From once upon a time to happily ever after
May 19, 2002 | 12:00am
Once upon a time there was a young Filipina named Ayen Munji whose lovely voice led her to sing in the plush clubs of Brunei. Her talent and fresh beauty easily made her a favorite among music aficionados and club goers. Little did Ayen know that her most ardent admirer would be no less than Prince Jefri, younger brother to the Sultan of Brunei. Much less known to the young singer was that in 1995 she would become the fourth wife of the Prince, establishing her as a certified Princess.
"The Prince was simpatico. Although he did not talk too much, he had a way of making you feel that you were the only one he was interested in," relates Ayen. "It was as though his whole world consisted of only you. He courted me for a year before I agreed to marry him.
"Being a Christian, I was very uncertain about how my life would be marrying a Muslim. The fact that he had other wives also did not sit well with me. Looking back, I do not know how I was able to cope with the adjustments. I must have really loved him. Regarding my uneasiness about renouncing my religion, the Prince however, was very reassuring and he told me that although I had to convert to Islam, the conversion would be a mere formality and that I would be able to discreetly practice my Christian faith."
Ayen quickly came face to face with the challenges that came with royal Brunei life. On many occasions she had to wear a head cover called a tudong and to defer to her husband in public."
Today, when Ayen remembers her life in Brunei, she laughs at how different life rapidly became. Palace protocol demanded that she dress for dinner every night. "Learning their ways was not taught by having a teacher in front of you," she explains. "It was more of having to be in that environment constantly. The environment would force you to act in a certain way. Once, when she had to meet the other members of the royal family, she was only given a few minutes of instructions on how to greet them.
"The first mistake I made was the typical ‘crossing your legs’ habit–a big ‘no-no’ with royal protocol. I unconsciously did this in front of the Sultan and my husband’s eyes would become alarmingly large, as he could not verbally warn me against doing this in front of his brother. I also was not allowed to speak to the Sultan’s second wife unless spoken to as she had a higher station than I did. But I did not know that and being the friendly person that I am, I just kept on asking her questions! It is not natural for me to be stiff and so going through all these social restrictions was such an effort for me!"
For Ayen, the presence of a cadre of bodyguards and eating amidst the scrutiny of six servants was a rather difficult reality to get used to. However, the Palace and its influence certainly had its perks. As in America’s White House, a Brunei royal member could ask for and be served any food imaginable–be it a special baguette found in Paris or a type of beef found in Buenos Aires. Shopping was absolute paradise! During her frequent trips to London, New York and Paris she amassed clothes, shoes and bags from Chanel, Christian Dior, Lacroix, Gucci and Prada. Ayen would go to a shop, make her selection and move to the next boutique, as the secretary would stay behind to pay the bill. Regularly, Armani would send about 60 suits in the house for her to choose from.
"I had a British and a Filipina secretary and they would think of things for me to do every day. They would see how lonely and bored I was. They would point out a great new restaurant that was in town. I would frequent Harrods to shop. When I would tire of uptown shopping, I would insist on going to Notting Hill but I was not allowed to do so."
Jewelry was given to royal wives was huge and gaudy. "If I wore them I would look like a Christmas Tree!" Ayen recalls. "My taste for jewelry is much simpler, much more discreet."
Ayen prayed that she would not be overwhelmed with the material things given to her. Looking back, she is thankful for the fact that her financial capacity during those years was able to help a lot of people–her family most of all. She also made it a point to invest wisely for the future.
Ayen never had to deal with the Prince’s wives and for a while, the idea of sharing her husband with others was not an issue. Prince Jefri after all, had in the past years consistently showed her that she was the only true love of his life. Boring and restrictive as her life was quickly proving to be during the six years of her marriage, the lonely princess found fulfillment in the production and performance of full-length musicale and dramatic productions in Brunei and Manila. "I produced Once in This Island, Chorus Line, Grease and Lives. An artist will always be an artist," she affirms quietly. But as nature would have it, one’s true values inevitably surface in the course of time. In Ayen’s case, the birth of her son instigated profound changes in the marital arrangement.
"You can say that the unraveling process was like a slow awakening. Although I was not vocal about things I began experiencing feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Right after giving birth to our son Hasan. I went through deep post-partum depression and I needed my husband to be there to support me through this very difficult time. He, on the other hand, could not understand what I was going through nor did he extend the support that I needed."
