John Lloyd Cruz grateful for drama-free co-parenting setup for son Elias

MANILA, Philippines — John Lloyd Cruz has many fond memories of his time living in Cebu during the pandemic.

When asked if he ever learned the language, he quipped in Cebuano, “Di ‘ko mabaligya,” implying he has picked up more than enough of the local culture to know his way around.

The best part of his stay there was witnessing the formative years of Elias, his son with former partner, Cebuana actress Ellen Adarna.

“Kaya ako nag-stay dun para makita ko yung anak ko, kahit pandemic (that’s why I stayed there so I could see my child, even during the pandemic). At that time, it was formative — for myself, not just for him. Because those formative years, one to two (years old), we were still there. Iba yung memories nung panahon na yun.”

The STAR and two other media outlets interviewed the actor about fatherhood when he guested on the Radyo Katipunan show “Level Up with Noel Ferrer” to promote his QCinema film “Moneyslapper.”

Time flies, and Elias is now six years old. When asked if he’s a strict dad or more of a spoiler, John Lloyd responded, “Hindi naman kami everyday nagsasama. That’s a big learning process for me. Kasi ‘di naman pwedeng… you’re just human, you’re also a father, and I don’t get to see him often.

“No, he doesn’t (ask me to buy him things). But matalino yung anak ko, medyo wais pa. Sometimes, (he does things that make me say), ‘Pag-sure oy,’ hahaha! Elias, tigilan mo ako. Susubok siya. Pero yun nga ang nakakatawa. That’s the fun part.”

What he’s learning about fatherhood, he’s learning from his son. “With Elias, I feel like I’m the one learning from him. I’m the one gaining so much. I’m the one taking notes. He’s amazing! Ang galing nung bata. Very humbling. It’s like I’m the child and he’s the parent,” John Lloyd said.

The main lesson? “Getting to know yourself again and again. That’s No. 1. It’s constantly reminding yourself to just relax… like, you learn not to overthink too much. (It’s about giving yourself) chances.”

Reflecting more on fatherhood, and the advice he’s been given or vice versa, he said, “Actually, it’s a very personal thing. ‘Di ako makikialam sa pagiging tatay ng kahit na sino… Basta yung sa akin, ako na bahala. Yung sa iba, bahala na sila. Nobody is perfect.”

He also has no specific dreams for Elias, saying, “Buhay niya yan (It’s his life). Ngayon palang sinasanay ko na, ‘Ano gusto mo…?’ I don’t force anything on him or drill into his head that he has to do this or that.”

“I’m so excited to see what his life will become. Because his set-up isn’t easy. So, parang sa lahat ng mga tinitiis niya … for whatever he learns or experiences continuously every day, every week, I’m excited to see how he handles his decisions and things like that,” he added.

One time, John Lloyd recalled Elias surprisingly telling him, “Dada, I want to do what you do.’ (I said) ‘What am I doing? I’m not even doing anything. Wala nga akong trabaho eh.’ (He said) ‘I wanna do art.’ ‘Naku anak, wag!’ Hahaha! Hindi, hindi. Wala akong sinagot. But whatever he wants — whatever he wants to do — anak, go for it.”

John Lloyd believes his son is clueless about his career or his stature in showbiz. “Hindi siya aware. Mukha akong walang pera, mukha akong pulubi, ganun tingin niya sa akin, totoo!” he mused.

What he has observed, however, is that Elias is happy whenever he joins him on set, likes to hang out and enjoys the environment. But he’s not particularly fond of people taking his pictures. “I tell them, just ask (his permission). I don’t want to impose it on him. Buhay ko yun, hindi niya buhay, so it’s his choice.”

Currently, John Lloyd’s goal is simply “to be there for my son physically and emotionally. I hope he knows I’m here for him.”

John Lloyd on son Elias: I want to be there for him physically and emotionally.

