Divine Pakialamero

This reflection is addressed primarily to married couples, and Jesus’ role in their lives as the Divine Pakialamero. (See today’s Gospel reading, Jn. 2: 1-11).

We can just imagine how busy Jesus was at the height of His ministry. But when He was invited to that wedding at Cana, He dropped everything to attend the wedding. That was how important marriage was in the heart of the celibate Christ. Not only that. He brought His disciples with Him. And even more than that – His mother Mary was also present.

In fact, it was Mary, typical woman and mother that she was, who first noticed that the wine – so important in wedding celebrations – ran out. Her motherly instinct made her approach Jesus and she whispered to Him, "They have no more wine." She knew He could do something about it if He wanted to. Jesus teasingly answered back: "That’s their problem, not ours." But knowing where her son’s heart really was, she told the servers, "Do whatever He tells you."

We know the rest of the story. When Jesus decided to make pakialam, the new wine was much better than the first. A quiet, undramatic miracle had taken place for the sake of the newly-married couple. From plain water to sparkling wine. Unaware of what really happened, the headwaiter told the bridegroom: "You have kept the good wine until now."

What a consoling reminder to every married couple. Jesus did not force Himself into the wedding. He did not gate-crash. But once invited, He could not but come. That was how much He loved the married couple. And His presence made all the difference. Let us apply this to the married couple of today, for after all, the Christ who was present at that wedding in Cana is the very same Christ who can be present to you - if you invite Him. This is how much He cares for you as a couple.

"Kapag hinayaan ninyong makialam si Hesus sa inyong buhay-magasawa, nag-iiba ang takbo ng inyong buhay!"

We have witnessed this time and time again in our counseling ministry with married couples. Very often, when they come for counseling, each spouse is hurting deeply – and focuses on the other spouse as the cause of his/her problem. Each spouse must be given time and space to unburden what he/she is going through. This is the initial step in the process of healing. But as an empathetic counselor, I know from many years of experience with couples that it takes two to tango, as the saying goes. It takes two to create a problem, and it takes two to solve the problem. Each spouse, often uncon-sciously or sub-consciously, is making a contribution to the problem.

The major breakthrough comes when each spouse is able to focus on one’s own self, becomes aware of, and humbly accepts what he/she is contributing to the problem. For this to happen, selfism must be set aside and objective truth must take over. Each spouse must learn how to place himself/herself in the shoes of the other - to feel, understand, and accept with compassion what the other is going through. If both spouses are able to do this for each other, which is nothing less than mutual empathy, then the process of reconciliation and growth can take place.

But for all that to happen, the most powerful precondition is for both spouses to invite the presence of Jesus in their relationship, allow Him to make pakialam, and surrender to His just and loving will. The divine will is the answer to the couple’s conflict. When both spouses are able to really empty themselves of their respective egos, and surrender instead to God’s will for them, inner peace takes over, and their new wine is even much more precious than the wine they had on their wedding day.

Inner, habitual awareness of Christ’s presence in your person, in your relationship as a couple, in your home – especially at the height of marital misunderstanding, miscommunication, and conflict. Allow yourselves to participate in no less than a living miracle of compassion and love.

Such a process of psycho-spiritual discernment, preceded by mutual empathy, is the answer to a lifelong Cana wedding. When everything is said and done, Jesus is ultimately the marriage counselor par excellence!