To make matters more difficult, the Prince was experiencing his own crisis. Business problems crept in and threatened to affect the entire royal family. Whereas in the past, the couple would spend at least 12 hours together, the Prince was now constantly leaving on trips spanning as much as two weeks. Eventually his financial problems escalated to the point where the couple was forced to leave Brunei.
"During this time, I chose to permanently live in New York. Prior to settling, we were living in London and Paris so there was no sense of permanence," says Ayen. "When we lived in New York, we started to grow apart. We would see each other 10 days in a month. The problem he was facing was taking a toll on him and although there were brief moments where he would confide in me about it, generally, it was very hard for me to ask questions. I felt as though I was intruding on something that was really big. The last blow was the emergence of another love interest in his life. This discovery made the union ever so much more intolerable."
Eventually, Ayen started longing for her homeland. She asked permission to visit the Philippines and while vacationing, came to realize that she was happiest amongst her friends and family.
"A year before the divorce proceedings I already communicated my unhappiness and my desire to separate. At first he thought that it was just a phase that I was going through. But eventually, when he realized that I truly wanted to be free, he did not give me a hard time. The divorce only took four months from the time it was petitioned."
The decision to separate was not an easy one. Even after the divorce was finalized, Ayen could not say she no longer loved the Prince. But the realization that she could not live under the unnatural conditions that she had previously found herself in steeled her resolve to seek what she considered to be "a better, more peaceful life." "More than anything, I wanted a conventional family. I wanted someone who was there as father and husband. I wanted someone who I knew would be with me in the day and be beside me at night; during the latter part of my marriage with the Prince, this was no longer the case. It came to the point that during the few times I would be sleeping with him, it felt like sleeping with a stranger. I was not allowed to talk about my feelings, I did not know who I was any more. I am a person who is very expressive and I was forced to suppress this part of me."
"I am so blessed to have had a supportive family. My parents and siblings were very concerned about me during the time I was going through a difficult time in my marriage. They just wanted me to be happy and they would even cry for me if they knew I was in pain. My father would always ask me if I was OK. He would not even ask me if I was happy because the whole family knew that I was not."
Today, Ayen has moved on. She has married her best friend and fellow artist Franco Laurel and is three and a half months pregnant with their first child. Handsome, boyish, friendly and wonderfully talented, Franco is the embodiment of father, husband and friend to Ayen, Hasan and Ayen’s older child Mariella. The decision to renounce the life of royalty, wealth and influence was not a difficult one because as early as the second year of marriage it had become clear to her that worldly power was not synonymous to inner happiness. Ayen’s staunch maintenance of her Christian faith and her devotion to prayers for guidance and enlightenment had cleared the way for what she happily believes to be a contented and far more secure future. By all accounts it appears as though she now has the stable family that she has long prayed for.
As the interview ensues, the young and bright-eyed Prince Hasan rushes into the room donning a white sleeveless cotton T-shirt and short pants, running quickly behind him in a similar outfit is a visiting cousin–each boy laughing and carefree–a picture of simple childhood happiness.
"He is the spitting image of his father," Ayen shares. "My son speaks to his father every day. In our agreement, Hasan has to be with his father four times a year. This is perfectly fine with me as my ex-husband and I have maintained a good relationship. All in all, things have worked out."
"Hasan is of royal blood but he will not have to experience the restrictions that the other royal children have to undergo as he spends most of his time with me and Franco. As I have mentioned several times, in Brunei, the royal family is extremely restricted in their movements and speech. The older members believe that by birth right they are superior to everybody else. The younger ones are more exposed to Western media and influences and so they sense that something is missing in their lives. I do not want this for my son. I did not want this for me. That is why I chose to relinquish my status as a princess–in order to experience freedom, contentment and happiness."
Manila is unlike any other glorified barrios of the world when it comes to the making of a marital match. In the standard marriage scenario beautiful young women are psychologically and emotionally bludgeoned by their parents to "marry rich" in order to get ahead in life. Ayen Munji-Laurel has entered the halls of absolute material luxury and found it a cold and lonely place. Her realization that money and power do not buy happiness should read as a warning sign to the legions of social climbing, money hungry stage mothers who are reading this article right now. More praiseworthy is Ayen’s courage to turn her back on the trappings of royalty in order to embrace a life that would give her peace of mind and heart. Her faith in God has led her to a simpler, gentler state of existence. And seeing this, one can believe that she indeed, by her inner strength, faith and integrity, will truly live happily ever after!
