The manual vs. computerized office

Dear Nanay,
My wife and I own a bakeshop with three branches. Our son, who recently graduated, has joined us in the company and insists that we should computerize. Neither my wife nor I really understand much about computers and we have been quite successful with doing everything manually. However, we also realize that this is the wave of the future. Should we computerize our store?
– Ronnie

Dear Ronnie,
A number of years ago, I had exactly the same problem you have today. We needed to decide whether we would computerize National Book Store. At first, I was resisting the computerization. Why? Kasi mahal! (Because it’s expensive!) But my children insisted that we needed to make the investment because there were too many branches to still do everything manually. So I finally agreed.

If you only have a small business, you can make do with doing everything manually. When we were just starting, we used 3x4 stock cards for all the inventory. Sabagay wala pa yatang computers nung panahong iyon. (I don’t think there were any computers back then.) This might work if you only have two or three outlets. But when you get bigger, the only way you can stay in touch with your outlets is if you computerize. This is especially true if you have branches in the province or ones that are far from your home office. In that case, you have no choice anymore.

For you, if you intend to have more outlets than your current three branches, I think you will need to seriously consider computerizing your operations. If not, you will have a hard time expanding and keeping track of what is going on in all your stores.

Sincerely,
Nanay

* * * When Virtual Turns Marital

Dear Nanay,
I recently met an Australian in an Internet chat room. After several months of chatting, he decided to visit me here in Manila. He met my family and we spent about two weeks together here and in Boracay. Before he went back to Australia, he asked me to marry him. He seems like a good man but I will have to live in Melbourne and am not sure if I want to marry someone I barely know. What do I do?
– Pam

Dear Pam,
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko talaga maintindihan iyang chat na iyan. Eh, hindi mo naman kilala yung kausap mo! Bakit kayo maguusap? Iba talaga kayong mga kabataan ngayon! (To be honest, I really don’t understand all this chat stuff. You don’t even know who you’re talking to! Why even chat? You kids today are really different!)

I know of a number of people who have met their husbands or wives over the Internet. And like everyone else, some of the marriages work and some do not. The reason you have to be more careful than normal is because you don’t really know how much of what he is saying is true. It is good that he visited you here in Manila, because the time you spent together should give you and your family a better idea of what he is really like. But if I were you, if possible, I would take the chance to also meet his family and his friends. Maybe it is your turn to visit him in Australia.

Even if you only spend one week there, it will give you the opportunity to get to know his family and some of his background. Can he really support your family? What is his background? What does he really do for a living? It gives you a chance to find out if everything he says is true. The more you know about him, the better equipped you will be to make a good decision.

Do not misunderstand me. It is not that you should not trust him. But anytime you are talking about marrying someone, especially in a case like this, it is always good to err on the side of prudence. Mahirap nang umatras pag kasal na kayo. (It will be hard to back out once you’re already married.)

Sincerely,
Nanay

* * * Torn Between Two Brothers

Dear Nanay,
I have two sons. The girlfriend of the elder one lives with us — with my consent — because her family is in the province. My two sons recently had an argument and the girl sided with my younger son, so my elder son is very upset. There is now chaos in the house. Reconciliation seems to be out of the question. I have offered to pay for an apartment for the girl or for my younger son just so we can have peace in the house, but neither wants to take it. How do I solve this situation?
– Maria

Dear Maria,
Assuming that all efforts at reconciliation have been exhausted, it sounds like you are at an impasse and since nobody seems to want to listen to you, I think it is appropriate for you to lay down the law. It is time for you to say "My house… my rules."

Having said that, you should then give the apartment to the girl. Don’t leave her or either of your sons a choice. Just explain to them that first of all something needs to be done because there is chaos in the household. And whether they like it or not, family will always have to come first. Although the girl sounds like she is, as they say, "part of the family," until she is actually married to your son, she is still only a guest in the family home.

If you will be paying for the apartment, I doubt that your elder son or his girlfriend can really complain. After all, they will get even more privacy in the apartment rather than in your house where other people also live. They can just visit each other as often as they like.

I think this is the best arrangement you can have that will save the two brothers from fighting. Unfortunately, you have to remove the source of their conflict in order to keep the family whole. And in the future, when tempers have cooled off and the anger has died down, maybe — just maybe — you can consider welcoming the girl back into your home.

Sincerely,
Nanay

* * * A Very Long Engagement

Dear Nanay,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years now and we really love each other. How long should we wait before we get married?
– Marielle

Dear Marielle,
I don’t know if I am the right person to ask this question because I basically ran away with my late husband to get married. But because we loved each other, the marriage lasted the rest of our lives until he passed away some years ago.

Five years is a long time to date. I am sure you now know each other very well and deep down inside you already know if you will be good for each other as husband and wife. Sa limang taong pagsasama, kilala na ninyo ang ugali ng isa’t isa. (After five years together, you already know each other’s personality.)

I might be old-fashioned, but I still believe it should be the man who proposes to the woman. But I am also aware that it is the 21st century and that there are women who are the ones doing the proposing. So if he has not proposed to you yet and you are waiting, maybe you should at least start asking him about it already. That might be the urging he needs to get him to finally commit to your relationship.

If there is still no proposal, then maybe you should start thinking about your options. But if you really love each other and you know that you are right for each other, I am pretty sure that you will probably end up waiting.

But don’t wait for too long before getting married. I think the best incentive to not wait is so you can have children as early as possible. This will give you the opportunity to see them grow up. There is nothing like seeing your children graduate from school. That is one of those times when you know that you really did your duty as a parent. You will be so proud of them. And you will hopefully also get to see your grandchildren. Look at me. I am now able to enjoy my great-grandchildren and see them grow up. And I can see them at an age when I know that they will have memories of me even after I have moved on.

In many ways, marriage is a leap of faith. It is a more frightening prospect for some than for others. But at some point, you just have to believe in yourself and believe in each other.

Sincerely,
Nanay

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If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.