Do mistresses have etiquette? Asawa Mo, Asawa Ko

The family of somebody close to me was ruined beyond repair by a mistress. For 25 years, the poor wife suffered in silence, dying more of a broken heart than of the cancer that hit her, while her bastard husband clandestinely divided his time between his legitimate family and the other one.

I wonder, is a similar story included in Star Cinema’s Etiquette For Mistresses (Inspired by Jullie Yap-Daza’s book) which is opening nationwide on Wednesday, Sept. 30?

Directed by Chito Roño from a screenplay by Kriz Gazmen, the movie stars Kris Aquino, Iza Calzado, Claudine Barretto (on the comeback trail), Cheena Crab and Kim Chiu.

Of the five, it’s only Kris who bravely and honestly confessed that, yes, she experienced having been a mistress twice and a legally-wedded wife once.

A must-see for wives, mistresses and other lovers, Etiquette For Mistresses is set for showing abroad: Oct. 1 in the Middle East (UAE, Qatar, Bahrain, Oman and Kuwait); Oct. 2 in the US and Canada; Oct. 3 in London and the UK; Oct. 4 in Milan and Rome; and Oct. 3, 4 and 11 in Paris.

Have you read Jullie Yap Daza’s book?

Kris: I have browsed it before and what’s good about it is that it talks about reality. Reality na societal, ‘yung buong society covered. Maraming sitwasyon d’un na sasabihin mo “ay baka siya ‘yun” or “baka si ano ‘to.”

Iza: I haven’t gotten hold of a copy but my manager Noel Ferrer told me that he found one for me. I’m excited to read it.

Claudine: I have read the book when they (Tita Malou Santos and Inang Olive Lamasan) were pitching this project to me. Nabili ko ‘yung book sa isang ukay-ukay kasi wala ng available sa mga bookstore. Naintriga ako kasi mahilig akong magbasa. When I read it, ang ganda! Kasi it’s the stories of mistresses in the ’80s.

Kim: I haven’t read it but I know that there are stories in the movie based on the book of Ms. Jullie.

Cheena: Not familiar with the book. I just found out that the movie was based on the book of the same title.

How did you internalize the character?

Kris: I have argued with direk Chito a lot. Mahirap kasi palagi niya sinisita ang enunciation ko na “Kris, hindi ka host dito.” Kasi gusto talaga ni direk the raw and the real so you really have to be in character one million percent of the time and I think it really helped na tuluy-tuloy (shooting). We shot straight days as in four times a week for two months. It was easy to maintain a character because there were no distractions.

Iza: I can’t say I did full immersion, right? Seriously, I recounted several of the personal accounts of mistresses that I’ve encountered through the years and also from friends who were in non-conventional relationships that had to go through carrying the shame of being in something that society views as “wrong.”

Claudine: Direk Chito and I sat down. He asked me kung ano ba ang tingin ko sa character kong si Chloe Zamora. Kaya ko ba or may hesitation akong gawin ‘yung role? You just have to trust your director. Did I consult a mistress I know? No, I did not. Nag-research lang ako. Pinag-usapan lang namin ni direk and the writers kung ano si Chloe Zamora in their mind at kung ano ang sa mind ko. Nag-synch naman.

Kim: I studied very well for this project. Sobrang pressure na batikan lahat ang kasama ko. At si direk Chito pa! I really paid attention to his instructions. Ate Claudine and I would often throw lines at each other. She and Ate Kris always remind me that teleserye acting is different from movie acting.

Cheena: Charley’s character is very Cheena less the “bakla” side. So it’s not really hard because direk Chito told me that I needed to be more serious and not being the “babaing bakla.” At nakatulong din na magagaling ‘yung mga kasama ko so alam kong may paghuhugutan ako. Did I consult any mistress? Not really. But I have a friend who’s really excited to watch the film. Interesting kasi na-experience n‘ya ‘yung side n’ung wife. Aware siya na madaming babae ang asawa n’ya and finally she decided…

Didn’t you have any misgiving about accepting the role?

Iza: Not one bit of hesitation. It’s just a role.

Claudine: When I heard of the movie, parang everybody was curious about it. Ako rin naging curious kung paano ba ang gagawin ni direk na atake sa mga role namin. Feeling ko for a comeback movie, I want something out of the box sa mga ginagawa ko. For my comeback, I was thinking that the Chloe Zamora character is perfect.

Cheena: When I found out that they wanted me to play the role of Charley, of course, I was really excited to the point that I forgot to ask my husband if it was okay, hahahaha!

Hypothetical question, how would you react if you find out your husband has a mistress? What if the mistress happens to be gay?

Kris: Masasaktan. Masakit siya isipin.

Iza: I think I would raise hell, hahahaha! I really don’t know but I hope I still keep a certain amount of dignity and sanity should it happen. If the mistress were a man, then I think it would be easier to accept and let go because at the end of the day you know that you can’t give your partner what he truly wants.

Claudine: It doesn’t really matter if it’s a man, a woman or a gay. When you cheat and pag nagka-affair ka, pare-pareho lang naman ‘yun. As long as meron, hihiwalayan ko.

Kim: I will be hurt. I will be tortured wondering kung ano ang hindi ko kayang ibigay sa kanya na naibibigay ng iba.

If you were the wife, what etiquette would you observe in treating your husband’s mistress?

Kris: Don’t ever be complacent. Kung mahal mo ‘yung tao, kung ano ‘yung pag-aalaga, pag-intindi, pang-unawa na binigay mo from the start ng relationship dapat all the way to the very end ganun.

Iza: Always kill them with kindness!

Claudine: I will treat her with any etiquette. In the first place sila ang nag-break ng rules at pumasok sa relasyon na ganito. So, as a wife kung sa akin ‘yun nangyari, I will not show any sign of respect and understanding.

Kim: I’m not the confrontational type. What I would do is fix whatever problem we have and try to make our marriage work.

If you were the mistress, what etiquette naman would you observe in dealing with the wife?

Kris: Just don’t be (a mistress). Kasi makikita sa movie na ‘to eh na…masakit. Who doesn’t want to be number one? But in being a mistress, you accept already from the start, you’re just number two. Mahirap talaga. If you think about it very deeply, would you ever want to be number two?

Iza: All the rules stated in our film, especially the last one. You’ll have to watch it to find out.

Claudine: I will be very discreet.

Kim: I can’t imagine myself being a mistress, eh.

Doesn’t the movie glamorize mistresses?

Kris: I just want to believe that it’s not a condemnation of women. Yung journey ng characters is the journey every woman takes. Masuwerte sila because at the end, they have a choice. Not every woman has that choice. Mararamdaman mo, from people you talk to, from places you go to, there’s palpable excitement to watch it.

Iza: The movie shows a glamorous lifestyle for the mistresses together with the painful reality that together with that life is the pain and suffering that comes with settling for second place. I don’t think it’s something that would be inspirational to the audience.

Claudine: No, it doesn’t. Neither does it glorify mistresses. Ipapakita namin na lahat ng tao, mistress man or asawa, lahat ng tao pag nagmahal walang pinipiling rules, minsan right love at the wrong time.

Kim: Super no. When they watch the movie, they will learn a lot about relationships, about friendships, about what decisions to make. Hindi at all gina-glamorize ang pagiging mistress.

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