"The Prince was simpatico. Although he did not talk too much, he had a way of making you feel that you were the only one he was interested in," relates Ayen. "It was as though his whole world consisted of only you. He courted me for a year before I agreed to marry him.
"Being a Christian, I was very uncertain about how my life would be marrying a Muslim. The fact that he had other wives also did not sit well with me. Looking back, I do not know how I was able to cope with the adjustments. I must have really loved him. Regarding my uneasiness about renouncing my religion, the Prince however, was very reassuring and he told me that although I had to convert to Islam, the conversion would be a mere formality and that I would be able to discreetly practice my Christian faith."
Ayen quickly came face to face with the challenges that came with royal Brunei life. On many occasions she had to wear a head cover called a tudong and to defer to her husband in public."
Today, when Ayen remembers her life in Brunei, she laughs at how different life rapidly became. Palace protocol demanded that she dress for dinner every night. "Learning their ways was not taught by having a teacher in front of you," she explains. "It was more of having to be in that environment constantly. The environment would force you to act in a certain way. Once, when she had to meet the other members of the royal family, she was only given a few minutes of instructions on how to greet them.
"The first mistake I made was the typical ‘crossing your legs’ habit–a big ‘no-no’ with royal protocol. I unconsciously did this in front of the Sultan and my husband’s eyes would become alarmingly large, as he could not verbally warn me against doing this in front of his brother. I also was not allowed to speak to the Sultan’s second wife unless spoken to as she had a higher station than I did. But I did not know that and being the friendly person that I am, I just kept on asking her questions! It is not natural for me to be stiff and so going through all these social restrictions was such an effort for me!"
For Ayen, the presence of a cadre of bodyguards and eating amidst the scrutiny of six servants was a rather difficult reality to get used to. However, the Palace and its influence certainly had its perks. As in America’s White House, a Brunei royal member could ask for and be served any food imaginable–be it a special baguette found in Paris or a type of beef found in Buenos Aires. Shopping was absolute paradise! During her frequent trips to London, New York and Paris she amassed clothes, shoes and bags from Chanel, Christian Dior, Lacroix, Gucci and Prada. Ayen would go to a shop, make her selection and move to the next boutique, as the secretary would stay behind to pay the bill. Regularly, Armani would send about 60 suits in the house for her to choose from.
"I had a British and a Filipina secretary and they would think of things for me to do every day. They would see how lonely and bored I was. They would point out a great new restaurant that was in town. I would frequent Harrods to shop. When I would tire of uptown shopping, I would insist on going to Notting Hill but I was not allowed to do so."
Jewelry was given to royal wives was huge and gaudy. "If I wore them I would look like a Christmas Tree!" Ayen recalls. "My taste for jewelry is much simpler, much more discreet."
Ayen prayed that she would not be overwhelmed with the material things given to her. Looking back, she is thankful for the fact that her financial capacity during those years was able to help a lot of people–her family most of all. She also made it a point to invest wisely for the future.
Ayen never had to deal with the Prince’s wives and for a while, the idea of sharing her husband with others was not an issue. Prince Jefri after all, had in the past years consistently showed her that she was the only true love of his life. Boring and restrictive as her life was quickly proving to be during the six years of her marriage, the lonely princess found fulfillment in the production and performance of full-length musicale and dramatic productions in Brunei and Manila. "I produced Once in This Island, Chorus Line, Grease and Lives. An artist will always be an artist," she affirms quietly. But as nature would have it, one’s true values inevitably surface in the course of time. In Ayen’s case, the birth of her son instigated profound changes in the marital arrangement.
"You can say that the unraveling process was like a slow awakening. Although I was not vocal about things I began experiencing feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Right after giving birth to our son Hasan. I went through deep post-partum depression and I needed my husband to be there to support me through this very difficult time. He, on the other hand, could not understand what I was going through nor did he extend the support that I needed."
To make matters more difficult, the Prince was experiencing his own crisis. Business problems crept in and threatened to affect the entire royal family. Whereas in the past, the couple would spend at least 12 hours together, the Prince was now constantly leaving on trips spanning as much as two weeks. Eventually his financial problems escalated to the point where the couple was forced to leave Brunei.
