How to rise strong
Brené Brown, a University of Houston professor blessed with six New York Times bestsellers, became more relevant when the pandemic happened. Brown called the coronavirus a lesson in collective vulnerability. Leadership, shame, and vulnerability became subjects of her research.
A quick search of the most popular TEDx talk of all time puts Brown in number five for her talk on “The Power of Vulnerability” way back in 2010. This specific video currently has over 61 million views.
Her bestselling books are The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving The Wilderness, Dare To Lead and Atlas of The Heart. Brown hoped that Atlas of The Heart, published just last November 2021, would help readers expand their emotional vocabulary and allow them to communicate their feelings.
“There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging, and the people who really struggle for it. And that the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging,” she said. “That’s it. They believe they’re worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we’re not worthy of connection. I took all the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.
“What they had in common was a sense of courage. Courage is from the Latin word ‘cor,’ meaning ‘heart.’ And the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.
“And the last was they had connection, and — this was the hard part — as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for the connection.
“The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn’t talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they talk about it being excruciating. They just talked about it being necessary.
“They talked about the willingness to say ‘I love you’ first, the willingness to do something when there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They’re willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out,” Brown said in that TEDx talk 13 years ago.
She said that during the pandemic, Mother Nature exposed us to the unknown and stripped us of the illusion of safety and happiness. We were locked in our homes, our habits and patterns derailed. Many underlying problems that we had ignored as nations and as a planet were exposed.
The pandemic allowed more people to rediscover Brown, her research, her talks, and her published books. We were personally and collectively vulnerable and people flocked to her for answers.
Yet, her research pointed to the same reality: we must accept and embrace the struggle. Despite the pain and anxiety, struggle is where we discover ourselves and start building lives that do not require hiding.
“Walking into our stories of hurt can feel dangerous,” Brown says. “But the process of regaining our footing in the midst of struggle is where our courage is tested and our values forged. Our stories of struggle can be big or small, but regardless of the magnitude or circumstance, the rising-strong process is the same: We reckon with our emotions and get curious about what we’re feeling; we rumble with our stories until we get to a place of truth; and we live this process, every day, until it becomes a practice and creates nothing short of a revolution in our lives. Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness. It’s the process that teaches us the most about who we are.”
We are past the three-year mark of an unexpected global pandemic that shook our core. The realities that are told in the published books of Brown inspire us in how we navigate back to our steady course. This poem of hers in the book Rising Strong published 13 years ago echoes the realities of pandemic-scarred individuals who flourished emotionally, spiritually and mentally despite the crisis.
Manifesto of the brave and broken-hearted:
There is no greater threat to the critics and cynics and fearmongers than those of us who are willing to fall because we have learned how to rise.
With skinned knees and bruised hearts; we choose owning our stories of struggle, over hiding, over hustling, over pretending.
When we deny our stories, they define us.
When we run from struggle, we are never free.
So we turn toward truth and look it in the eye.
We will not be characters in our stories.
Not villains, not victims, not even heroes.
We are the authors of our lives.
We write our own daring endings.
We craft love from heartbreak, compassion from shame, grace from disappointment, courage from failure.
Showing up is our power. Story is our way home.
Truth is our song.
We are the brave and brokenhearted.
We are rising strong.
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