The hassles of travelling these days

There was a time when I was still very, very young when my greatest ambition in life was to travel and see the world. Traveling was easy for me then because my parents took care of everything – especially the fare.

At the airport, I would just follow my Dad in line – at the airline counter to check-in ourselves and our pieces of luggage and at the security check where we got frisked (crotch included) because there were still no metal detectors back then.

But when the time came that I had to travel on my own and had to pay for my own fare, my outlook toward traveling immediately changed. First of all, plane tickets are really very expensive (especially now). Then, there are the other hassles about traveling that would make you wish you just stayed home.

First on the list is the distance to the airport, which is at the other end from where I live. And there is always traffic around it so you sweat in the car on the way there with your heart throbbing – worried sick that you’ll miss your flight.

When you finally get to the airport, you are only given so much time to unload your baggage and some airport security men can be rude at times.

Then, there’s the matter of checking in at the airport counter because some ground stewardesses are nasty. One time in the late ’80s, I witnessed how a mean ground stewardess screamed at a young Chinese guy bound for Singapore and even threatened the poor passenger not to put him on board. Maybe language barrier was their problem. Or maybe the ground stewardess was on the third day of her menstrual cycle.

Fortunately, I’ve never had that kind of a problem with ground stewardesses. I’ve so far encountered mostly the polite ones. However, the girls manning the Philippine Airlines counter are the nicest in my experience. Last year, on a trip to Thailand, I met PAL ground stewardess Lynn Tanael and she proved to be extra accommodating.

Now, once you’ve checked in and had been through immigration, you wait for an eternity to board the plane – especially now that passengers are required to check in three hours before the flight. Even if you wait it out at the first class/business class lounge where you are served food, given a TV set and all the newspapers you can read, it can still be boring.

And then, how many times have you been on a flight that has been delayed for hours? In my case, I’ve had that nasty experience of having been put in an airport hotel once because the flight was delayed for one whole day. That can be downright horrible because it screws up your schedule in your final destination.

Of course, there’s the matter of immigration. So far, knock on wood, I’ve never had any problem in this department. But I’m sure you’ve heard of horror stories about how immigration people abroad had been nasty to Pinoys only because they are, well, Filipinos.

My greatest fear, however, on US soil is the customs. It’s here where you’re asked if you’re bringing in any food. Until a couple of years ago, it always seemed like a perfunctory check from their end. They ask you if you have any food in you and you say no and they let you go. But now, they mean business.

I’ve observed that US customs men are particularly suspicious of those Pinoy balikbayan boxes. If they ask you to turn left (right means you can head off for the exit and meet whoever is picking you up at the airport), don’t panic yet. Thanks to this modern invention called X-ray machine, they’ll just scan your boxes and if they don’t find anything suspicious in it, they’ll let you go. These machines are really sharp and can tell what’s inside your box. One time, I brought in pili candies and the person manning the X-ray machine told his companion to let me go because I only had "nuggets" with me.

However, I’ve seen some boxes opened – with the contents inspected by US customs people. Now, that’s really a hassle because it causes delay and could be very inconvenient.

I’d like to tell you never to bring food to the US because that could spell trouble for you. But then, some Filipino friends and relatives in America really insist on you bringing them delicacies from here. They don’t care for clothes here because they have a lot there. Neither do they want native souvenirs because that’s clutter for them. And yes, they’re sick of those abaca placemats from Bicol – never mind if these are very pretty.

But what do you bring them? (You really have to bring them something nice because you’re staying with them and they’ll be taking you around.) I know of some inconsiderate ones who ask for lanzones, which is a no-no because it’s a mortal sin to bring in fruits to the US. A former writer for Cristy Perminute almost got into trouble with customs in San Francisco because she didn’t want to eat an apple that was served on the plane and put it instead in her hand-carry and was almost penalized for it. But why on earth would anyone want to smuggle an apple to the US?

Anyway, back to lanzones. I know of some people who wanted to please their US host so much that they tried sneaking in lanzones by having it sealed in a can and declaring these as cookies. Some heavy cookies they’ve got there. US customs didn’t buy that story and – can-opener in hand – opened the can full of lanzones. Another one tried a different trick: He painstakingly wrapped the lanzones piece by piece in candy wrappers and was able to get these past US customs. However, I still don’t advise you to do that.

The safest and customs-friendly pasalubongs for US-based Filipinos are still sweetened pili nuts, polvoron and dried mangoes.

Forget about fruits because they even have fresh mangoes there now in Filipino stores. Two years ago, everyone was overjoyed when I brought in cans and cans of laing (the Moonbake brand), but in my last visit, I discovered that laings are now sold in Filipino stores at 79 cents a can.

And at every meal, I had Filipino food: ginataang sitaw, daing na bangus, tinapa, okoy and cassava bibingka and taho for dessert. Never did I have so much Filipino food in my whole life than during that last visit to the US.

So, I’m telling you, forget about sneaking in prohibited food to the US. This is only going to add up tension to the hazards of modern-day traveling. Anyway, whatever we have here, they already have it there. Except for lanzones.

(Next: The additional hassles of traveling today – no thanks to these godless terrorists.)