"During this time, I chose to permanently live in New York. Prior to settling, we were living in London and Paris so there was no sense of permanence," says Ayen. "When we lived in New York, we started to grow apart. We would see each other 10 days in a month. The problem he was facing was taking a toll on him and although there were brief moments where he would confide in me about it, generally, it was very hard for me to ask questions. I felt as though I was intruding on something that was really big. The last blow was the emergence of another love interest in his life. This discovery made the union ever so much more intolerable."
Eventually, Ayen started longing for her homeland. She asked permission to visit the Philippines and while vacationing, came to realize that she was happiest amongst her friends and family.
"A year before the divorce proceedings I already communicated my unhappiness and my desire to separate. At first he thought that it was just a phase that I was going through. But eventually, when he realized that I truly wanted to be free, he did not give me a hard time. The divorce only took four months from the time it was petitioned."
The decision to separate was not an easy one. Even after the divorce was finalized, Ayen could not say she no longer loved the Prince. But the realization that she could not live under the unnatural conditions that she had previously found herself in steeled her resolve to seek what she considered to be "a better, more peaceful life." "More than anything, I wanted a conventional family. I wanted someone who was there as father and husband. I wanted someone who I knew would be with me in the day and be beside me at night; during the latter part of my marriage with the Prince, this was no longer the case. It came to the point that during the few times I would be sleeping with him, it felt like sleeping with a stranger. I was not allowed to talk about my feelings, I did not know who I was any more. I am a person who is very expressive and I was forced to suppress this part of me."
"I am so blessed to have had a supportive family. My parents and siblings were very concerned about me during the time I was going through a difficult time in my marriage. They just wanted me to be happy and they would even cry for me if they knew I was in pain. My father would always ask me if I was OK. He would not even ask me if I was happy because the whole family knew that I was not."
Today, Ayen has moved on. She has married her best friend and fellow artist Franco Laurel and is three and a half months pregnant with their first child. Handsome, boyish, friendly and wonderfully talented, Franco is the embodiment of father, husband and friend to Ayen, Hasan and Ayen’s older child Mariella. The decision to renounce the life of royalty, wealth and influence was not a difficult one because as early as the second year of marriage it had become clear to her that worldly power was not synonymous to inner happiness. Ayen’s staunch maintenance of her Christian faith and her devotion to prayers for guidance and enlightenment had cleared the way for what she happily believes to be a contented and far more secure future. By all accounts it appears as though she now has the stable family that she has long prayed for.
As the interview ensues, the young and bright-eyed Prince Hasan rushes into the room donning a white sleeveless cotton T-shirt and short pants, running quickly behind him in a similar outfit is a visiting cousin–each boy laughing and carefree–a picture of simple childhood happiness.
"He is the spitting image of his father," Ayen shares. "My son speaks to his father every day. In our agreement, Hasan has to be with his father four times a year. This is perfectly fine with me as my ex-husband and I have maintained a good relationship. All in all, things have worked out."
"Hasan is of royal blood but he will not have to experience the restrictions that the other royal children have to undergo as he spends most of his time with me and Franco. As I have mentioned several times, in Brunei, the royal family is extremely restricted in their movements and speech. The older members believe that by birth right they are superior to everybody else. The younger ones are more exposed to Western media and influences and so they sense that something is missing in their lives. I do not want this for my son. I did not want this for me. That is why I chose to relinquish my status as a princess–in order to experience freedom, contentment and happiness."
Manila is unlike any other glorified barrios of the world when it comes to the making of a marital match. In the standard marriage scenario beautiful young women are psychologically and emotionally bludgeoned by their parents to "marry rich" in order to get ahead in life. Ayen Munji-Laurel has entered the halls of absolute material luxury and found it a cold and lonely place. Her realization that money and power do not buy happiness should read as a warning sign to the legions of social climbing, money hungry stage mothers who are reading this article right now. More praiseworthy is Ayen’s courage to turn her back on the trappings of royalty in order to embrace a life that would give her peace of mind and heart. Her faith in God has led her to a simpler, gentler state of existence. And seeing this, one can believe that she indeed, by her inner strength, faith and integrity, will truly live happily ever after!
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