The unwrap rap
January 5, 2004 | 12:00am
Christmas may have passed, but had to get this off my chest. Santa Claus may be the unanimous mythical figure of choice in December, and all the way up to Christmas Eve I’d agree, but the moment the gifts under the tree are ripe for opening and unwrapping, as far as I’m concerned, it’s Wolverine who I would elect as my Christmas/New Year Hero for 2004. I’m a father of three boys (aged 12, nine and four), and I’m sure a lot of parents will understand where I’m coming from.
What is it with the way toys are packed nowadays? It’s like some exquisite torture test is being foisted on us unsuspecting parents. Action figures are encased in hard plastic that refuses to be stripped off without the aid of super sharp scissors or cutters. Even if you cut off the top, avoiding the toy figure getting cut or maimed ("Pop, why is Robin missing a hand?" or "Dad, I’m sure Frodo had a head! He didn’t live during the French Revolution!"), one is left with super sharp edges that can cut off the finger of your child or at the very least, induce paper cuts of the nth degree.
With boxed toys, one can open the box easily enough – just get through the industrial staples and quadruple taped box openings; only to discover the toys are strapped to the rear wall of the box like they’re holding on for dear life ("Save me from that child!"). If not twined with a million twists, there are hard thick plastic straps that would suffocate and immobilize any Incredible Hulk. Give me a break, how many wires and straps do toys need to keep them from moving or rattling?
This year, I got one of my sons the Vectron Ultralite Infrared Remote Control Wireless Flying Saucer – that’s another bizarre revenge factor on the part of toy companies, try having a child write that on his wish list! I saw a recent CNN newscast that gave the Vectron, touted as the next generation of flying toys, two enthusiastic "thumbs up" as one of the more exciting toys of 2003. Wouldn’t you know it, new tech toys and guess what, they’re not happy with staples, straps or twine; my son had to look for a screwdriver just to remove the toy from the box!
Watch out! In Christmas 2004, we may need power tools, super-pliers, a wrench, or dynamite to be a "hero" to our kids and hand them their toys. That’s why Wolverine is just the person we need; we can even modify some of the blades that act as his fingers to anticipate the moves of today’s toy companies.
These infectious times
This time last year, I came up with a 2002 (Black)Hole of Fame Awards. Looking back, I can’t even be bothered to highlight or lowlight much of what happened in 2003; too much of the year was bathed in mediocrity, hype and bathos. In fact, if one were looking for direction or affection in 2003, one would have been sorely disappointed. What it was, was the Year of Infection. What do I mean? Let me count the ways.
First, there was SARS. Cutting a swathe through most of Eastern Asia, this was infection at its most potent and dire. Hong Kong, China, Taiwan, Singapore – SARS left the region reeling, with tourism brought to a standstill. Fortunate to be spared an outbreak here in the Philippines, domestic tourism was given a summer shot in the arm. What ever happened to those Filipino medical researchers who were claiming virgin coconut was the cure-all for SARS and other highly infectious respiratory diseases? Looks like they hit a "cold front."
Spreading like the plague through the medium of television was F4 fever. Go figure, we have countless soap operas of our own, some of which are even dubbed and bought by other ASEAN countries, and we turn a year-old Taiwanese product into a certifiable hit series; even going crazy when any of the group’s members fly in for concert appearances. Also on broadband channels, we had the endless procession of pale imitations of Western reality TV shows. Fear Factor, the Millionaire and the Bachelorette, MTV’s show where Ashton Kutcher plays tricks on celebrities, you name it, and we created our own mongrel/hybrid.
Infecting our airwaves last year was the novelty song. Other than a few artists who broke through, like Nina, Paolo Santos and Sarah Geronimo, 2003 was dominated by these novelty songs. Parokya and Mr. Suave, the Sexbomb Dancers and Spaghetti, Bayani’s Ocho-Ocho, it looked like anyone and their Hot Babes were also jumping on the novelty bandwagon. And given the upcoming elections, it’s a safe bet that we won’t be hearing anything different for at least the first half of the new year. Every pop songwriter and recording company will be hoping to emulate that formulaic success, as it’s bling-bling royalties when their hit gets optioned for an election jingle.
Speaking of bandwagon, the other infectious disease spreading as election fever began its course was amnesia. Really, if ever there was a case for "Never saying Never" or nobody changes stripes like a politician, our local political scene would qualify as petri dish number one. How alliances shifted or loyalties were discarded, and politicos just plain forget their basic differences and deep rooted feuds in the face of backing "winnables" was a sight to behold. Principles were secondary or tertiary considerations in the shuffle for possible future political payback.
And as far as the local scene was concerned, hands down and arms (in the "gun" sense of the word) down infectious champion was STD. If I have to begin to explain, you really didn’t have a "Wonderful Kris-mastime"in 2003; and I won’t even call you a baby kangaroo (Hint: Joey).
