The Real Steve Martin Stands Up

Twelve hours before I sat face-to-face with Steve Martin for the five-minute TV interview, I was gnawed by a feeling of insecurity. No, it had nothing to do with Steve who is reprising his role as Inspector Jacques Clouseau (the intrepid-but-bumbling French police detective) in Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/Columbia Pictures’ Pink Panther 2. It was about my hair.

The day before, with my Boholana nurse-friend Betty Garcia (who works at a New York hospital), I dropped by Boots Babushka’s pad in Manhattan as I always do when I happen to be in New York for, you know, his famous “signature haircut” only he, it seems, was gifted by God with the talent to create. Last year, Boots (remember him as the Pilita Corrales impersonator?) put blond “highlights” on my hair and I felt it didn’t sit well on me until my Big Apple friends — Betty and including Raoul Tidalgo, Emma Ruth Yulo and Bobby Yalong — assured me that, yes, “It looks good!”

This time, Boots was more daring by adding more colorful “highlights” (golden, orange, magenta, etc.) — to camouflage my thickening white strands, you know. Betty said, “It looks even better!” but I had serious doubts.

Now, I wrestled with a terrible feeling of insecurity as I reviewed my list of 12 questions.

Steve looked at me and smiled. “I like your hair!”

That made my day!

I smiled back, my self-esteem restored. “I like yours more, as much as I like your sense of humor.”

That set the tone for our interview. We talked about more than just Pink Panther 2 (directed by Harald Zwart, based on the Pink Panther films of Blake Edwards starring the late Peter Sellers) which revolves around Clouseau’s hot pursuit of the thief of legendary treasures from around the world, the priceless Pink Panther diamond included. Sorry but I can’t tell you more about the film lest I give away the ending. Suffice to say that among the film’s highlights is a “symphony of accents” from its multi-national cast that includes Aishwarya Rai (1994 Miss World, Indian), Andy Garcia (Cuban-American), Alfred Molina (English) and Yuki Matsuzaki (Japanese) as members of Clouseau’s investigative dream team; Jean Reno (French) as Clouseau’s partner; and Emily Montiner (British) as the object of Clouseau’s affection; plus John Cleese (American) as the chief inspector and Lily Tomlin (American) as Clouseau’s instructor in “political and social correctness.”

In person, Steve was just as funny as he is onscreen. To demonstrate how much he enjoyed the wine-juggling scene, he stood up during the 30-minute “roundtable” interview and juggled three bottles of mineral water with amazing precision, taking a bow when the 10 journalists at the table applauded him. When he noticed that I was fumbling with my malfunctioning tape recorder, he stopped at mid sentence and turn to me, smiling, “You are like Clouseau.”

Steve wears many hats: As writer, actor, comedian, singer, whatever. It was the “real” Steve Martin who, we hoped, showed up at a function room of the Ritz Carlton (Central Park) for the round of interviews with the international journalists.

The first time you did Pink Panther was in 2006. How did you refresh yourself for the role this time?

“Well, first, I just started talking with the accent weeks and weeks before we started shooting. I got back into the clothes...I love the outfit, I think Clouseau really dresses well...and that’s about it. Once I put the clothes on, I’m back in the character.”

I presume that you saw Peter Sellers in the Pink Panther series. How did you make your portrayal different from his?

“I didn’t consciously try to make it different but I think if different actor plays a role it’s gonna come out differently. I’m glad that people say that my portrayal is different but I can’t tell you why. I don’t know. We are two different people.”

You fit the character to a T.

“I love playing Clouseau. I had to brush up on the accent a bit but other than that, it was like a visit from a familiar friend. The role gives me a chance to do broad physical comedy. Clouseau is truly an exaggerated character, innocent and childlike. At the same time, he thinks he’s on top of every situation which I think is always funny. So when the opportunity for the sequel came along, my quick answer was ‘yes’.”

To what would you attribute the enduring appeal of Pink Panther?

“I think it’s the kind of film that appeals to adults and children. I like that it is a big, broad comedy, it has smart joke lines in it, as well as verbal and physical comedy. It’s not the first time I’m doing a remake. It’s just inevitable. I’ve done remakes before, like Father of the Bride which was quite successful.”

