How to overcome pre-nuptial jitters
June 23, 2004 | 12:00am
There are so many reasons why Pinay brides may develop the so-called prenuptial jitters. Don’t worry, for this is not listed in our psychiatric textbook and is therefore not a mental disorder. Pre-nuptial jitters are temporary and disappear after the wedding.
Perhaps the first reason is financial. In Philippine society, wedding expenses are expected to be shouldered by the groom’s family. But times have changed. Now, couples and their families both give their share. Since a large percentage of the population is Roman Catholic, a church wedding is thus expected. Church weddings turn out to be quite expensive. One has to allot a budget for the car, flowers, outfits, photos, videos, invitations and other wedding accessories of the entourage.
The bride and groom don’t arrive in the wedding venue at the same time. The groom is expected to come before the set time of the wedding to receive guests. Meanwhile, the bride remains in the bridal car until the wedding march. The usual wedding entourage will consist of the bride and groom, the parents of the couple, the primary and secondary sponsors, the maid of honor and the best man, the coin and ring bearer and the flower girls. In some weddings, there are even junior bridesmaids with their corresponding escorts. The groom walks down the aisle alone or with his parent/s before the principal sponsors (ninongs and ninangs or godparents) and the bride. Then the coin bearer who carries the arrhae or 13 coins, marches with the ring bearer during the processional. The flower girls march next in line, then the bridesmaids and the groomsmen, then the maid of honor and best man.
Usually, the Pinay bride will choose a specially designed, custom-made gown over an RTW gown. But there are now wedding gown shops that may make or design gowns of your choice for rent, which means you get to be the first user. Aside from the exchange of rings, the giving of arrhae is a part of the wedding which symbolizes the groom’s pledge of his dedication to the welfare of his wife and children.
Most couples prefer to exchange wedding vows than read the standard vows provided by the church. Hence, some couples choose to personalize the misalettes. They also match the cord and veil sponsor drape to their chosen motif. There are three pairs of secondary sponsors who facilitate the wedding candle, veil and cord ceremonies held during the nuptial Mass. The candle sponsors light the wedding candles located at each side of the couple. It is believed that the flames from the candles symbolize the presence of the Almighty God within the union. Then the veil sponsors drape and pin the veil, which is a long white tulle, on the groom’s shoulder and over the bride’s head. It is believed that this symbolizes the union of the couple itself. The cord which symbolizes the infinite bond of marriage is either a silk rope, links of coins, or a string of flowers, and in a form of a figure eight. Each loop is loosely placed around the neck/shoulder area of the couple by the cord sponsors.
Another expensive concern of the couple is the ceremony and reception venues. They also have to pay and make sure that the reception area will provide for a pair of doves. The newlyweds release a pair of white doves to signify peace and harmony.
About a decade ago, the wedding coordinator was still unheard of and so usually the bride had to be the one to coordinate everything. Now, with the emergence of the wedding coordinator, the bride need not burden herself with the details of the wedding and reception ceremonies. Hiring a wedding coordinator will definitely mean less jitters for the bride.
Another common cause of the pre-nuptial jitters is discomfort in dealing with future in-laws and going about future day-to-day activities. Another factor that may cause undue stress for the bride is deciding on the guest list. This is a difficult task because the bride will definitely be torn between parental and in-law obligations. The usual option is to decrease one’s list of invited friends and co-workers. Perhaps, an acceptable option would be a compromise agreement to accommodate all parties by allotting 25 percent of the guest list for the bride, groom, parents of the bride and parents of the groom, respectively.
For the bride to lessen her apprehensions and worries about the wedding march and about her hair and makeup for the actual wedding date, it is better that she holds a dry run. Scheduling practice for the wedding entourage at the church will reassure the bride that there will be less mistakes during the wedding march. Seeing how she will look after a dry run hair and makeup session is enough to lessen the bride’s anxiety.
Dealing with Pinoy wedding superstitions can definitely add to a bride’s stress. You know how we Filipinos are known to be superstitious despite the fact that we are taught in school that superstitions are beliefs that have no logical basis or scientific explanation. Here are some of our common wedding superstitions:
• The bride should not try on her wedding dress until the day of the wedding or else the wedding will not push through. Thus, some brides will ask their couturiers to make another wedding gown from a cheaper material with exactly the same style as the one to be worn on the wedding date in order to diminish the apprehension about this superstition.
• A couple to be married are accident-prone and thus must avoid traveling before their wedding day. Delegating the things to do for the wedding to somebody else will diminish the need for the bride to be always on the road.
• The side of the couple whose candle is unlit will die ahead of the other. The wedding coordinator is thus asked to make sure that the electric fans in the church do not affect the said candles.
• Siblings should not marry on the same year for this is considered bad luck. Parents usually will not allow two of their children to be married in the same year. The older one will be given the priority to marry first.
• Dropping the wedding ring, arrhae or veil means unhappiness for the bride and groom. This is why the wedding ring and arrhae are sewn, usually on ornamented small pillows to ensure that the coin or ring bearer will not drop them.
• Breaking something at the reception will bring good luck to the couple. The Filipino-Chinese couple will surely be glad when a guest accidentally drops a wine glass during the wedding reception.
Now for the day immediately prior the wedding, as an ultimate stress-buster, the bride should pamper herself with a spa treatment at her favorite beauty salon and then have separate sessions with her hairstylist, makeup artist, manicurist and masseuse. Believe me, this will surely relax her nerves and she will not need to see a shrink.
