What makes a man sexy – now

Hipbones must really be the new abs, judging from all the men’s underwear and jeans billboards that assault your pre-caffeine-induced consciousness daily on your morning drive to work. Whether it’s the sneakers- and tighty whities-clad Pinoy Big Brother finalist swinging atop a giant disco mirror ball, or the heavenly resurrection of the once-forgotten TGIS member almost sporting just a glowing white halo, or even that other PBB evictee posing as a construction worker hanging precariously from a rocky mountain wearing nothing but briefs and a harness, there’s no escaping their hipbones oozing out of the low, low waistbands of these paragons of anatomical virtue.

If in the ’90s the hallmark of male desirability was six-pack Marky Mark washboard abs; in the ’80s, Schwarzenegger-esque biceps; and in the ’70s, a hairy chest a la Cosmopolitan’s first male centerfold Burt Reynolds, this millennium’s happy trail leads us down south, then left, and right, to the nether region of the protruding pelvic pair.

While I was editor of Cosmo Philippines, the specs for stylists for the magazine’s back-page Hunk of the Month were clear: we worshipped at the temple of the hipbone; ergo, in no way was the new counterpart of the female cleavage to be sheathed, but instead exposed, exhibited, and shared generously with the world. I constantly chided our art director, who clearly had no interest in men whatsoever, for her penchant for cropping out that most vital area that elicited shrieks of "Yummy!" from thrilled readers.

"It’s the gateway to the more important parts," explains Anna Kay, a writer who, needless to say, has been joined at the hip for three years to a godlike specimen with such assets, among others.

"Oh, my God, snake hips are the best," drools college professor Paulette, who’s been christened "Demi Goddess" by her gaggle of girlfriends for having recently snagged Kerwin, an Ashton-type hottie seven years her junior. "They’re the sexiest part of a man’s naked body. I love it when they peek out of a man’s jeans."

In the last few years, fashion trends in jeans have pushed the waistline down, as low as legally possible, shifting erogenous zones to this part. Frances, another writer, spells it out: "They offer a promise – the promise of sex." Annabelle, a fashion editor, says, "For hipbones to show, a guy has to work out, which means his body is chiseled in other ways. You can’t have a big tummy and also have hipbones." Photographer Sara, who’s captured the beauty of many a hipbone in her line of work, explains: "A great body shows he has high respect for himself. Striving towards the most perfect self you can be, even if it’s just external, is something to be admired."

Yes, the tables have been turned, and there’s a reason. The shameless objectification of the male physique in advertising and media has come about with the rise of women’s economic power. What women once could only admire in men, they now do themselves: Women run companies, even countries, fly planes and space shuttles, and yes, work their bodies to a frenzy. Now that they can do and buy anything they want, why shouldn’t they demand a perfect body the way men have required it of them for years?

With women thinking this way, is it any wonder gym memberships are at an all-time high? Men everywhere are scrambling to get the "killer bod" that seems to be a necessity these days in order to score with chicks. But does it really matter that much to the majority of women?

Ask any man what’s sexy in a woman and you’re likely to get a typical rundown of body parts: "Big boobs," " a nice butt," " long legs," "long hair," "a flat stomach." Interestingly, a casual survey I took among 50 women elicited only three responses that named a body part: "nice ass," "broad shoulders," and "high cheekbones." Either they assumed that it goes without saying that a great body is sexy, or it only proves that women are less turned on by visual impressions than men. If one’s sex appeal is an estimate of how other people perceive you to be sexually or what they think it might be like to be with you sexually, it seems that sexy body parts are just not enough material for women to comprise a sexual fantasy. Maybe this explains the difference in men’s and women’s pornography – men can get off on a whole lot less, while women need an enticing plot, characterization, dialogue – a whole scenario that carefully builds up to the, ahem, climax.

