Mama and Lola remembered

I have copies of two beautiful eulogies written by a daughter to her mother, and a granddaughter, to her Lola. They relate the gentle, caring and loving nature of these persons who had made a great impact on their lives. Reading these messages, I remembered how much my own mother had been so much like the subjects of the tributes. You might also be touched the same way as you read on.

The first is from Patty Salonga Rubio, daughter of the late Lydia Busuego Salonga and Sen. Jovito Salonga, who lives in Hawaii with her family.

Her mother, writes Patty, “was to us, her children, a gift from God. She devoted herself to fulfilling her God-given role of being a housewife and mother, caring and nurturing us, making sure we were well fed, well-dressed and well-educated. She stayed home and was a good house and money manager.

 “I observed her shopping when she visited me in Hawaii. She would head for the “Clearance” section first. After surveying the different stores for their best deals, she would then go back to finally buy the Best of the Best Deals! This would take hours but she enjoyed every minute of it. This taught us to shop wisely and analyze our options.

“Mom loved the arts and music. She had beautiful paintings around the house and bought us books to encourage us to draw and paint. I remember the whole family doing ‘paint by number’ paintings when I was young. This helped me develop my artistic talents which I put to good use when I majored in fashion design at the University of Hawaii and got the senior award for ‘Best Design.’

 “From a young age, Mom enrolled Steve, Eddie and me in piano lessons. We were not the best students, but we got the basics after a few years. This formed the foundation for our appreciation and understanding of music. Steve and Ed played guitar and drums and had their own rock bands in high school while I was the guitarist in a folk singing band.

 “Part of music and arts was dancing. Mom loved this and encouraged me to take ballet, jazz, hula and Tahitian. Mom and I actually danced hula in a group together for a local movie that was filmed in our garden. She was a beautiful dancer and loved to sew our costumes.

 “At home we often smelled the delicious apple pieces that were in the oven. Also the brownies, meringues, bread pudding and the icebox cakes she made. Baking was her forte. No wonder we all have sweet tooths, and lots of cavities!

“She was a faithful wife, standing behind my Dad through thick or thin. From the glories of winning the elections, to walking through the shadow of death when dad was seriously wounded at Plaza Miranda, my mom held on fast, standing strongly beside him, encouraging, and supporting him.

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 The second tribute is by Rachel Kelso, daughter of my best friend in college, Priscilla Lasmarias Kelso. Rachel edits American Ireland Fund, where she is chief communications officer at the headquarters in Boston. Rachel’s grandmother passed away recently.

“Mom called me this morning and told me that Lola moved into the next world last night. Peacefully and quickly.

 “To say my grandmother was extraordinary was an understatement. She raised eight beautiful children through a war and then kept that family together through rich and some truly hard times. She was fiercely proud of her family and pushed all of them to achieve and rise to be their best. She went on to survive three of those children, something no parent should have to do. “Lola lived her life on the island (a barangay in Negros Oriental) that my mom grew up on. She was tough and she ran a tight ship. She hand-sewed my mom’s wedding dress and lovingly shipped it from the village to a far away place called ‘Philadelphia.’ Her gardens were immaculate and filled with orchids, mangos, peanuts and hibiscus. And oh her kitchen! She turned out the most incredible food from her kitchen. She cooked on fire and knew how to throw parties for crowds that lasted for days — literally. Somehow there was always enough to share: roast suckling pigs stuffed with lemongrass, tiny hand rolled lumpia, crispy fried fish and of course, her pancit noodles.

“Lola was the one that people in the village went to for help when times were lean. They went with sick children, they went for advice, they went to borrow, and they went to her to return the favors when things were good. Sometimes, they just went to sit on her porch and read the Newsweek magazines that she collected. She loved Newsweek.

“The last time I saw my Lola she was almost 90, still wearing red lipstick and so excited that we had brought her new face powder and Oil of Olay. Her skin was paper-thin and reminded me of the onion skin stationery upon which she used to write us letters in the States. She was filled with questions about my life here. ‘So, you have your own apartment? You do not live with your parents? But...why is this?’

“She was slowing down, but not that much. She still ran a tight ship — ordering around the cooks and the helpers. ‘Get the coffee cups, it’s time for merienda. Rachel likes the coconut cookies . . . did you remember the coconut cookies when you went to the market?’ Mom told me that she spoke with Lola on the phone last night. Lola could not talk but mom could hear her breathing softly into the cell phone as she told her how much we loved her. For the next few hours my Filipino family surrounded Lola, holding her, singing her favorite songs and ushering her into the next chapter. And then, she closed her eyes and she went...surrounded by songs. I mean really? What a splendid way to go.

“So it may seem like an odd thing to be posting on Facebook, but she sure would be tickled to think that I said nice things about her to people she had never met. She loved fun people and if she had met you, you would have been welcome on her porch and at her table. You could borrow her Newsweeks and she would have known exactly what cookie you liked. “Thanks Lola.” — Rachel

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My e-mail: [email protected]