When he’s 54 and she’s 24
DEAR EPPY,
I got into a romantic relationship with a girl 30 years my junior. We met last September. We were madly in love at the start. She liked spending time with me as much as I liked spending time with her. But a few weeks ago, everything changed. I noticed she was beginning to turn cold towards me. This was true especially in our work place.
First thing in the morning before anything else, I always tell her that she looks beautiful. I make sure she has good food to eat during lunch, etc. In short, I spoil her to the best of my capacity. Do girls in their early 20s really get “bored” that quickly? What can I do to bring back her old burning flame?
Single & mature lover
DEAR SINGLE & MATURE LOVER,
With what you have said so far, you seem to say young girls have problems. No, they don’t have a problem. Sometimes, the problem stems from the generation gap between two people. Honestly? I think your age gap is beyond father and daughter. The difference is so huge that it’s almost like grandfather and granddaughter. That’s two generations apart.
Let me elaborate on this generation gap issue. If you are 30 years older than the woman in her early 20s, I can assume then that she is 24 years old, more or less, and you are 54 years old. Your generation was the generation who had parents who told their children that they should be seen, not heard. Your generation was the generation that was not allowed to express their feelings. Your parents were “I” centered, and children’s needs were secondary to their needs. Therefore, if they were doing something for their children, it was not because the children needed it. Rather, it was the parents who needed to feel better about themselves, thinking what they were doing would be good for the child.
The generation of your girlfriend, on the other hand, has different parents. They feel for their children. So, the younger adults of today are aware of their rights. They are also very much aware when people become manipulative. They are in touch with their feelings and are articulate in describing these feelings.
Then, you were raised by people who thought they knew better than you about you. As a result, you were never that sure about what you wanted. But you knew what you should do for people. Then you meet a girl who knows what she wants and what she does not want. The friction starts when you think it’s time for her to eat. You tell her when it’s time to sleep. You think by doing this, she feels that you care so much for her.
Wrong. She thinks you are manipulative and are a controlling person. Your letter was short, but it gave so many hints. Chances are, she feels you are abusive. But you think her feelings are fleeting and that she gets easily bored while she thinks you are an abusive old person.
No. I don’t think young people get bored easily. What I think is that young people should relate with other young people because the moment they relate with much older people, they end up being told what to do. In the end, young people with much older people as partners will be stifled and will not be able to live life to the fullest. Much older people will stop them from experiencing things that they need to experience to learn new things. Much older people have less energy and would prefer to stay home, forcing their younger partners to let life pass them by.
If you really love this “girl,” I suggest for you to leave her be and let her live her life. Take pity on her. Stop telling her to eat when she’s not hungry, telling her to rest when she’s not tired, and so on.
Or the explanation can be plain and simple. Maybe someone told her that going out with a 50-year-old man is not wise and gave her a litany of whys. She might have realized it and felt ashamed of what she was doing. EPPY
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Email eppygochangco@gmail.com.
