Just you and me, kid
December 1, 2002 | 12:00am
What happens when an adult and child are forced to go through life without the presence of another parent? What transpires when the family portrait does not resemble Norman Rockwell’s vision of the nuclear family? Theirs are the tales of courage, humility, struggle and great self-discovery. These are their stories:
Elizabeth "Yvette" Dizon married Martin Reyes in 1991. After living in Tokyo, Virginia and Minneapolis, the couple returned to Manila. They were blessed with three children: Andie (now nine years old), a gifted child whose talents lie in music, Sevi (now six), a chess enthusiast whose interest extends to the arts and mechanics, and Chino (now five), a warm and affectionate boy who has already won chess tournaments and putting contests and whose dimples and laughter elicit delight from people he meets. Like their father, the three love to read, skateboard, bike, swim and visit beaches and mountains.
There is nothing but love and tenderness in Yvette’s description of her husband. Martin was Yvette’s trusted friend, loving partner and mentor. To his children he was a firm but warm, witty father and an ideal role model. In October of 1999, Martin was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. This came as a complete surprise to the couple for Martin was an active sportsman. Leaving their children in Manila, the couple sought treatment in Stanford. Martin celebrated his 37th birthday in the US with his entire family. He lived long enough to see his daughter’s first holy communion and seventh birthday.
"In the days that followed Martin’s passing, the children and I rarely cried," Yvette explains. "Perhaps it was such an unbelievable situation. Or perhaps we were numb. Perhaps, too, my inability to show emotion at that time was the example that my children would follow and deem appropriate."
In the months that followed, the children noticeably lost weight. Reminiscences of their father were expressed in various ways. In the wake of such a traumatic event, Yvette found consolation in her parents’ home and relied on friends and relatives to keep them in good spirits.
A year after Martin’s demise, Yvette moved from her Alabang home to the house next to her sister Michelle’s (a block away from her parents). The children had to readjust to new schools, friends and lifestyle. Yvette’s family and friends supported both Yvette and her children through bouts of depression, sleepless nights and (in Yvette’s case) panic attacks.
Yvette relies heavily on her sister and brother-in-law to provide her children with parental presence. She considers her brother-in-law Gary Legarda to be more of a father to her children than many other fathers are to theirs. Gary takes the children to Ateneo-La Salle games and plays basketball with them. He joins them in golf and tennis and brags about them as if they were his own.
Yvette’s father has been consistent in attending father-son or father-daughter school affairs. He also makes it a point to take them to one-on-one outings and guides Yvette through the challenges of single parenthood.
"To me," shares Yvette, "being a mom is being a friend, confidante, guide, mentor and audience to my children. It means being able to share what I have and know as well as being able to receive the same from my children. It means playing children’s games, singing their songs, laughing at their jokes. It means sharing stories about my childhood, their (the children’s) childhood and about life with Martin. It also means being legislator, judge, jury and law enforcer in my own home.
"All in all, we are your average family. We are no different from the rest of the families that face daily challenges. We aspire to rise to these challenges to the best of our abilities with all the love and support our families and friends have to offer. We lean on them without embarrassment and with full gratitude. We thank the Lord for all of these. With Martin watching out for us, how can we go wrong?"
Like Yvette, photographer/cinematographer and cineaste Miguel Fabie III dotes on his son Miguel IV aka "Mito." After an amicable separation, both parents decided to have joint custody of their child. The arrangement made it possible for Miguel to be with his son on weekends.
Turning nine this December, Mito is in the third grade and is "obsessed" with baseball, kick boxing, and target shooting.
Like Yvette, Miguel also relies on his parents to "fill the void" most especially when he is called on assignments during the weekend. Though Miguel feels he can never do enough, he hopes his son understands the circumstances of his dad’s professional life without feeling neglected.
Miguel wishes Mito to become the best he can be. His proudest moment came when Mito was asked what he would like to change in his dad. The boy quickly replied, "Nothing!"
"Despite our separation," Miguel says, "Mito knows that both mom and dad love and support him all the way. We want our child to grow up as happily and normally as we can. Being a dad means being Mito’s best buddy. We have no secrets between us; we can cry together, laugh together, and in the end of the day, he will always have one ‘papa’."
Angel Jacob’s nine-year-old Arielle was born on the feast of the Immaculate Conception. A sweet and caring child, Arielle dreams of becoming a veterinarian. In an interesting play at role reversal, Arielle is the one who checks up on her mom–if she has eaten, if she has taken breaks in between shoots. Mother and daughter are each other’s best friend and often spend their time playing dress up.
