Empathy

First, he defied his long established reputation for tardiness. Exactly a minute before 3 p.m. last Sunday, Manila Mayor Erap Estrada’s car rolled up the driveway to the Veterans hospital suite used by former president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.

Next, he defied the most banal expectations for vengefulness and retribution. Erap asked to visit his successor, not with the ceremony of one former president calling on another, but with the simplicity of two friends getting together for an afternoon chat.

Months before, over a bottle of wine we shared, Erap asked me to check out the possibility of visiting GMA. He was not sure GMA would be warm to the idea. I assured him she will welcome such a visit.

Erap just wanted to bring GMA cheer. He recalled GMA visited him twice when he was detained just to be sure he was well.

Last Sunday’s visit, however, was infinitely more than returning an act of humanity, a gesture of political civility. Whatever the larger currents of history may have brought to their relationship, Erap genuinely bears no grudges. He truly cared about GMA’s condition and wanted to bring whatever comfort he can to a person who rather accidentally served as his vice-president and, after a political tempest, his constitutional successor.

It took some time for this visit to finally materialize. In the intervening period, former president Fidel Ramos simply popped up at the Veterans hospital last October to visit the other former president.

Last Sunday, Erap was accompanied by his daughter Jackie and vice-mayor Isko Moreno. It was a small party by design, conducive to intimate conversation.

With GMA was husband Mike, chief of staff Raul Lambino and a few others. Everyone there was happy this meeting between the two has finally come through.

Isko recounted to me how he asked Erap pointblank if he had truly forgiven GMA for what happened over a decade ago. Erap, according to Isko, said that, getting ahead in years, he was not inclined to carry too much baggage. Visiting GMA is something he must do as a human being. A large part of this man’s charm is his being a gentleman of the old school.

I trust the genuineness of Erap reaching out to an old adversary.

I, too, played a prominent role during the impeachment crisis of 2000 — even as Erap was an old family friend. He and my father go back to the early sixties, when they were independent movie producers challenging the big studios. The very first time I ever held a glass of Scotch in front of my father was when Erap was a guest in our home. Notwithstanding, I performed as a staunch critic of his presidency when the terminal political crisis happened.

Over the past few years, though, Erap and I have become drinking buddies of sorts. I enjoy his company and the warm evenings spent reminiscing and talking about the run of everyday politics. Besides, he has cultivated such an impressive taste for great wine.

The most important thing about good wine is great company. Good wine is nothing without the great conversation that surrounds it.

Last Sunday, at the Veterans, no wine could be served unfortunately. This was, after all, a hospital.

Nevertheless, the conversation was warm, animated entirely by fresh watermelon juice. No agenda was set. This was not a conference between two persons once at the helm of this nation for which a communique needed to be issued after. It was a social call and a private visit, a renewal of friendships and a ritual of empathy.

The conversation was largely around small things — the trivia that really matter to ordinary human beings. There was talk about common friends, shared acquaintances and hometowns.

GMA recounted her time as a resident of Laura St. in San Juan. Erap knew exactly where this little street was (parallel to Florante St.) having served as mayor of that suburb for 17 years. Thereafter, Erap declares that San Juan is the city that produced the most presidents and Supreme Court justices.

I reminded Erap (who I address “Tito Joseph”) that we were both born in the same small hospital in Manuguit, Tondo. There is a certain cachet these days to being Tondo-born. Erap won the mayorship of the capital city on the basis of being Tondo-born.

Everyone in that intimate afternoon chat, it seems, consciously avoided talking politics. No one remembered that minor matter called Edsa Dos. Neither of the two former presidents found it worthwhile to talk about their time in the Palace.

On hindsight, that was the correct attitude to take. Politics, after all, is something that happens because of the confluence of things larger than any individual player. Whatever happened was at the dictate of necessity. Whatever happened ought not to be carried later on as personal grievance. Mature people understand that.

This afternoon was not to be a seminar in Philippine political history — even if two former heads of state were present. This afternoon was really a seminar on civility although the subject was not formally tabled. It was about two prominent personalities being humane, being kind and being comfortable with each other.

Empathy, after all, is never really articulated. It is demonstrated.

At the Veterans hospital last Sunday afternoon there was an abundance of empathy, a virtue that sometimes seems scarce in our public life. Because of that, this was such a pleasant event in a season that celebrates friendship and love and respect for others.

A blessed Christmas to all.