Enough!

Some women are fortunate to have happy marriages.

Others are not. Whether they come from the so-called de buena familia or a squatter area, are top executives or lavanderas, well-educated or illiterate, a lot of women have suffered untold mental, emotional and physical abuse from their spouses.

Still, some have the courage and fortitude to go on with life. Being single parents, these mothers try to raise their kids in the best way they can.

The following are the stories of three women in a bad relationship who knew when it was time to say, "Enough!"

The General’s Daughter

Though an only child, "Marissa" (not her real name) was never a brat. Armed with a master’s degree in international relations from an American university and certificates in the French language and cultural studies from schools in France, she excelled in diplomacy. She was described by former colleagues as one of the bright rising stars of the Department of Foreign Affairs until she got married in December 1987.

Marissa quit her job and joined her husband abroad. For the next 10 years, the couple lived in New York and Hong Kong. Since her husband’s work required him to travel frequently outside the country, Marissa was left at home, busy raising their two daughters and attending to other domestic needs. Theirs was the life of a normal expatriate family, comfortable and upwardly mobile.

At the end of 1997, Marissa felt something was not all that rosy on the domestic front. The once close ties between husband and wife were no longer there. Every time he came home from abroad, there seemed to be a growing distance between them. Then the anonymous letters started arriving, saying in effect that Marissa should leave the marriage when the love and affection of her husband were no longer there. Thinking they were from some pranksters, she even showed the letters to her husband.

There were other telltale signs that something was amiss. Being the one who packed and unpacked her husband’s clothes for his trips abroad, Marissa found articles inside the suitcase dealing with topics like waiting for a loved one, separation and taking leave of the conjugal home, like Divorce, Pinoy Style. Accounts reached her that she better be careful since her husband was already perceived in Manila as an eligible bachelor-to-be.

In 1998, husband and wife visited Manila for a look-see if they could settle here for good and work things out. Marissa, who was already several months pregnant with their third daughter, decided to stay put and set up a business with some friends.

The blow came one evening. Just a few months after giving birth and while preparing to retire for the evening, Marissa’s husband told her he would no longer come home to her. That was also the time the couple was undergoing counseling to save the marriage. Marissa wondered if the rumors linking her husband to another woman were true.

But no answers came her way except for occasional reports of sightings of her husband with another woman, a member of Manila’s alta sociedad. The woman allegedly said of Marissa, "She is just a general’s daughter while I belong to high society."

Rumor-mongers had a field day. Some even told Marissa that her mother-in-law was heard saying, "My son married beneath him." Of course, there was no way to prove the allegations. Meanwhile, her husband kept telling Marissa he did not want anything legal except a division of properties.

Marissa tried her best to shield her children from the heartaches brought about by the separation. The first child buried herself in her studies. It was the second one who experienced nightmares and tantrums. Consultations with a child psychologist revealed that the kids suffered triple traumas: new environment, new school and new family situation.

Right now, Marissa is slowly picking up the pieces. She’s working again and has been involved in projects that will allow her to put into good use her experience as a diplomat and educator. Before considering any job offers, she makes sure they will not take her away from her kids for a long time. Given everything else, her kids are the only things that matter to Marissa right now.

The Child Bride

Like a heroine of a telenovela, Lina’s story started in 1967 when she was used as "payment" for the cockfighting debts of her father to a 70-year-old man. She was only 12.

She was made the eighth wife of the copra farmer who earlier had "married" three other women with whom he had sired several children. Lina was just a live-in partner.

Coming from a poor family from Quezon’s Bondoc Peninsula, Lina did not attend school and could only write her name. She did not know a thing about family life except having babies and raising kids.

At first, the man treated Lina well until the babies started coming one after the other. She had her first baby, Diana, when she was barely 15 years old. Diana was followed by another girl and then twins (a boy and a girl).

Then the beatings started. For no reason at all, or when her husband got drunk, he would rant and rave that he could no longer afford to support the family. He would hit Lina and the kids with whatever was on hand. Never mind if it was a jungle bolo or a bamboo pole. The situation was aggravated when Lina’s father died and her mother moved in with them. They were all financially dependent on the old man.

When the cost of copra went down, Lina tried to augment the family income by selling kakanin and doing laundry for the neighbors. But whatever meager money she made only went to their everyday subsistence. They were not even enough pay for medicines when the kids were sick.

In addition, the other wives of the copra farmer tried to make life hell for Lina by accusing her of spending all the old man’s money. They thought that although he was already impoverished, he still had vast property holdings.

One morning in 1994, Lina and her brood were driven out of the house for no reason at all. She had no other recourse except to leave her kids with a sister and to try her luck in Manila.

Lina was in the city for only two months when she got a letter from her sister asking her to take her kids because being poor like her, the kids were a big drain on the latter’s finances.

