Stone dialogue

Headline: “Senate minority urges government to pursue dialogue with Bato de la Rosa”.

This after Interior Secretary Jonvic Remulla posted a fifty million reward for information leading to the capture of the senator, the police general now in hiding because he is afraid to be dispatched to The Hague and await trial for crimes against humanity.

Which leads us to wonder, what kind of dialogue do the senators envision?

Government: “Senator Bato, please surrender. We promise we will not employ the same methods that you have been accused of employing when effecting arrests. No “nanlaban”. That is, we will not allege that there was resistance when the arrest was made, an unseemly scuffle, a general hullabaloo, and suddenly, there your blood was, splattered all over the floor. Along with some brain matter perhaps. No, not at all, we will be very careful, observe all courtesies, and follow all protocols.”

Bato: “What do you think I am, stupid? I’ve made all those promises before. And let’s just say there was some fudging involved. Maybe some carelessness and discourtesies. Maybe forgotten protocols. I can’t really remember the details. Besides, you really think I’m going to utter incriminating stuff out loud for it to be used against me?”

Government: “Oh, senator. We appeal to your good nature as a family man. We all know that everything you did, you did for your family. And such a lovely family you have. Worth protecting and nurturing. With every inch and fiber of your being. Something we can certainly assist you with, wherever you may be, whether in Europe or our comfortable jail cells.”

Bato: “Stay away from my family, you nitwits. I don’t trust you one bit. In fact, I feel very threatened now.”

Government: “Oh we can do that very very easily, senator. Staying away and leaving things alone are our specialties. Much like what we are doing to the economy, and governance, and even the peso. Staying away is our trademark.

“Which reminds us, senator. Do you really want all your assets to remain in this country? If you were to surrender, we can easily assist you to carry some suitcases with you on the private jet. We’ve had some experience there too. Maybe a dozen suitcases will suffice to take care of you and your retinue when you’re abroad. And of course, all assets you might wish to spirit abroad can be smoothly remitted. No flagging, no restricting. Internal controls can be loosened, you know. Surely, you don’t want everything you’ve worked so hard for to be reviewed and confiscated, don’t you?

“Word of advice, the time to remit out is now, before the peso freefalls, and before forex currency restrictions are implemented by Marcos Jr. much like what Marcos Sr. did in the ‘70s. This family has had experience managing peso depreciation by draconian measures, you know.”

Bato: “You know, you’re starting to scare me a little with this talk about reviving BSP Circular 1389. You really think that the peso will breach ?70?”

Government: “Oh, no need to panic, senator. That’s what we’re all not doing. In fact, those are the express instructions of the president. Do not panic. Do not ever feel panic. Much like what you’re not going to feel when we surround your compound with tanks and blow the fences away while the family is cowering inside.”

Bato: “Gosh, you’re making it sound all so reasonable. Yes, I do want to preserve all those cash in my joint accounts with my wife. Can I request that those should be transferred to my personal individual accounts only? You can leave out my wife. She’s being so noisy lately. I don’t know if her babbling to media is a good strategy or not. But, man, what a hassle having to listen to her.”

Government: “I guess we have a deal then. See you at the Senate after Halloween? No running around and stumbling, you hear? Won’t look good if that happens again. Once is a mistake. Twice is a public officer unfit for office.”