Trends that have to end (and some exceptions to the rule)

Remember when everyone wore shoulder pads and leggings forever and no end was in sight? Someone should’ve blown the whistle then and told everyone to stop.

Trends in Manila have a bad habit of overstaying like a pesky houseguest, until they recycle themselves and go back in style.

It is my humble opinion that there are trends so bad they have to end, but there are a few who can get away with murder.

I’ve asked a number of people in my address book to contribute to the list of fashion felonies, so don’t blame me if you’re guilty as charged.

Take note, all these don’t apply if:

a) you are Kate Moss, b) you are Bjork, c) you are Chloe Sevigny.

(Please bear in mind that these are not all my opinions; I’m just writing them here…)

Showbiz Sins

• The Tita Fanny Look. Burberry from head to toe. Guilty as charged: Me in my userpic. I’m changing my photo…

• Braces on adults. Guilty as charged: numerous actors on TV look really awful. I know it’s kind of mean (one assumes there was no budget at the time), but you should’ve worn those when you were a kid. Grade Four is a good age to start; high school, the latest.

• F4 gone wrong. Guilty as charged: Hero Angeles and that Chinese dude on Chow Time. Seriously, F4 looks good because Benny cuts their hair. If there is anyone in Manila who cuts like Benny, please let me know. I love those Asian layered cuts.

• The "I’m Rich" (a.k.a. Perenially Dressed for Black Tie). Guilty as charged: some members of showbiz wearing gowns and dripping jewelry in the middle of the day. Exception: Holly Golightly

• The Awards Night Look. Corset tops (especially in shantung silk with bad boning) during Famas, Urian, debut, binyagan, prom, etc. And "strapless corseted dresses for fear of getting the dreaded four-boob effect," says one editor. "You know how all the fat is squished above the corset so it looks like you have two extra boobs? When it isn’t well-made or is ill-fitting, trust me, even the thinnest women get them."

"Corsets and its permutations have been around for ages, but no matter how much we hate it, it makes us a lot of money!" said one designer.

• The Porn-Star Look at awards shows. The most bizarre cut of clingy gowns with boobs all over the place. The look is bastos and lacking of attention. In this case, less is not more.

• The Mr. Clean Look. Bald head, earring, and sleeveless white outfits, or hip-hop duds for skinny Pinoys.

Guilty as charged: Jay-R

• The Pinoy Showbiz Guy Look. It’s all about the earrings. I don’t understand why Pinoy showbiz men have to have one or more earrings. Sometimes I find them really cute and then the earrings just ruin everything. It’s so unnecessary. If they really like the earring, they should at least remove them for certain roles. Between loops and studs, though, a friend and I agreed that studs are more acceptable.

Exception to the rule: Justin Timberlake

• The Spastic Look. Guilty as charged: Ryan Agoncillo. Someone get him a stylist! (Sorry, Judy Ann…)

Mainstream Mistakes

• Bodyfit stuff (a.k.a. The Chiminy Cricket Look). The Japanese have known it all along: it’s time to let go of that Divi look with the tight little top that looks like children’s wear, and the skinny bell-bottoms. It just screams day-off!

• Baller bracelets and Livestrong bands. A sure sign that you’re mainstream, which totally bugs me. Here’s a hint: when the jologs catch on, it’s probably a good time to quit.

• The Mercury Drug Look (a.k.a. the Shampoo Commercial look). Salesladies at a certain Mercury Drug can’t help but aspire to the long, silky-smooth hair portrayed in every local shampoo ad. They also can’t help that some of them have a really native face. I blame the ad agencies who can’t think of selling shampoo using a different hairstyle!

• PNP Syndrome (a.k.a. Pangit na Paa Syndrome). I really envy people with pretty feet! I would wear Havaianas all the time if I thought no one was looking. Because of my own insecurity I can’t help but look at toes–in magazines, malls, while waiting at the bank…I once sat next to a pretty actress and her unsightly mom on a flight to Tokyo. When the mom put her feet up on the bulkhead, I couldn’t help but stare at her feet: her toenails were so long, her feet looked like hands! Thank God it was a four-hour flight.

• The Greenbelt Look. I have no idea what this is since I don’t go to Greenbelt. But a friend says it’s "when you’re trying hard to look like a socialite but end up looking like a young matrona." Think kili-kili bag and miniskirt, or low-slung jeans paired with caftan-esque blouses and pointed shoes.

• Plastic bra straps. What’s the point when there are strapless bras – hello?

• Bad nude pantyhose. So bad, your legs look jaundiced. Seen on department-store salesladies and Sex Bomb dancers.

• Headband and ponytail together. Guilty as charged: me on a bad-hair day. Also seen on classmates you never spoke to.

• Shan Çai Look. When grownups wear T-shirts with characters. Not cute. Seen on Meteor Garden’s Barbie Hsu character.

• Platform flip-flops. It’s just so wrong…

• Friendster tees. As jologs as Friendster itself.

• Fake duds from tiangges. I resent fake duds from tiangges because it makes my stuff look fake, especially when I’m in the tiangge.

The Trendoids

• The Balenciaga bag. What’s the point? Everybody has one. Enough na.

• Over-the-top, over-accessorizing. This is where the wearer believes that more is more, where accessories and layers of everything are piled upon each other in one go.

Exception to the rule: Anna Piaggi

• Joan Jett hair. Seen on some notorious rumor-mongering fashionistas.

Exception to the rule: Joan Jett

• The Polo Club Look. Usually a while polo shirt with the collar up. This bugs me to death because the wearer looks mayabang.

It also reminds me of Tivoli Bubbles.

• "Shining through." This is not a pitch for Philippine Airlines, but a reference to black tops with a white satin bra underneath, or the reverse: a white top with black bra underneath.

Exception: Mary-Kate Olsen because she’s chica.

• Toe rings. Kainis. I don’t get them, but a friend insists they’re okay if you have nice feet.

• French tips on toes. I don’t get them either, but a friend says they’re okay if you have nice feet.

• Navel jewelry. Not even Janet Jackson can convince me they’re cool. Putting a stone in one’s navel reminds me of a naughty uncle who told me the navel is a convenient container of salt while you’re lying down eating balut. It brings back icky mental pictures.

• Chunky Harajuku platforms. Guilty as charged: me! As one Chicago song goes: "You’re a hard habit to break…" After many years of trying to look taller for tall men, I realized, what the hell, I’m married to one! I’ve decided to accept my height and shift to Converse, which I wore 20 years ago.

About The Guys

• Chinelas on guys with caftans. Usually an all-white outfit paired with leather thongs. A stylist friend says, "It’s so gay, even gays shouldn’t wear it."

• Sandals with socks. Which is the lesser evil: sandals with socks or sandals with no socks and ugly feet?

• Baby tees for men (or muscle shirts). A friend says: "It’s so Malate club queen 1992. So unsexy, unless you’re really lean and good-looking."

Exception to the rule: Corey Willis

• The Wack Wack Golf Club Look. I used to see this during Mass: a rich man’s version of the Rico J. look–golf shirt, Bermuda shorts, leather shoes, and just a tan line for socks.

• The Elmer Fudd Look. Adults wearing shirts with embroidered characters fanning out from the pocket. I-garage sale na yan!