a man who has vowed a life of celibacy. Yes, yours is a forbidden love. Tell me, will you be happy in case you decide to carry on with this relationship? Will you be able to cope with the stigma of being a mistress of a priest? If your answer is yes, then you must be really madly in love with him to go against all odds. In case you choose this scenario, please take into consideration the future of the product of this forbidden love. Will your children be strong enough to face the stigma of being fathered by a priest?
If you feel some guilt about your feelings with this priest, then your first option is to stop seeing this priest before things get more complicated with a possible pregnancy. You must then be firm about your decision to break away from your priest-lover and cut all communications with him. If possible, move to a place far away from him so that chances of accidentally meeting each other and rekindling this taboo relationship would be impossible. It may be difficult at first but you’ll see that you will be able to live through the loss of your forbidden love. Don’t lose hope. You can still meet a person who will love you and will be able to openly declare his love for you in the society you live in.
You know, if this priest is really in love with you and as you said that he had expressed his guilt about your relationship, he should gather the strength to leave his priesthood and accept the fact that he is a human being who cannot live a celibate life. Then the two of you can get married and start a family that will not be looked down upon by your community.
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