In reality, imperfection is definitely no obstacle to what a woman considers sexy. Baldness, beer bellies, even age spots seem to be no deterrent to what turns a woman on. For women, there’s more to sexiness than meets the eye. That’s why Jack Nicholson is considered a sex symbol, but not Dame Judi Dench. And how else can you explain the way anti-hunks like Dolphy, Joey Marquez and Vhong Navarro have with women? Dolphy’s success with the ladies, bombilya rumors aside, is legendary. Naturally, it must have something to do with being able to make them laugh, but his mate Zsa Zsa Padilla, 35 years younger, adds, "He’s an excellent dresser, but his gentle, down-to-earth qualities were what attracted me to him the most." An extremely smart publishing executive who was utterly charmed by Joey Marquez upon meeting him attests, "He’s so entertaining, always in a good mood, game for anything. He’s a good listener and so nice to talk to, as opposed to hunkier types who tend to steer the conversation so that the focus is on themselves." Vhong Navarro’s girlfriend used to be FHM sexpot Diana Zubiri. Enough said.

Today’s criteria for what makes a man sexy isn’t quite so cut-and-dried anymore.

Sexiness is an amalgam of qualities that comprise a total package. "Confidence like Clooney’s, humor like Hanks, compassion like Bono," says Marian, a marketing consultant. "Intelligent but not nerdy, has a sense of humor but is not obnoxious, confident but not arrogant, attractive but not full of himself, sporty but not just a dumb jock, " says Cheese, a successful entrepreneur. Being a sexy man can be quite complicated. Here’s a selection of qualities that seem to do the trick these days.

ANGAS. More than just confidence, angas, which I will attempt to translate into English as being cock-sure, being so confidently self-assured to the point of an attractive sort of arrogance, can turn the most steadfast of female knees to jelly. Angas connotes a commanding vibe, an effortless, sexy swagger. A man with angas has no need to prove himself. "Nothing’s sexier than a man who is totally secure with himself," says Claire, an editor married for 10 years to an engineer. "Initially, I find a bit of arrogance and cockiness sexy – I can’t resist a man who ignores me!" says freelance fashion stylist Donna."But in the long run, it’s still intelligence and a sense of humor," she clarifies.

"It’s attitude minus the attitude," says Sharon, a fashion store owner. A decade later, DJ Alvaro’s song Maginoo, Pero Medyo Bastos still resonates strongly with Pinays.

LACK OF SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS. Contrary to angas, a man is also sexy when he doesn’t know that he is. "When he’s just himself and not pretending to be someone else, when he can admit his weaknesses and shortcomings," admits beauty expert Marvi, recently separated from a man who couldn’t. Monica, an actress/commercial model currently in an intense relationship with a rocker/VJ, finds men sexy "when they’re totally into what they’re doing. This is when they’re completely not self-conscious," she explains. "Men are sexy when they’re uninhibited, when they don’t mind making fun of themselves because they’re secure," says makeup artist Ria. When he can laugh at himself and at the silliest, most ridiculous things, volunteered even more women.

QUEER EYE, BUT A STRAIGHT GUY. If he’s almost a Fab Five fellow but you’re certain he’s not gay (difficult to detect on one’s gaydar these days), and as long as it isn’t taken to the point of obsession, excellent taste in everything from fashion, to food, to flowers, can be irresistible. Especially if he can cook – or at least take you out to good restaurants, says Leah, a bridal coordinator. "Food and wine are sexy, so a man who appreciates good food and good wine is sexy," she says. Good manners, a well-groomed, a well-dressed appearance, an aura of sophistication without braggadocio never hurt.

FOCUSED PURSUIT. He keeps his eye on the prize, and surprise, you’re the prize.