Angel shares, "I am totally honest with Arielle. I tell her when she makes me proud, I commend her for good grades, and I acknowledge her good behavior and reprimand her for misbehaving. I try not to spoil her by not giving in to her every request. I am lucky she understands, but is also outspoken when she thinks she deserves another pair of roller skates. She sways me by saying, I should get one too so we can skate together. Not a bad idea, I must admit.
"We have the same taste in music. We turn up the volume in the room, and sing and dance together. We like taking walks to the nearby tiangge, or hanging out in my parents’ room with the rest of the family and just tell stories. She enjoys writing short stories, and I sometimes interrupt by insisting she include my name as one of the characters. She teases me and says, ‘I can be angel the donkey.’ Whenever I get dressed to go to a shoot or hang out with my friends, if I feel there’s something wrong with my outfit I ask her for advice. More often than not, she knows what’s wrong with the picture, wrong top or shoes even."
"I will not be able to handle the challenges of being a single mom if not for the love, understanding and support of my family," continues Angel. "I am blessed and so lucky to have them by my side come hell or high water. Even without asking for help they already know my concerns when it comes to Arielle. During the days I have work, it’s my mom or my dad who makes sure she is picked up from school."
Arielle’s sense of humor often surprises her mother. "Arielle had chicken pox a couple of weeks before Halloween. I tried my best to prevent her from looking at herself in the mirror for fear that she might just break down into tears upon seeing the spots on her face. Instead of feeling bad about her appearance she was excited she did not need a costume for Halloween. She could go trick or treating as the chicken pox girl! She was sure she’d win scariest, adding that the kids will surely run when they see her coming! She’s a cool kid, her sense of humor is kind of like mine–or so I think!"
Motherhood has taught Angel to humble herself, to be honest enough to admit her mistakes to Arielle and to keep on reminding herself to be a good role model for her daughter. Arielle has made Angel look at life through the eyes of a child. She has given Angel reason to thank God for all the blessings given to her as well as the readiness to accept the trials that come with being both mother and father to her child.
Single parenthood is truly a difficult position to find one’s self in. Loving one’s children however, overrides these difficulties and strengthens one’s resolve to prevail. Yvette, Miguel and Angel have been fortunate to have supportive families whose members have chosen to fill in the roles that the ideal nuclear family would have provided.
At the end of the day, one realizes that our present world is not one of the Leave it to Beaver or Happy Days varieties. It is about real life where things are never perfect and struggles never cease. The popular saying, "It takes a village to raise a child" is truer now than ever before. To protect and nurture a young human being during these times, unconditional love given beyond that of immediate parents is necessary. Vigilance, inner strength, commitment, the presence of an extended family and the ability to be resilient and pliable are keys to the success of raising children as a single parent.
Miguel, Yvette and Angel take their lives as parents one day at a time and in this measure they pray that their children will realize perpetual holistic well-being and contentment. After all, at the end of the day, is that not what every parent wishes for his child?
Elizabeth "Yvette" Dizon married Martin Reyes in 1991. After living in Tokyo, Virginia and Minneapolis, the couple returned to Manila. They were blessed with three children: Andie (now nine years old), a gifted child whose talents lie in music, Sevi (now six), a chess enthusiast whose interest extends to the arts and mechanics, and Chino (now five), a warm and affectionate boy who has already won chess tournaments and putting contests and whose dimples and laughter elicit delight from people he meets. Like their father, the three love to read, skateboard, bike, swim and visit beaches and mountains.
There is nothing but love and tenderness in Yvette’s description of her husband. Martin was Yvette’s trusted friend, loving partner and mentor. To his children he was a firm but warm, witty father and an ideal role model. In October of 1999, Martin was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. This came as a complete surprise to the couple for Martin was an active sportsman. Leaving their children in Manila, the couple sought treatment in Stanford. Martin celebrated his 37th birthday in the US with his entire family. He lived long enough to see his daughter’s first holy communion and seventh birthday.
"In the days that followed Martin’s passing, the children and I rarely cried," Yvette explains. "Perhaps it was such an unbelievable situation. Or perhaps we were numb. Perhaps, too, my inability to show emotion at that time was the example that my children would follow and deem appropriate."
In the months that followed, the children noticeably lost weight. Reminiscences of their father were expressed in various ways. In the wake of such a traumatic event, Yvette found consolation in her parents’ home and relied on friends and relatives to keep them in good spirits.
A year after Martin’s demise, Yvette moved from her Alabang home to the house next to her sister Michelle’s (a block away from her parents). The children had to readjust to new schools, friends and lifestyle. Yvette’s family and friends supported both Yvette and her children through bouts of depression, sleepless nights and (in Yvette’s case) panic attacks.
