Unshackling ourselves from the past

I am sure it has happened to many of us. There are times when we remember a past boyfriend or lover and cannot shake thoughts of him away even if we are already happily married or with another person. We wonder where he is, what he is doing. Many love songs and poems have been sung and written with themes of remembrances of a past with another. Sometimes too, the memories never leave and stay in the dark recesses of our consciousness.

In a worst case scenario, for those who have not moved on to another relationship, the memories deepen and become almost like an epitaph carved in stone. The heart still longs and hopes that things could have been different and that you could still be a couple today.

I have always believed that people come into each other’s lives for a purpose. And this great karmic plan of God, in its wisdom, knows that the coupling of people stems from the need of each one to learn the best lessons she can from the other. When the lessons have been learned, it is time to move on. We are often unable to move on with our lives because of the circumstances of parting or worst, the whole relationship with its pains, emotional or physical abuses. Sometimes, we think we may never heal. This creates a blob in our consciousness that prevents us from moving forward and growing. A blob is anything that doesn’t allow us to move higher, grow or expand. The blob is heavy, unmanageable. Sometimes, this blob need not be a person of the past, but a situation, a specific trait, an insecurity, a fear. For many of us however, this blob is a past relationship.

We often put our life on hold, unable to move forward because of this unhealed aspect. From that level of remembering, we cannot solve the problem. Healing is faster when we see our past relationships from a different vantage point. Many problems in one stage can only be diffused or solved if we move to another level.

That level is to see our past relationships not from the level of our personality, but from the level of soul growth. We must try to see the blob as the jewel of a lesson learned in our process of emotional and spiritual maturity. That blob is something that needs to be looked at closely and reflected on. Then, the next step is to integrate that lesson in our life and not see it as apart from us, just because it is already in the past. The words that the writer-philosopher Ken Wilber uses are "include and transcend." Include all of your past in the person you are now, but transcend it.

Karmic connections are rooted in the need of souls to come together and work out imbalances done to each other from other lives. Each one is used as a trigger, a mirror even, to reflect back traits that need to be developed. This is true not only for love relations but also for family, friends and business relationships–actually, all relationships. To close the karmic circle means cleaning up that blob. When we end relationships with bitterness, hatred and anger–the karmic ties continue to be worked out through our energy fields. And we continue to work out karma in healing all our negative emotions. Here, we definitely see a blob that must be looked at squarely and cleansed. Healing moved to an intangible level as you begin to control your thoughts. If a person/lover has hurt you terribly, then know that perhaps a karmic imbalance in the soul level has been done–with you paying up your dues.

When a relationship ends with only the emotion of detachment, the karmic tie has been broken but you may not have ascended to a different level. You will know you have moved up and grown in wisdom if you can let go that blob with love, releasing it and thinking of the past lover/boyfriend with only thoughts of love and goodwill. Here, you have closed the karmic circle and ascended. To remember the past only with love is a sure-shot indication that you have erased your blob.

There is this saying that goes something like, "People are in our lives for a reason, some for a season, others for a lifetime. For the people in our lives that have been reasons and seasons, let us neatly tie up our karmic connections."

Relationships are the very core and essence of our being alive, of our being human. In its guise is the gift for understanding our individual journey and soul growth. Let us therefore not take them for granted.

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E-mail me at jej1@easycall.com.ph