Divorce, up close

The whole world grieves over the passing away of Pope John Paul II. It is amazing how people with divergent views on certain issues have become one in hailing the highly revered Roman Catholic figure – Catholics, Protestants, heads of state, ideologically different groups, women and men, theologians, intellectuals, the bourgeoisie and proletariat – as a man of peace and love. He had crossed erstwhile danger zones – letting Palestinians and Israelis meet, entering Islamic mosques and Hebraic temples, and wherever he went he preached the message of love.

When word was relayed that the pontiff had died, multitudes of believers wept, then in the next breath, raised their voices in praise, thanksgiving and joy. Pope John Paul II had gone to meet his Creator.

That is the touching, happy end to his earthly journey.

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The Pope objected to divorce to terminate marriages. Still I am for it, as many of my women friends are.

The emails I have been receiving favor the passage of the divorce bill filed by GABRIELA Women’s Party Representative Liza Largoza-Maza. One of them is this one sent by E.G.

"My husband read your column about the letter of Ms. B, gave it to me to read, and I felt compelled to share my thoughts with you likewise.

"I am a grandmother, a senior citizen in a couple of years and a staunch fighter for the Catholic Doctrine. Until I heard about the divorce bill lately, I was so much against it. You know, ‘Carry your cross and follow me.’ And that as a Christian, ‘Just like Christ, our way to heaven is the cross.’

"If I am softening in my Christian values and going to the extreme of espousing something my church does not allow, it was because I saw things up close. I witnessed miserable fights, heard dirty, hurting words, felt the anguish and emotional wounds – every time my son and his wife would quarrel. But more painful is the trauma the children go through. When emotions are high and anger rules, the children become unwilling victims of emotional abuse. As old as we are, we get very upset witnessing violent fighting of people not even related to us. What more with kids witnessing displays of offenses between their parents, the two people most important to them, the two people they depend on for their survival, their welfare, their happiness!

"Peace at all costs, I used to say. Humbling myself when necessary. To buy peace. Even for only a day. For tomorrow will take care of itself. Tomorrow, I can humble myself again. I want peace for my son, my daughter-in-law, and especially for my apos. I do not want them to sustain any more hurts to bring to adulthood. Five years of struggle for both spouses to make things work, in my opinion, is bearable. It is very possible husbands and wives struggling now were themselves unwilling witnesses of the same painful and very sad encounters of their parents before. And the cycle goes on.

"May God forgive me if I am misguided, but I felt a happy beat in my heart when I learned of Representative Liza Maza’s divorce bill. This or something better, Lord. Thy will always be done."

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People opposed to divorce fear that should Maza’s bill (House Bill No. 4016) pass, there will be a mad rush for the courts to have marriages terminated. There is also the fear that couples will file for divorce on the simplest pretext. We hear of cases in the United States which list snoring, not tightening the cap of toothpaste tubes, and a spouse spending hours on the telephone as reasons for filing for divorce.

A believer in divorce, I do not think that divorce, like marriage, should be taken lightly. There are marriages that do not work, no matter how much the couples try to make them. Wives who have been victims of their husbands’ verbal and physical abuse and wanton philandering should have a legal way out of their misery.

Maza says the church need not fear the possibility of a scramble for filing divorces. The fear that divorce will erode personal values in marriage among Catholic couples appears unfounded, she says.

Italy, where the Vatican is located, and Spain, two predominantly Catholic countries which practice divorce, have a low rate of divorce, says Liza. "Italy registers a seven percent rate while Spain registers 15 percent. It would be safe to say that these figures reflect the strong influence of religious beliefs and culture on couples deciding to terminate marital relations."

Moreover, she explains, the bill retains existing remedies of legal separation, declaration of nullity of the marriage, annulment, and only adds divorce as one more remedy. "Once the divorce law is approved, estranged couples who hold firm to their Catholic faith need not file a petition for divorce. Couples may choose from existing remedies depending on their situation, religious beliefs, cultural sensibilities, needs and emotional state."

Maza urges critics to carefully read the divorce bill and consider the growing need for the remedy in this country. "Let us keep an open mind. We are glad that we have opened the discussions on divorce. It is high time that we consider making divorce an option for couples in unhappy and abusive marriages."

The Maza bill adds provisions to and makes changes in the present Family Code to allow litigants to file for divorce on such grounds as: separation of the couple for at least five years upon the filing of the petition and reconciliation is highly improbable; the petitioner has been legally separated from his or her spouse for at least two years at the time of the filing of the petition and reconciliation is highly improbable; when any of the grounds for legal separation has caused the irreparable breakdown of the marriage, and when one or both spouses are psychologically incapacitated to comply with the essential marital obligations.

The bill does not condone granting of divorce on the basis of collusion between the parties.

An action for divorce, as well as for legal separation, shall be tried only after six months have elapsed since the filing of the petition. I believe this waiting period gives the parties a chance to work out a reconciliation.

The decree of divorce shall have the following effects:

The marriage bonds are terminated; the absolute community or the conjugal partnership of gains shall be dissolved and liquidated and the assets divided equally between the spouses;

The spouse who is not gainfully employed shall be entitled to support from the other spouse. Actual, moral and exemplary damages are awarded to the aggrieved spouse. The custody of any minor child shall be decided by the court, and children conceived or born before the decree of divorce has become final and executory shall be considered legitimate.

For copies of the bill, contact the office of Representative Maza in Congress.

The question, Ms. Maza, is, how much will the process of filing a petition for divorce cost? Will the cost be so prohibitive as to allow only petitioners with money to file for divorce?

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E-mail: [email protected]