Loveless and lonely

You sit wondering why you are alone and loveless. Your friend, who isn’t nearly half as good-looking or witty as you, has been scoring rather triumphantly, parading around his/her love-struck conquests. Not only are you loveless and alone, you actually feel unloved and lonely. And to add insult to injury, it’s nearing Valentine’s Day.

Here’s a scary piece of truth for those who already have a significant other: You could be in a relationship or even be married, yet still be loveless and lonely. Ouch! Of course, you know what I mean, especially those whose Mr. or Ms. Right has dwindled into Mr. or Mrs. Wrong. They say you’ll never know true loneliness until you become lonely in the company of two.

Oh dear, what could be the reason(s) that you are loveless and lonely? Check out this list and find out what you could be doing or thinking wrong. It could be that:

• You are negative. You could be one of those people who are so negative that others get repelled even if you are a mile away. Do you have many fears and insecurities? Do you have a chip on your shoulder or are you carrying grave emotional baggage? Are you dark and brooding, with a despicably revolting attitude? People can sense negativity. To be attractive and lovable, you must learn to be positive and pleasant.

• You have low self-esteem and self-confidence. Thinking lowly of yourself will not help you win in the battle of love. If you keep conditioning your mind that no one will fall in love with you, no one will. If you consider yourself undeserving of love and blessings, you won’t be blessed. Build up your self-confidence; people are magnetized to those who are self-assured and secure.

• You are too self-centered. This is the other extreme that you must avoid. Are you too full of yourself, thinking that no one is good enough for you? Are your walls too hard to penetrate, or are you perched way high up your ivory tower? Are you proud, pompous, narcissistic, and egotistic, belittling everyone else? Thinking too highly of yourself is a great turnoff. Focus your attention on others and get them to love you.

• You don’t know what you want. Many people don’t have an idea of who and what their ideal love is, so finding the right person is hard. For, indeed, how could you find something or someone you have no idea about? Do this exercise: Write down 10 specifics you want the love of your life to have (how he/she will look, height, age range, profession, characteristics, etc.). Picture him/her in your mind’s eye and visualize him/her coming into your life.

• You may be physically unattractive. You may look odd and not know it. Ask your closest friends what they think is wrong with your looks. Maybe straightening up your posture or getting a haircut or a new hairdo would do the trick. Be neat, exercise, and practice good hygiene. Go to the dermatologist to clear your pimples and skin blemishes. Clean, clear skin is very sexy! If you are caught in fashion limbo, update your look by getting new clothes and accessories. Always look good and flash your most dazzling, disarming smile!

• You are not lovable enough. The most desirable people are those who are attractive and lovable. Start with a kind, loving heart, and a sincere concern for others. You must radiate love in order to attract love. A charming personality and a wonderful openness make you lovable. Wisdom, success, and money can be very sexy, too. But most of all, be romantic. Like playing the violin, practice helps perfect your love techniques to make you a romantic virtuoso.

• You are a stiff. Are you priggish, a prude, a killjoy? A no-fun goody-two-shoes? Loosen up a bit. Sometimes it takes some kind of naughtiness, an adventurous devil-may-care attitude to get into the playful swing of love and romance. Be more fun, ebullient, and open. Have a bright sense of humor and a lighter attitude towards life. Be sexy. Learn how to flirt and lessen your inhibitions.

• You are afraid to fall in love. A lot of people are actually afraid to fall in love; perhaps you, too, are. Maybe you’ve been hurt before; maybe you are still in love with your ex. It’s time to let go of past lovers, unpleasant memories, unfounded fears, and biased opinions. Make room for someone new and get ready to open a brand-new chapter in your life. Next time you meet someone you really like, show that you are attracted. Don’t hold back. Love begins with one hello.

• You are afraid to make a commitment. If you are one of those who seem to be complete and are destined to go at life alone, then bless your soul, nothing wrong with that. If, however, you need someone to go through life with, you will inevitably have to make a commitment to be faithful and true. Love comes with a catch; you win a heart but lose some privileges. If you are not willing to commit, then it is not yet time to be truly in love.

• You don’t make time for love. Many people have successful careers but are complete failures in their love life. Aim for a good balance if you value emotional happiness. You must make time for love. Socialize, get to know new people, do the rounds of the bars, attend events. Realize that Mr. or Ms. Right won’t come knocking at your door or fall onto your lap; that only happens in the movies.

• You are a perfectionist. Love may seem perfect because love is blind and thus, lovers cannot see. Until everyday reality creeps in and you begin to see the flaws. If you want your relationship to be ideal, you will have to work at it. It will take the determination and cooperation of two people to keep love alive. Be realistic, there is no perfect love. Even having Brad Pitt isn’t perfect.

• You smell. If everything seems to be in order and you still don’t know why you are loveless and lonely, check the final reality frontier: You may stink. Check if you have bad breath, excessive underarm odor, or smelly feet. Remember, anything malodorous and offensive to the sense of smell (including too much cologne!) is a turnoff. Always smell fresh and sweet, and wonderfully nice to be near.

* * *

For your comments, e-mail deroseminar@yahoo.com. Try to catch the feel-good romantic comedy “The Holiday,” starring Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet. It’s a perfect date movie! And don’t miss these great performers who are in town to set your heart aflutter this Valentine’s: Cliff Richards, Rupert Holmes, Dennis Lambert, and Paul Williams. Check the papers for show schedules.