(If you have problems about love, looks and relationships, send your letters to The Philippine Star c/o Allure section or send them directly to Suite 309 Medical Arts Bldg., St. Luke’s Medical Center; fax. no: 723-1103; Suite 506 Medico Bldg., Lourdes St. cor. San Miguel Ave., Pasig; fax no. 631-3877; tel. no. 633-3893; e-mail address: ninahalili_allure2001@yahoo.com)
Perhaps the first reason is financial. In Philippine society, wedding expenses are expected to be shouldered by the groom’s family. But times have changed. Now, couples and their families both give their share. Since a large percentage of the population is Roman Catholic, a church wedding is thus expected. Church weddings turn out to be quite expensive. One has to allot a budget for the car, flowers, outfits, photos, videos, invitations and other wedding accessories of the entourage.
The bride and groom don’t arrive in the wedding venue at the same time. The groom is expected to come before the set time of the wedding to receive guests. Meanwhile, the bride remains in the bridal car until the wedding march. The usual wedding entourage will consist of the bride and groom, the parents of the couple, the primary and secondary sponsors, the maid of honor and the best man, the coin and ring bearer and the flower girls. In some weddings, there are even junior bridesmaids with their corresponding escorts. The groom walks down the aisle alone or with his parent/s before the principal sponsors (ninongs and ninangs or godparents) and the bride. Then the coin bearer who carries the arrhae or 13 coins, marches with the ring bearer during the processional. The flower girls march next in line, then the bridesmaids and the groomsmen, then the maid of honor and best man.
Usually, the Pinay bride will choose a specially designed, custom-made gown over an RTW gown. But there are now wedding gown shops that may make or design gowns of your choice for rent, which means you get to be the first user. Aside from the exchange of rings, the giving of arrhae is a part of the wedding which symbolizes the groom’s pledge of his dedication to the welfare of his wife and children.
Most couples prefer to exchange wedding vows than read the standard vows provided by the church. Hence, some couples choose to personalize the misalettes. They also match the cord and veil sponsor drape to their chosen motif. There are three pairs of secondary sponsors who facilitate the wedding candle, veil and cord ceremonies held during the nuptial Mass. The candle sponsors light the wedding candles located at each side of the couple. It is believed that the flames from the candles symbolize the presence of the Almighty God within the union. Then the veil sponsors drape and pin the veil, which is a long white tulle, on the groom’s shoulder and over the bride’s head. It is believed that this symbolizes the union of the couple itself. The cord which symbolizes the infinite bond of marriage is either a silk rope, links of coins, or a string of flowers, and in a form of a figure eight. Each loop is loosely placed around the neck/shoulder area of the couple by the cord sponsors.
Another expensive concern of the couple is the ceremony and reception venues. They also have to pay and make sure that the reception area will provide for a pair of doves. The newlyweds release a pair of white doves to signify peace and harmony.
About a decade ago, the wedding coordinator was still unheard of and so usually the bride had to be the one to coordinate everything. Now, with the emergence of the wedding coordinator, the bride need not burden herself with the details of the wedding and reception ceremonies. Hiring a wedding coordinator will definitely mean less jitters for the bride.
Another common cause of the pre-nuptial jitters is discomfort in dealing with future in-laws and going about future day-to-day activities. Another factor that may cause undue stress for the bride is deciding on the guest list. This is a difficult task because the bride will definitely be torn between parental and in-law obligations. The usual option is to decrease one’s list of invited friends and co-workers. Perhaps, an acceptable option would be a compromise agreement to accommodate all parties by allotting 25 percent of the guest list for the bride, groom, parents of the bride and parents of the groom, respectively.
For the bride to lessen her apprehensions and worries about the wedding march and about her hair and makeup for the actual wedding date, it is better that she holds a dry run. Scheduling practice for the wedding entourage at the church will reassure the bride that there will be less mistakes during the wedding march. Seeing how she will look after a dry run hair and makeup session is enough to lessen the bride’s anxiety.
Dealing with Pinoy wedding superstitions can definitely add to a bride’s stress. You know how we Filipinos are known to be superstitious despite the fact that we are taught in school that superstitions are beliefs that have no logical basis or scientific explanation. Here are some of our common wedding superstitions:
• The bride should not try on her wedding dress until the day of the wedding or else the wedding will not push through. Thus, some brides will ask their couturiers to make another wedding gown from a cheaper material with exactly the same style as the one to be worn on the wedding date in order to diminish the apprehension about this superstition.
• A couple to be married are accident-prone and thus must avoid traveling before their wedding day. Delegating the things to do for the wedding to somebody else will diminish the need for the bride to be always on the road.
• The side of the couple whose candle is unlit will die ahead of the other. The wedding coordinator is thus asked to make sure that the electric fans in the church do not affect the said candles.
• Siblings should not marry on the same year for this is considered bad luck. Parents usually will not allow two of their children to be married in the same year. The older one will be given the priority to marry first.
• Dropping the wedding ring, arrhae or veil means unhappiness for the bride and groom. This is why the wedding ring and arrhae are sewn, usually on ornamented small pillows to ensure that the coin or ring bearer will not drop them.
• Breaking something at the reception will bring good luck to the couple. The Filipino-Chinese couple will surely be glad when a guest accidentally drops a wine glass during the wedding reception.
Now for the day immediately prior the wedding, as an ultimate stress-buster, the bride should pamper herself with a spa treatment at her favorite beauty salon and then have separate sessions with her hairstylist, makeup artist, manicurist and masseuse. Believe me, this will surely relax her nerves and she will not need to see a shrink.
(If you have problems about love, looks and relationships, send your letters to The Philippine Star c/o Allure section or send them directly to Suite 309 Medical Arts Bldg., St. Luke’s Medical Center; fax. no: 723-1103; Suite 506 Medico Bldg., Lourdes St. cor. San Miguel Ave., Pasig; fax no. 631-3877; tel. no. 633-3893; e-mail address: ninahalili_allure2001@yahoo.com)
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