Your scene with The Pope is simply hilarious.

“Oh, thank you!”

How do you think the (real) Pope will react, especially when you, masquerading as The Pope, are shown hanging at the balcony and then falling?

“I’m not gonna show it to him. Hahahaha! I don’t know. I think The Pope has a sense of humor, so I doubt if he’d be offended by it. I do like the Pope scene a lot. But in terms of performance, I like the shampooing scene more.”

So do I! You and Jean Reno are terrific in that scene. He’s shampooing your hair with the same brand, Jo-Jo-Ba (oil), as the one given to me by my Filipino hairstylist friend (yes, Babushka). You pronounce it Jo-Jo-Ba and Jean insists it should be Ho-Ho-Ba. And then the two of you start singing, you saying “Jo-Jo-Ba!” and Jean saying “Ho-Ho-Ba.” Very funny!

“I also enjoy the wine-juggling scene. We had this ordinary restaurant scene, so we said, ‘Okay, what can go wrong?’ So we thought of juggling the wines from a falling cabinet, with not one bottle broken. How? All the waiters were professional jugglers.”

Your and Emily Montimer’s wedding scene was terribly funny, belly-achingly hilarious. How was your own real wedding like?

“It wasn’t as riotous as the movie wedding scene, definitely! I got married just prior to doing the film and I was married in my Inspector Clouseau mustache. The press reported that we kept the whole thing from our guests but it’s not true. What we did was keep it a secret from the press.”

Did you have any say in the choice of the multi-cultural cast?

“Well, to give credit to the producer, Robert Simonds, it was he who put the cast together. He said, ‘We got Andy Garcia!’ I said, ‘What?’ He said, ‘We got John Cleese!’ I said, ‘Good! It went on and on and on.’ And he got Jean Reno, Alfred Molina, Yuki Matsuzaki and Aishwarya Rai. I said, ‘Good, great!’ I was thrilled! I couldn’t believe that we had this big cast.”

You are a writer, an actor, a comedian, a singer, a producer and a playwright. Don’t you ever sleep?

(Laughs heartily) “I sleep very well. To me, there’s a time in the day to do things. I’m working on a book now and when I was shooting this movie I set aside two hours every day to work on the book.”

Oh, by the way, why did you call your autobiography Born Standing Up (his second book)?

“Because it’s a memoir of the days I did stand-up comedy. I feel that I was born to do it. It’s a memoir about my childhood until the day I stopped doing stand-up comedy in 1981.”

Do you agree that comedians are better actors because it’s harder to make people laugh than to make them cry?

“Well, yes, it is hard. And the most disappointing thing for a comedian is to create a big scene that you think is hilarious and put it up in front of an audience that only stares at you and doesn’t laugh. You have to be smart to prevent that from happening.”

What do you do in a situation like that?

“Well, if it’s a film, you have to edit it. If it’s ‘live,’ there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Do you remember the first comedy movie that you saw as a kid?

“It has to be Laurel & Hardy. They did a movie called Way Out West. One scene I found hilarious is when Stan Laurel smokes his hand. (Demonstrates how Stan Laurel does it) Another scene shows them having a little fight. Stan Laurel reaches down and grabs his toe which is coming through a shoe, stretches it and snaps it back. It’s so surreal and hilarious.”

Who are your idols as a writer, as an actor, as a comedian and as a singer?

“As a writer, I like Woody Allen. He puts his head down and makes film after film. Sometimes not so good but sometimes fantastic. But his last movie, Whatever Works, was great. As an actor...how about how great Penelope Cruz is? She comes on the screen for one second and you go, ‘I know that girl. She’s good at it.’ As a comedian, I like Ben Stiller and Mike Meyers And also, Jim Carrey. As a singer, I’m partial to Irish singers.”

What’s one word that best describes Steve Martin?

“Just one word? Hmmmm...Desperate.”

Desperate?

“I always keep on coming up with something new and it can only be desperation.” 

(E-mail reactions at [email protected] or at [email protected])