What’s your parenting style?

A child first learns about socialization from his nuclear family through the parent-child relationship. A child’s development is greatly influenced by his reaction to his parents (and vice versa) in their day-to-day, moment-to-moment interactions.

Parents experience a lot of pleasure in just watching their toddler’s progress in their motor skills. (My daughter, Bernadette is no longer a toddler. Though she’s already a sophomore at the ABS-CBN Distance Learning Center, I must confess that I still experience such delight when I hear her sing and do the "spaghetti" dance.) The parents’ praise or words of encouragement for their child’s newly-acquired motor skills enhances their child’s emotional development, especially the development of pride and self-esteem.

When parents offer their toddlers choices for a certain situation, this enhances the development of their toddler’s sense of being someone who can have a positive effect or impact on their home environment. When parents start teaching social norms or the do’s and the don’t’s at home, they are actually promoting the development of their child’s pro-social behavior and diminishing the development of aggressive behavior.

Talking with your toddler by recalling what transpired during the day, or reading your toddlers fairy tales is a great help in improving the child’s facility for language.

It is also good to role-play with your child. Doing so enhances the child’s imaginativeness and "pretend" play. Developing his imagination will subsequently lead to the development of a child’s symbolic thinking and social understanding.

Parents should express their delight or satisfaction when their child has developed the ability to play with their peers. Doing so supports a healthy separation of the child from the parents and will help the child acquire a sense of autonomy. When you show and express your love for your child verbally and through non-verbal gestures like kissing or hugging, your child will be able to understand and learn about the concept of healthy, reciprocal relationships by loving their parents and by being loved by them.

Baumrind, in his article, Current Patterns of Parental Authority (published in the Developmental Psychology Monograph in 1971) wrote that there are four general styles of parenting: 1) authoritarian; 2) indifferent; 3) permissive; and 4) authoritative.

Baumrind said that the authoritarian parent is demanding, controlling, threatening and punishing. If this is your parenting style, your child will most likely become moody, irritable, aggressive and might later on develop a behavioral disorder.

Parents with an indifferent parenting style set few limits. They monitor their child’s behavior less. Often, they appear to be detached. Baumrind correlated this kind of parenting to children who are demanding, less compliant and with poor peer relational skills.

Baumrind’s third parenting category is the permissive parenting style. The permissive parent is 1) loving; 2) emotionally available; 3) sets few limits; and 4) accepting; and 5) encouraging. This parenting style may still lead to children with impulsive behavior.

The last parenting style described by Baumrind is authoritative parenting. Here the parent is 1) caring; 2) emotionally available; 3) provides appropriate limit-setting; 4) maintains structure; and 5) has reasonable expectations. Their children in turn, are more independent, have good social skills and are more self-confident.

I know that parents always wish the best for their children. You won’t be sorry if you change gears now and assume the authoritative parenting style.

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Philippine Board of Psychiatry Announcement: The psychiatry specialty board written exams will be held on Aug. 30 from 8 a.m. to 12 noon at the UST College of Medicine Bldg. Deadline for submission of applications is July 31. For inquiries, contact Jing Mistica, tel. 635-98-58 or Dr. Nina Halili-Jao at 633-38-93; 723-1103).

Thank you to those who have sent me questions through fax, letters or phone calls. I will try to answer them in my succeeding articles. Please limit your questions to topics on love, life and relationships.

Thank you Dr. and Mrs. Bobbit Faustino and Dr. Taddy Gonzales for giving me a Tanging Ina tribute in the USTMED ’77 website.

(If you have topics on love, life and relationships you want me to discuss in this column, please write and send them to the Philippine Star, Allure Section or send them directly to Suite 506 Medico Bldg., Lourdes Street cor. San Miguel Avenue, Pasig City; Telefax no. 631-3877; e-mail address: ninahalili@hotmail.com.)