On the day Lina fetched the children, a passing barangay tanod noticed the scars and bruises on Diana’s body. Diana had suffered a nervous breakdown because of the constant beatings she received from the father starting at a tender age. Investigations revealed that the old man caused all the body injuries. He was imprisoned for three months.

In Manila, Lina tried to feed her family by working as a housegirl, lavandera and occasionally, doing odd jobs like working as a cement-mixer in construction sites. Mother and children lived in a shack in the periphery of Multinational Village.

One day she met a guy working in a handicraft firm who introduced himself as a bachelor. Thinking that finally, here was a man ready to make an honest woman out of her, Lina consented to a live-in arrangement with the guy who promised her marriage.

The union lasted only for a few months. Lina became pregnant and when the so-called bachelor found out, he left in a hurry. A baby boy resulted from the relationship.

With an additional mouth to feed, Lina had no choice but to return to work as soon as possible. She didn’t mind the long hours of working in two different households per day. There were no weekends to speak of since she needed the money for house rent, food and kids’ education.

Nowadays if she has extra cash, Lina treats her children for a quick bite at the malls on weekends. But it is still back to work once they reach home. She would iron the clothes of her neighbors till 2 a.m. She says, "Sayang naman, ang mga plantsahin ko. Kikita rin ako ng pera diyan kapalit ng ginasta namin kanina."

In spite of the bad hand dealt her way, the girl from Quezon proved to be resilient and strong as seen in her pleasant disposition. She does not show any trace of bitterness at all. Lina proved to be a woman who knows how to handle life and be good at it.

The Executive

Luisa was only 24 years old when she married her live-in partner of one year in 1989. Prior to marriage, she worked as a secretary in an import-export firm but had to resign when she became pregnant. Because hers was a delicate pregnancy, the doctor advised her to have a complete bed rest.

Before the marriage, theirs was an ideal relationship with moonlight and roses and all that stuff. Little did Luisa know was that Mr. Nice Guy was an inveterate womanizer.

As newlyweds, money was tight. They decided to live with her parents to save on rent. An aunt of hers decided to help by employing the husband in an advertising firm when there was a vacancy in the broadcast department.

After giving birth to a son, Luisa went back to work immediately. Her husband proved to be good in his job and was soon promoted. When the money started coming in, Luisa noticed small changes here and there–how her husband became fastidious with his clothes and picky on places to go to.

In the succeeding years, fights would occur for no reason at all. Then all of a sudden, women would call her office and at home telling her that they were her husband’s new loves. They brazenly told her she had no right to hold on to her husband because he was tired of her. She even received death threats from some.

In 1994, the husband ran away with another woman and spent three weeks with her in Tagaytay. When Luisa tried contacting him, it was the other woman who answered the phone. She had the gall to tell Luisa not to worry since her husband would be back on so-so a date and time.

Luisa tried to keep from her parents all the bad things happening in her life by transferring to an apartment. At the same time, Luisa asked her husband to join her in a Marriage Encounter following the advice of friends who had undergone a similar crisis. He did for it a while but dropped out soon and went back to his old ways.

The things Luisa had hoped for did not come to pass. Her husband became more irresponsible. At times he would not go home for weeks and months without support for mother and son, leaving them to fend for themselves. Still, Luisa prayed for a miracle to save the marriage for the sake of their son, who wondered why his father was not like the other dads in nursery school who showed total devotion to their kids.

The youngest of three kids, Luisa had a happy childhood. She covered up for the shortcomings of her husband. She was both mother and father to her three-and-a-half-year-old son. One day, Luisa’s mother showed up at her apartment, told her to pack her things and go home. Luisa’s elder sister got wind of what was happening and informed their parents of her younger sister’s marital woes. From then on, mother and son lived with her parents. It was Luisa’s dad who shouldered her son’s education. It was a big blow to the son when Luisa’s father passed away last year.

In school, when the boy was around seven years old, the guidance counselor had to call for Luisa to ask what was wrong with the boy who had been isolating himself and did not participate in school activities. Both mother and son had to undergo counseling to solve the problems of the single parent and the boy looking for a dad.

Finally, Luisa got around to tying up the loose ends of her failed marriage. She sued for child support, which was settled out of court. She is now saving money to pay for annulment proceedings.

There are countless women who have undergone the pains of separation, abandonment and marriage annulments. In spite of all the odds, these single parents have shown the world that whatever the circumstances are, they can take on the many challenges of life–closing chapters and opening new doors.

They know when enough is enough.

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(In the Philippines there are over 800,000 annulment cases pending in court. Some have been awaiting resolution for more than 17 years. Last year, mediation has been tried by Supreme Court Chief Justice Hilario Davide together with the Department of Social Welfare and Development to unclog the courts of cases involving marriage annulment, custody and child support. There are now numerous non-government organizations providing counseling and legal advice to women wanting to get out of dead-end relationships).