The 41-year-old actor is genuinely grateful for the healthy co-parenting relationship he shares with Ellen.

“There’s nothing to complain about. Maganda ang setup namin, maganda dynamics namin, we don’t have any problems. I’ve heard stories na wow ang hirap ha. I really appreciate Ellen sa setup talaga na tinayo niya. Kasi dalawa kayo, magkaiba yung ways niyo,” he stressed.

“Sobrang swerte ko. I’m very lucky. I don’t have any problems with my son, with our schedule. Everything is smooth. It’s a boring life. Sobrang boring ng buhay ko. It’s true.”

When asked for advice on how to make co-parenting work, he said, “Of course, to each his own... It’s not like we didn’t struggle at the beginning. It’s not like we didn’t go through challenges, you know, before getting to where we are now. Everyone has their own story — this is ours, and I’m sure others will have their own as well.”

But from his own experience, John Lloyd shared: “With co-parenting, it’s not just limited to the real parents. Sino ba yung tumatayong parent sa anak mo na makakausap mo or makakabatuhan mo? And that’s OK if yun ang diskarte mo. It’s your orchestration. Give it time.

“For me... nagkamali ako na parang ‘di masyadong na-process kung i-impose yung tingin ko. But later on, you will learn. And ang ganda! So it’s really boring. There are no problems. Seriously.

“Sometimes, I even worry. Ayoko na magkwento, baka yung iba may problema because I’ve heard stories na talaga malalala. So, you just become thankful and appreciate what you have.”

Ellen recently gave birth to her second child, a baby girl with husband Derek Ramsay.

John Lloyd proudly shared how Elias reacted to having a baby sister. He initially noticed that his son didn’t know how to handle and manage it yet. “Nung akala ko na parang a bit resistant, I would ask him, but you’ll know when kids don’t want to talk about it. But when he went home, he gave her a painting that he made,” he shared.

“Ang galing. No (we didn’t coach him). Walang sinabihan sa amin, even yung close na pinsan niya and hindi ko nakita. And after I saw Ellen’s post, dun ko nakikilala yung anak ko ng wow, okay, galing ha.”

Meanwhile, John Lloyd offered a glimpse into his love life and relationship with girlfriend, visual artist Isabel Santos.

He said that they met through the West Gallery in Quezon City, which her family of artists owns. “When I was starting with my collection, I was buying (artworks), their gallery was the first one I went to,” he recalled.

“Hindi naman siya yung nag-tour sa akin. Parang maganda sana kung ganon. Sayang pero hindi ganyan ang nangyari,” he joked, adding that if that had happened, it would’ve made a good movie scene.

He admitted they were introduced through common artist friends. “At that time, I often attended openings. Since I was new to the scene, there was Romeo Lee, an artist from UP, who was very eager to introduce me to people. I met a lot of people, not just Isabel.”

“She’s an artist… That’s really her practice,” he proudly described Isabel. “Siguro hindi masyadong maraming bagay nag-a-agree kami, but I think that’s essential. I don’t wanna be stuck in anywhere ‘na oo nga, agree lang kayo ng agree with each other. Parang talaga, OK kayo, baka magkaibigan kayo?”

“Malaking bagay yung support niya, oo,” he added on why they clicked. “Magaling makinig.”

John Lloyd was also asked about his thoughts on marriage. “Oo naman. Naniniwala ako sa maraming bagay and isa na yun. Pero naniniwala din ako na ‘di lang yun ang mahalaga. So, okay naman na bigyan yan ng maganda and tamang attention. Pero hindi lang din siya para sa babae,” he expressed.

“Para sa lalaki, mayroon ka din yung sarili mong tiempo or timing. Gusto mo rin dumating ng ‘di mo alam kung darating. In a sense, parang meron pa rin akong ganun. Ayoko siya parang i-corrupt. Umaasa pa ako ng… antayin mo lang ako na maramdaman. Lahat (everything seems) mechanical na.”