"He’s very up-front about wanting you and has no qualms about telling you about it," says Heidi, a restaurateur. "He makes you feel like you’re the only person in the room," says Astrud, a retailer. You always have his undivided attention. Even in a place jam-packed with the sexiest and most beautiful women, his stare is so locked on you that you keep looking behind you. He actually asks you questions about yourself – about your family, childhood, beliefs and dreams, completely fascinated by what you have to say. "Assuming he’s my type, a man’s determination in pursuing me is very sexy," says Richie, a fashion designer. Whether it’s just for show or not, the public display of his pursuit for you can be irresistible. "He isn’t afraid of talking to a girl he likes and asking her out," says Liz, a media consultant. It seems basic, but apparently, these days, setups are more of the norm – Pinoy guys don’t really ask you out anymore but do it through common friends.

ATHLETIC ABILITY. "Having game is sexy," says Carol, who has worked with the sexiest men in town as managing editor of Men’s Health magazine. "Most professional athletes are more appealing than models, even if the latter are more conventionally handsome, because being good at sports requires mental as much as physical toughness. An active lifestyle makes any guy sexy – regular physical exertion naturally makes him look leaner, plus showing some competitive drive is always impressive. Also finding time to play and having a passion for something beyond the office makes him interesting."

MENTAL FOREPLAY. These days, sexiness requires more than just the usual answers like "intelligence" and "a sense of humor" – a man needs enough wit to learn the art of the comeback. A constant, playful exchange of wit, especially in this day and age of text messaging, is a necessity in building up the sexual tension. "A sense of humor is nice but wit assumes a certain degree of intelligence. It’s a killer combo," says Liz, a media consultant. Network executive Barbie’s killer combo: "Razor-sharp wit, out-of-his-way manners, and a fall-off-your-seat sense of humor."

MORALS. Sensitivity, is sexy, but not to the point of whiny helplessness that could be considered feminine. Masculinity, after all, is still what women want. So are inherent kindness, a good heart, the capacity to do good for others. "After being completely enslaved by the temptation of Bad Boys all my life with disastrous results, they no longer turn me on," says reformed codependent Myra. "Years of pain and therapy have changed my mind-set. Now only good boys turn me on. Only healthy relationships are sexy for me," she adds.

Needless to say, fidelity tops the list of requirements. "How can potential cheaters and liars be sexy?" asks Cristina, a model who’s been burned a few times, both by the experience of an incorrigible philandering father and a stream of cheating boyfriends. "A faithful man, or better yet, a man who has made a conscious decision he will be forever faithful to you, 1) has a strong sense of integrity and thinks for himself and will not be swayed by peer pressure; and 2) has probably experienced some form of infidelity either directly in his own relationships or in his childhood – and is aware of the pain it can cause, pain he will never inflict in you.

In fact, it wasn’t his dashing good looks, but "his decency and reliability" that turned family-planning advocate Lizzie Zobel on about her husband Jaime, considered very sexy by many women I know. Maka-laglag panty, my friend Robin used to say of JaZa. Robin might be shocked to know the newest incarnation of her term for sexy, which I just learned the other night while out with some girlfriends: it’s…

LSNT, which stands for Laki Siguro Ng T… Call it crass, but the bottom line is, we all have to admit that whether or not size matters, or whether the sexy man in question is in fact LSNT, even just the connotation of being well-endowed is extremely sexually appealing. "Where is the essence of masculine power distilled, if not in the penis?" reads a Psychology Today article called "The Beefcaking of America." "The penis is the visible badge of masculinity. If the ideal of the sublime, the majestic, the truly masculine resides in power, size, and the ability to attract women and make one’s mark on the world, no body part is more symbolic than the phallus. Popular culture, and pornography in particular, link penis size with male appeal."

At the very last minute, just before I was about to turn in this article, I got a text from my designer friend Kate: "There’s really nothing sexier than a guy who’s just so into you, if you know what I mean." Finally, after a phase in my life where I kissed my fair share of frogs and actually needed to devour volume upon volume of relationship self-help best-sellers like He’s Just Not That Into You, I know what she means. Excuse me while I take a sip out of the brown sugar-fresh basil-green lemon drink my man just prepared for me, in my kitchen. Like Paris Hilton now likes to say, "That’s sexy."