Happy New Year! May 2004 bring us more substance, especially come election time.
(E-mail me at peopleasia@qinet.net)
What is it with the way toys are packed nowadays? It’s like some exquisite torture test is being foisted on us unsuspecting parents. Action figures are encased in hard plastic that refuses to be stripped off without the aid of super sharp scissors or cutters. Even if you cut off the top, avoiding the toy figure getting cut or maimed ("Pop, why is Robin missing a hand?" or "Dad, I’m sure Frodo had a head! He didn’t live during the French Revolution!"), one is left with super sharp edges that can cut off the finger of your child or at the very least, induce paper cuts of the nth degree.
With boxed toys, one can open the box easily enough – just get through the industrial staples and quadruple taped box openings; only to discover the toys are strapped to the rear wall of the box like they’re holding on for dear life ("Save me from that child!"). If not twined with a million twists, there are hard thick plastic straps that would suffocate and immobilize any Incredible Hulk. Give me a break, how many wires and straps do toys need to keep them from moving or rattling?
This year, I got one of my sons the Vectron Ultralite Infrared Remote Control Wireless Flying Saucer – that’s another bizarre revenge factor on the part of toy companies, try having a child write that on his wish list! I saw a recent CNN newscast that gave the Vectron, touted as the next generation of flying toys, two enthusiastic "thumbs up" as one of the more exciting toys of 2003. Wouldn’t you know it, new tech toys and guess what, they’re not happy with staples, straps or twine; my son had to look for a screwdriver just to remove the toy from the box!
Watch out! In Christmas 2004, we may need power tools, super-pliers, a wrench, or dynamite to be a "hero" to our kids and hand them their toys. That’s why Wolverine is just the person we need; we can even modify some of the blades that act as his fingers to anticipate the moves of today’s toy companies.
These infectious times
This time last year, I came up with a 2002 (Black)Hole of Fame Awards. Looking back, I can’t even be bothered to highlight or lowlight much of what happened in 2003; too much of the year was bathed in mediocrity, hype and bathos. In fact, if one were looking for direction or affection in 2003, one would have been sorely disappointed. What it was, was the Year of Infection. What do I mean? Let me count the ways.
First, there was SARS. Cutting a swathe through most of Eastern Asia, this was infection at its most potent and dire. Hong Kong, China, Taiwan, Singapore – SARS left the region reeling, with tourism brought to a standstill. Fortunate to be spared an outbreak here in the Philippines, domestic tourism was given a summer shot in the arm. What ever happened to those Filipino medical researchers who were claiming virgin coconut was the cure-all for SARS and other highly infectious respiratory diseases? Looks like they hit a "cold front."
Spreading like the plague through the medium of television was F4 fever. Go figure, we have countless soap operas of our own, some of which are even dubbed and bought by other ASEAN countries, and we turn a year-old Taiwanese product into a certifiable hit series; even going crazy when any of the group’s members fly in for concert appearances. Also on broadband channels, we had the endless procession of pale imitations of Western reality TV shows. Fear Factor, the Millionaire and the Bachelorette, MTV’s show where Ashton Kutcher plays tricks on celebrities, you name it, and we created our own mongrel/hybrid.
Infecting our airwaves last year was the novelty song. Other than a few artists who broke through, like Nina, Paolo Santos and Sarah Geronimo, 2003 was dominated by these novelty songs. Parokya and Mr. Suave, the Sexbomb Dancers and Spaghetti, Bayani’s Ocho-Ocho, it looked like anyone and their Hot Babes were also jumping on the novelty bandwagon. And given the upcoming elections, it’s a safe bet that we won’t be hearing anything different for at least the first half of the new year. Every pop songwriter and recording company will be hoping to emulate that formulaic success, as it’s bling-bling royalties when their hit gets optioned for an election jingle.
Speaking of bandwagon, the other infectious disease spreading as election fever began its course was amnesia. Really, if ever there was a case for "Never saying Never" or nobody changes stripes like a politician, our local political scene would qualify as petri dish number one. How alliances shifted or loyalties were discarded, and politicos just plain forget their basic differences and deep rooted feuds in the face of backing "winnables" was a sight to behold. Principles were secondary or tertiary considerations in the shuffle for possible future political payback.
And as far as the local scene was concerned, hands down and arms (in the "gun" sense of the word) down infectious champion was STD. If I have to begin to explain, you really didn’t have a "Wonderful Kris-mastime"in 2003; and I won’t even call you a baby kangaroo (Hint: Joey).
Happy New Year! May 2004 bring us more substance, especially come election time.
(E-mail me at peopleasia@qinet.net)
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