Susan Reyes: ‘What I did for love’

When tycoon Eugenio "Geny" Lopez Jr. died three years ago, his family put out a death announcement which would have been typical except for one line. That line in the full-page obituary made mention of a "loving companion, Susan."

Susan, as most people know, is former fashion model Susan Reyes. In the beginning, Susan was probably known as "the other woman" in Geny Lopez’s life. But the special acknowledgment of her role in making Geny’s life – and death – meaningful has made many people take a second, respectful look at this beautiful lady.

Geny (he and his wife Chita were eventually divorced, says Susan) and Susan were on the fifth year of their 10-year relationship when they found out he had cancer. With Susan by his side, the media mogul fought the cancer and almost – almost – triumphed over the disease.

But in early 1999, he was told it was terminal. Geny then told Susan he wanted to die with dignity and in peace in the home they shared in San Francisco.

Susan, with the help of a hospice nurse and the Lopez family nurse, took care of Geny until his dying day.

"We were in the US when we were told that Geny had only a few more months to live," Susan recalls, a hint of pain still in her eyes. "Actually, it turned out to be just five weeks more. Geny made it very, very clear that he did not want to die in a hospital. It was also very clear that he did not want any more treatment.

"He knew it would only prolong his life by just a few more weeks. So I said, okay, we will just stay at home," Susan recalls. We are at Home Inc., a hospice care service she recently set up – inspired, no doubt by her experience with Geny. "I thought Geny died with dignity, quietly, no tubes, no pain. It was as if he just took his last breath and went to sleep. I told him I loved him a few seconds before he took his last breath. The hospice nurse told me, ‘This is the time.’ So when I said goodbye and that I love him, I knew he heard me. I just knew."

"A few days before that, the doctors told me, ‘It won’t be long now.’ There was also a time they were telling me, ‘Susan, you should sleep.’ And I told them, no way. I don’t want to be asleep when he goes. And then as a compromise, I said, okay, I will rest but only if you promise me that you will wake me up when it is time. And the nurse said, it won’t happen tonight. When the time was near, they knew. That morning, the hospice doctor called us all to his bedside. They told us to say goodbye."

"It is so much easier for those who are left behind to see their loved one pass on quietly and gracefully. In this Tibetan book on death, it says the greatest gift of charity you can give a person is to help him die well."

Geny was cremated, and some of his ashes were given to Susan.

"I still think of him all the time," she smiles.

Geny and Susan met in an elevator at the ABS-CBN building in Quezon City. The media mogul was said to have been immediately smitten by the dusky former Camay girl.

Susan says she was "swept off her feet" by Geny. She was 34, he was 60.

"He’s a terribly, terribly charming person," she gushes. Just for her, Geny had a private phone line installed in his office so that she would not have to pass through a secretary whenever she called (this was before cell phones became ubiquitous).

Geny lived a good life, was hardly ever sick, until the last five weeks of his life. Susan accompanied him to all his medical check-ups and held his hand through some of the procedures he had to undergo.

But soon – too soon – it was time to say goodbye.

"Even if I knew Geny was going to die, it was still very, very hard for me," Susan recalls.

How did she cope?

"I would not even say day to day," she answers. "I would say, moment to moment."

"After Geny died, I lost my appetite. I could not sleep. I was sick all the time. I had ulcers, vertigo, flu. My hair turned white, I’m dyeing it now. I did not know how to go about life. There was a time I could not go out of my house, not even to the beauty parlor or the gym. I don’t know if it was fear or what. I just could not do it.

"But time really heals. I went into meditation, ballroom dancing and these helped. And once, I told Geny’s daughter Gina after two hours of ballroom dancing: ‘You know, for two hours I wasn’t depressed’."

Her recovery was also aided by prayers and "lots of good, good friends."

It wasn’t until last year that Susan really smiled again. Her heart healed in San Francisco.

"I went back to San Francisco for the first time since Geny died. My son Iñigo (by former husband Francis Arnaiz) lives there now. Geny’s former wife Chita also lives there. Going back to San Francisco was like a closure for me. Chita took me out, too. When I returned to Manila, without really being aware of it, I could think about the future again. Before that, I could only think of today..."

Also last year, she met architect Conrad Onglao, whom she is "exclusively" dating now.

"I don’t know how serious it is. We get along, but we don’t take each other too seriously. We take each day as it comes. We both came from previous relationships and we both needed some mending."

"Between my work, my son and my new relationship, I am happy and busy," Susan says. The idea to set up a hospice care system, the first private hospice in the Philippines, came about during a dinner with friends Tessie Escaler and Annette Bugarin. They were able to ask the recognized founder of the hospice system in the US – who, incidentally, is a Filipina named Dr. Josefina Magno – to be the group’s president.

At 47 ("I am not ashamed of my age!" she declares), Susan keeps in shape by working out four times a week, having a facial once every six weeks, and by taking everything in moderation.

"When I was much younger, I could eat and eat and not gain weight. Now, it is a matter of balance. If I eat a lot for lunch, I take a light dinner. I don’t deprive myself of anything but it is my luck that I am not fond of dessert. I used to smoke a lot but I gave that up for Geny," she shares.

Because of Geny, Susan feels she has become a better person. Because of Geny and her experiences in caring for him on his death bed, she wants to make it easier for the dying and for the people they leave behind.

"Of all the many good qualities of Geny, the one that touched me most was his sincerity in wanting to be of help or service to others. That is very Geny. And he felt that if people could change, why not strive and evolve into something more positive? I think that that really rubbed off on me. Geny made me realize that people are really good. It’s just a matter of finding that goodness."

I ask Susan what made Geny’s family regard her with respect.

"I’ve always known my place in his family," she muses. "Never, never in our 10 years, especially in the beginning, did I come forward to make demands on him or his family. I’ve always known where to put myself. I’ve always understood that they come before me. I suppose it also helped that Chita is such a great lady. Because she found it in herself to forgive him and to forgive me. She even found it in herself to make friends with me."

Susan looks out the window of her office in a Makati high-rise and keeps silent for a moment. Then with eyes glowing, she confides: "You know, you cannot fake love. They saw how I took care of Geny. They appreciated that and I suppose – I never asked but I thank them for it – that’s why I was called Geny’s loving companion."

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Hospice of Manila Empowerment, Inc.’s 24-hour hotline is 0916-5375144.