Young housewife bares deepest sexual fears

Dear Dr. Nina,

Hi! Hope you don’t mind me asking so many questions. Just call me Shaira. My first question is about my nipples. They were pinkish in color when I was 18 but suddenly they just turned reddish and worse, they turned darker, and became so dry. My husband even complained. What can possibly have caused it? I’ve tried putting lotion and oil on it. I used the mildest soap but still, nothing changed. What can I apply on them to make them healthy?

I haven’t had sex for four months now because my husband is in California and he’ll stay there for another six months. My question is: If we’re going to have sex when he arrives, do you think he will feel the same thing (pleasure) he did when he had "devirginized" me? I mean is it true that a long period of time without sex makes "IT" contract again?

My last question is: Is a Lie Detector Test accurate? I want to know if my husband cheated on me. Is there a way (I’m talking about a medical one) I can find out if he had sex with another woman during his stay in California?

I’m hoping for your answers. Thank you very much.

Your avid reader,

Shaira

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Shaira, thanks a lot for your letter. I’ll try my best to answer your questions. You know, while I was reading your first question, I was tempted to check the color of my nipples. The shade of our nipples may naturally become darker as we grow older. So don’t worry about the change in the color of your nipples. Your real problem is their dryness. If your nipples are dry then most probably your skin, too.

You also said that lotion application and the use of mild soap didn’t solve your problem.

You know, Shaira, sometimes frequent cleaning with soap and water may cause dryness. Just recently, my mom consulted a dermatologist from Medical City because her fingers turned reddish and rough. According to her dermatologist, this was due to frequent washing with soap and water. She gave my mom a soap substitute, made up of cethyl alcohol, sodium lauryl sulfate and stearyl alcohol and a moisturizing lotion made of urea. In a week’s time, my mom’s fingers were smooth and soft again. Thanks to my mom’s dermatologist, Dr. Yolanda Obieta. Shaira, I’m not a dermatologist. Remember, I’m a shrink so I won’t venture to give you a definitive cure for your dry nipples. The consistency of the nipples and skin is different so my advice to you, Shaira is to seek advice from a dermatologist.

Shaira and dear readers, I’d like to share with you my recent beauty secret. Last month, my lawyer, Irene Jurado and her son, Fiscal Alessandro Jurado asked me if I had subjected my face to any dermatological procedure. They said they noticed that my face was smooth and clear. They were indeed surprised when I told them it was just papaya soap that I was using for my face.

Before I transform into a beauty consultant, let’s go to your second question. After your husband’s being away for six months, I’m sure that the sexual satisfaction he will have when he has contact with you again may even be more than if not equal to what he had experienced with you the first time around. Shaira, it’s not true that abstinence from sex will atrophy your vagina. From your question, you sound like you’re newly married.

Let me tell you that biological changes like decreased hardness of erection, diminished ejaculatory spurt, decreased vaginal lubrication, enlargement of the prostate and incontinence are associated with aging. As we grow old, the estrogen levels decrease in women and the testosterone production declines in men.

Let’s proceed to your last question. Is a Lie Detector Test accurate? For our crime laboratory to use this procedure, I feel that it is an accurate test. If you want the percentage of its accuracy, then I better refer you to my colleague in psychiatry at the NBI, Dr. Rommel Papa. This test is used by our law enforcers to help them solve crimes. To think of the possibility of going to the extent of having your husband subjected to such a test is indicative that you have, indeed, a deep problem with your husband. Your problem is that you don’t trust your husband.

Medically, there is no test to determine if you have a philandering spouse except perhaps, if he develops a sexually transmitted disease. Because of your present setup of living apart, you will really encounter marital problems since your marriage does not appear to have a strong foundation of basic trust. Shaira, if there’s a way for you and your husband to live together, then do it now before things get worse. You need to strengthen the emotional bonding between you and your husband. If you have no basis for your fear that your husband is cheating on you, please don’t confront him yet. This will aggravate further your partner relational problem.

What is Partner Relational Problem? According to the Diagnostic Statistical Manual IV (DSM-IV), clinicians should use this category when the focus of clinical attention is a pattern of interaction between the spouse or partners. These are characterized by negative communication like criticism, distorted communication like unrealistic expectations and doubts, or non-communication such as withdrawal, associated with clinically significant impairment in individual or family functioning or in symptoms in one or both partners. Spouses with this problem can be helped by marital therapy.

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I’d like to thank those who gave me encouraging feedback about my previous article on panic attacks. To Yeye and those who inquired about the need for drug detoxification prior drug rehabilitation, yes, this is a prerequisite before a patient will be admitted for a drug rehabilitation program. To Audrey, please re-fax your letter because I cannot read the last 12 lines of your letter. Kindly use a darker pen. You may call me at tel. no. 633-3893.

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(In case you have other problems particularly about love, looks and relationships, you would want me to tackle in this column, do send your letters to The Philippine STAR c/o Allure Section or send them directly to Suite 506 Medico Bldg., Lourdes St. cor. San Miguel Avenue, Pasig; fax no. 631-38-77.)