Here’s to the new you

There comes a point in a woman’s life when, seeing the horizon of her midlife (read: late thirties) she comes upon a fork in the road. The direction she takes will decide the fate of how she handles herself in the next decade or so. Sometimes, such a fork doesn’t even come at midlife but is brutally brought before a woman when faced with a husband whose eyes begin to rove. (Hey, this can be at any age!)

Here is a tale of two women. One named Bing who we can call a late bloomer. Shy and withdrawn, she grew up in the traditional and conservative mode and is a proper lady. One day, after keeping house and being a loving mommy, she looked at her sons and was inspired by them. This was the turning point for her as she followed the guiding thought that she wanted her young sons to look back at their youth and remember their mommy as a vibrant, sexy, nurturing woman.

Dieting herself to a svelte figure, she took pains with her makeup and started to wear clingy, yet tasteful clothes. Bing became more exciting and fun as a person. Her husband loved her change too, and gamely allowed her the freedom to develop a new circle of friends (both male and female), go off to cocktails and dinners and enjoy herself. Today, Bing has moved to a new phase of her life as a working mom, juggling a house, family and enjoying the new challenges and professional relationships that a career is bringing her.

Then here is Norma, married to her high school sweetheart. She is the epitome of the successful corporate woman because of her intelligence and skill. She continues to make more money than her husband, while likewise mothering the kids and keeping house. Superwoman. Norma looks and dresses exactly as she did when she was in high school and has allowed herself to gain a little weight.

She recently came upon a fork in her life when her marriage began to shake and her middle-aged husband is starting to look at other women. Bothered, she is now trying to lose weight but is too conservative to try anything that would make her look alluring. She can’t even get to the level of owning a new hairstyle, let alone change her wardrobe. She balks at trying to revitalize their sex life or buy some sexy lingerie because of her religious upbringing. Norma is on her way to becoming a martyr for the cause of tradition, while nursing inner fears of losing her husband to another woman. Her self esteem is suffering as she keeps to her comfort zone of the successful corporate "masculine" woman. I think we all know where her story will go if she stays in her comfort zone.

Daily, each of us has the opportunity to constantly re-invent ourselves and bring forth something new. This is what growth is all about. It begins with the shifting of the mind towards a relationship with ourselves and the need to meet or know our sub-personalities: the nurturer, the child, the adventurer, the virgin, the whore, the male in us, the artist-gypsy and many more. Our self-interest, curiosity and inquiry of our many sub-selves to emerge may be a delightful quest for a lifetime. The inner changes will sooner or later manifest in our physical appearance and demeanor.

In our time and age, when beauty products abound, where mass media bombard us with tips and processes at beauty enhancing options–we should be wise to take what we need for our physical enhancement. This wisdom should include the work-out of our inner world that will allow us to come up with a whole new complete package that speaks only of self-growth.

If you ask me where to start to turn over that new leaf, I would tell you to take it a step at a time. The changes begin in small ways. Do something you’ve never done before. Never had lunch or dinner in a nice restaurant alone? Try it. You won’t die. Never bought anything beyond beige or black clothes with an occasional touch of red? Grab a tangerine or fuchsia outfit from the rack. Always comfortable with that office jacket to hide your bulges? Ditch it for a shawl. Never treated yourself to a sensual spa and massage experience? Come on, you deserve it. Never did something your mom would freak out if she heard you did? Do it anyway, (but be aware of consequences!) Feel guilty when you go off for a whole day by yourself, leaving husband and kids to fend for themselves? Do it anyway for your own inner sanity. Never sat in silence in a zen meditation room or danced in ritual with some indigenous people? Try it, the Catholic Church won’t excommunicate you.

The new you is formed by taking small daring steps towards expanding your understanding of yourself, breaking boundaries and going beyond your comfort zone. These boundaries are identified by paranoia and fear. These boundaries are often traditional thought systems handed down to you by family, clan, school and church. At the inner sanctum of your mind, ask yourself: Are these thoughts truly my own?

The new you is shifting your glance towards your own well-being and happiness, reclaiming that part of you beyond the husband and the children. In time, you will see that the changes inside you, are reflected outside. And the result will be positive, lively, happy changes in your personal, family and professional life.