Utang na loob vs gratitude

I looked up the meaning of utang na loob on the internet and to no avail did I get a good answer – or a literal translation at the very least. I do think, however, that utang na loob is a valuable trait we Filipinos have but must however be taken in its proper context. The older I get, the more I realize that it is important that we develop the practice of gratitude – being grateful in general for all the things that have been done, given and perhaps even said about us as a result of our actions.

Growing up, our parents often told us to be thankful, to say thank you and to always remember to thank God in our daily prayers. When we wake up, when we eat and up until we go to bed, as children we are especially taught by our parents to be thankful for the good things we have encountered during the day. This act of recounting the good things then becomes habitual and as a grown up, this simple act turns into a deeper reflection of how much we have truly gained from life.

It’s worth mentioning that even our worst experiences have been a source of gratitude when we look at the lessons learned from the past. This is why to me, gratitude is in a whole different level of appreciation, where we are given the opportunity to grow daily even up to our golden years.

Utang na loob, on the other hand, is in a whole new  level where our culture plus our individual understanding of it makes one either like it or hate it altogether. Not too long ago, I had the chance to delve into the world of finance. Considering I am not a financial expert and that my mother once told my high school math teacher that I will never be a mathematician (another story for another time), I had a short stint in this industry and even passed my exams at the DOF. It was here that I learned a few things that really changed my outlook on money management and investment, including how many Filipino parents saw their children as a means to potentially pick up the tab for any future financial gain (or loss) as well as assuming the role of principal providers of the family.

The sense of entitlement by such parents is seen as utang na loob for the people that raised them, fed them and sent them to school. Again, and while culturally we are truly very familial in our ways, I think it is high time we inject some kind of critical thinking to understand exactly how utang na loob really works. As a daughter myself, I am very grateful for the support my parents have given me in my life. I am certain that my siblings will have the same kind of gratitude for everything our parents have given us.

One of the most valuable things I will always cherish as a child is the fact that while we didn’t have everything we wanted, we always had enough. More importantly, our parents kept us safe and well and now that we are parents ourselves, our aspirations are always focused on being able to provide our children (hopefully) with the same things we experienced when we were growing up. Having said this, what I feel as an adult is not a grueling sense of debt to my parents but rather, an appreciation of their dedication to our family.

Now that our parents are aging, our gratitude and appreciation for all they have done is what makes us want to give back as children, noting that being able to give back is anchored purely on love for our family. I believe that when our acts of love and service to our family is processed properly, then we can apply the value of utang na loob to its full potential.

One cannot deny that parents are obligated to take care of their children and without looking at this from the perspective of law, in terms of whether children should in turn give back to their parents is even more vague and could lead to further confusion and conflict within families. What instead is more important, when looking for the most significant value when it comes to giving back, is the amount of gratitude one has in your heart that actually goes beyond material possessions, simply because when a child genuinely experiences his parents’ sacrifices, commitment and support for his or her well being, that child will always hold these precious moments so close to his/her heart because they have been able to reach their full potential through their parents’ hard work and dedication. It is because of this that children want to give back to their parents, and in its proper perspective, we can now call it our “utang na loob.”

As a Filipino, I can proudly say that I am glad that we do not belong to what Pope Francis once described as a “throwaway culture” where our elders are deemed discarded from society. However, and in the same breath, I also believe that we should also respect our children enough to be able to allow them to spread their wings without putting them on a payback guilt trip, especially if they become very successful in life. At the end of the day, giving back is all about gratitude and never about debt – and this makes all the difference.