Yvette relies heavily on her sister and brother-in-law to provide her children with parental presence. She considers her brother-in-law Gary Legarda to be more of a father to her children than many other fathers are to theirs. Gary takes the children to Ateneo-La Salle games and plays basketball with them. He joins them in golf and tennis and brags about them as if they were his own.
Yvette’s father has been consistent in attending father-son or father-daughter school affairs. He also makes it a point to take them to one-on-one outings and guides Yvette through the challenges of single parenthood.
"To me," shares Yvette, "being a mom is being a friend, confidante, guide, mentor and audience to my children. It means being able to share what I have and know as well as being able to receive the same from my children. It means playing children’s games, singing their songs, laughing at their jokes. It means sharing stories about my childhood, their (the children’s) childhood and about life with Martin. It also means being legislator, judge, jury and law enforcer in my own home.
"All in all, we are your average family. We are no different from the rest of the families that face daily challenges. We aspire to rise to these challenges to the best of our abilities with all the love and support our families and friends have to offer. We lean on them without embarrassment and with full gratitude. We thank the Lord for all of these. With Martin watching out for us, how can we go wrong?"
Turning nine this December, Mito is in the third grade and is "obsessed" with baseball, kick boxing, and target shooting.
Like Yvette, Miguel also relies on his parents to "fill the void" most especially when he is called on assignments during the weekend. Though Miguel feels he can never do enough, he hopes his son understands the circumstances of his dad’s professional life without feeling neglected.
Miguel wishes Mito to become the best he can be. His proudest moment came when Mito was asked what he would like to change in his dad. The boy quickly replied, "Nothing!"
"Despite our separation," Miguel says, "Mito knows that both mom and dad love and support him all the way. We want our child to grow up as happily and normally as we can. Being a dad means being Mito’s best buddy. We have no secrets between us; we can cry together, laugh together, and in the end of the day, he will always have one ‘papa’."
Angel shares, "I am totally honest with Arielle. I tell her when she makes me proud, I commend her for good grades, and I acknowledge her good behavior and reprimand her for misbehaving. I try not to spoil her by not giving in to her every request. I am lucky she understands, but is also outspoken when she thinks she deserves another pair of roller skates. She sways me by saying, I should get one too so we can skate together. Not a bad idea, I must admit.
"We have the same taste in music. We turn up the volume in the room, and sing and dance together. We like taking walks to the nearby tiangge, or hanging out in my parents’ room with the rest of the family and just tell stories. She enjoys writing short stories, and I sometimes interrupt by insisting she include my name as one of the characters. She teases me and says, ‘I can be angel the donkey.’ Whenever I get dressed to go to a shoot or hang out with my friends, if I feel there’s something wrong with my outfit I ask her for advice. More often than not, she knows what’s wrong with the picture, wrong top or shoes even."
"I will not be able to handle the challenges of being a single mom if not for the love, understanding and support of my family," continues Angel. "I am blessed and so lucky to have them by my side come hell or high water. Even without asking for help they already know my concerns when it comes to Arielle. During the days I have work, it’s my mom or my dad who makes sure she is picked up from school."
Arielle’s sense of humor often surprises her mother. "Arielle had chicken pox a couple of weeks before Halloween. I tried my best to prevent her from looking at herself in the mirror for fear that she might just break down into tears upon seeing the spots on her face. Instead of feeling bad about her appearance she was excited she did not need a costume for Halloween. She could go trick or treating as the chicken pox girl! She was sure she’d win scariest, adding that the kids will surely run when they see her coming! She’s a cool kid, her sense of humor is kind of like mine–or so I think!"
Motherhood has taught Angel to humble herself, to be honest enough to admit her mistakes to Arielle and to keep on reminding herself to be a good role model for her daughter. Arielle has made Angel look at life through the eyes of a child. She has given Angel reason to thank God for all the blessings given to her as well as the readiness to accept the trials that come with being both mother and father to her child.
At the end of the day, one realizes that our present world is not one of the Leave it to Beaver or Happy Days varieties. It is about real life where things are never perfect and struggles never cease. The popular saying, "It takes a village to raise a child" is truer now than ever before. To protect and nurture a young human being during these times, unconditional love given beyond that of immediate parents is necessary. Vigilance, inner strength, commitment, the presence of an extended family and the ability to be resilient and pliable are keys to the success of raising children as a single parent.
Miguel, Yvette and Angel take their lives as parents one day at a time and in this measure they pray that their children will realize perpetual holistic well-being and contentment. After all, at the end of the day, is that not what every parent wishes for his child?
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